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5 Bizarre Jesus Themed Products That Shouldn’t Exist

5 Bizarre Jesus Themed Products That Shouldn’t Exist

Last updated on: January 29, 2015 at 11:35 am by Zack Hunt

5 Bizarre Jesus Themed Products That Shouldn’t Exist 2015-01-29T11:35:34-06:00 Zack Hunt

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From time to time, I stumble upon a kitschy Jesus themed product that’s intentionally tongue-in-cheek that I personally find amusing.

Like Jesus soap.

Or the Cheesus Christ Cheese Grater.

But along with the intentionally funny Jesus stuff, there’s a whole host of Jesus related stuff out there that ranges from the unintentionally hilarious to the bizarrely awful.

Here are just 5 such weird Jesus products that shouldn’t exist.

5. “You Need Jesus” T-shirt

Screen Shot 2015-01-29 at 10.42.44 AM (Credit: Redbubble)

Jesus themed t-shirts are nothing new and usually nothing to write home about. But this one is just beyond creepy. However, if that’s your thing and you’ve got $22.40 to spend, you can pick one up today and make everyone you meet feel really uncomfortable.

4. Cross Pops

crosspops (Credit: Listverse)

The cross began its life(?) as a device intended to torture and execute its victims. When Jesus was crucified on one, the cross became a holy symbol of reverence and remembrance. I guess a candy dispenser was the logical next step in the evolution of the cross? Though other types of cross themed candy are still available for purchase, this one appears to be off the market.

3. Jesus Is My Coach Figurine

coachjesus2 (Credit: Catholic Supply)

There’s actually an entire line of “Jesus Is My Coach” figurines. Thankfully, most of them are just your typical cheesy Jesus kitsch. But clearly the artist who designed this particular figure hadn’t been through Safe Sanctuary training at his church. Seriously, this thing makes me wince every time I look at it. Unfortunately, it’s still for sale.

2. The God-Jesus Robot

god-jesus-toy-robot (Credit: Neatorama)

Ok, I have to confess that this one actually kinda cracks me up. Essentially, it’s a Magic 8 Ball that’s been dressed up to look like what its creator apparently thought Jesus would look like if he was a robot. Seriously. If you notice the picture on the box on the left, that kid is asking a question and robot Jesus is, um, declining to answer his prayer? Although the God-Jesus Robot is no longer on sale, for $22 you can pick yourself up a nifty God-Jesus Robot t-shirt.

1. Jesus Body Pills

(Credit: Quirky Japan Blog)

Where to begin? Honestly, I don’t even know what to do with this one. I think it’s some sort of tragically named herbal supplement. I guess it’s supposed to give you a body like Jesus? Although, the model in the display is certainly a non-traditional take on what Jesus may have looked like. But, like I said, that’s just a guess. I would love to tell you more about Jesus Body pills, but as the creepy and confusing description on the box explains, the true purpose of these pills is a secret.

jesusbody1 (Credit: TeamJimmyJoe)

I have no idea if these pills are still available to purchase, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess they won’t be on sale in the States anytime soon.

Well, those are my top bizarre 5 Jesus themed products that shouldn’t exist. What would you add to the list? Let me know in the comments below.

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