Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump is the Perfect American Evangelical

Last updated on: August 16, 2018 at 2:21 pm by Zach Hoag

Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump is the Perfect American Evangelical 2018-08-16T14:21:36-05:00 Zach Hoag

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

David Letterman retired this past spring, and one hopes the nightly Top Ten List has been retired along with him like a well-worn NBA jersey. However, that won’t stop me, a lifelong Letterman fan, from doing my own weekly Top Ten List – with a faith and culture twist. Paul, drumroll please…

Number 10…

Strongly believes a woman (Megyn Kelly) should not be permitted to teach a man (Trump) and must be quiet (shut up)

Number 9…

“Evangelicals love me”

Number 8…

Loves the Bible, both Testaments, very special to him. Favorite verse is definitely that one where Jesus or Moses or one of those guys declares bankruptcy protection, marries a supermodel, and deports some immigrants

Number 7…

“The Holy Ghost, yeah sure, met him at a gala at the Tower, ’97 I think. I like him, class act. Next question.”

Number 6…

Like most American evangelicals, attends church to feel better about his excessive wealth, egregious spending, and general hostility towards the poor and all minorities except “foreigners that look like Melania”

Number 5…

Always asks his hairstylist to give him “the 80’s televangelist”

Number 4…

Strongly believes in preaching the gospel to all nations, if by “gospel” you mean “go back to your own country so we can make America white again, I mean great again”

Number 3…

Just booked a golf foursome with the Trinity at Trump National

Number 2…

New campaign slogan: God, guns, and systematic corporate greed

And the Number 1 reason Donald Trump is the perfect American evangelical…

Rapture-ready hairpiece

—

(This week’s Top Ten was partly inspired by Jonathan Merritt’s great piece over at The Atlantic. Read it!)

Uncategorized

politics

Previous Post

September 3, 2015

For Christianity in the U.S., the Apocalypse is NOW

Next Post

September 4, 2015 Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump is the Perfect American Evangelical

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month December 2018 August 2018 July 2018 July 2017 May 2017 January 2017 November 2016 October 2016 August 2016 July 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 March 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 March 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz