Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

The Semi-Official Blog of Zack Hunt

Home
Progressive Christian
The Time I Chased A Moose Through Yellowstone National Park

The Time I Chased A Moose Through Yellowstone National Park

Last updated on: July 21, 2014 at 10:09 am by Zack Hunt

The Time I Chased A Moose Through Yellowstone National Park 2014-07-21T10:09:11-06:00 Zack Hunt

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I should let you know up front that this post has no surprise Rob Bell-esque twist at the end where I come out of nowhere with a deep theological insight.

This is just a story about me chasing a moose through Yellowstone National Park that I wanted to share A) for your amusement and B) because after years lost in the wilderness, my friend Ryan just uncovered pictures of the momentous occasion.

Unfortunately, the entire story is too long and borderline unbelievable (but entirely true) for me to set the entire context of my stupidity, but if you’ve ever heard me speak before, chances are good you already know the story of what led me to Yellowstone National Park the summer after my freshman year in college and all the wonderful craziness that transpired along the way.

If not, don’t worry. Not knowing the rest of the story doesn’t affect this brief episode of idiocy.

And who knows?

Maybe I’ll write down the rest of the story one day so you can have a good laugh at me, but there’s no space here to tell you about nearly driving off a mesa in New Mexico, getting lost in Idaho, accidentally driving our conversion van down a horseback riding trail, or puking on bikers. And I’ll have to wait to tell you about crossing the bridge of death, the most beautiful campsite I’ve ever seen, and the secret natural hot tub in the middle of the Yellowstone backcountry.

All of that will have to wait for another day.

So, until that day arrives here’s all the context you need for this brief episode – my friend Ryan and I were back country hiking in Yellowstone National Park the summer after our freshman year in college.

This particular morning I woke up not particularly well rested after a night of constant terror. It was only our second night in the woods and I was still afraid that every bump in the night was a bear coming to eat me. So, I decided to try to calm my nerves by getting back to my Ansel Adams delusions of grandeur.

You see, I had brought my grandmother’s vintage camera along with me on the trip, convinced I would take amazing pictures along the way and emerge from the woods to be herald by the art world as the next Ansel Adams.

Now, if you don’t know who Ansel Adams is, then….well…I’ll pray for you.

Anyway, I got my backpack packed up a little quicker than Ryan that morning and while he was finishing gathering his stuff together, I decided to take a walk around our campsite and started snapping away at pseudo-artistic pictures of the trees and sky.

They were awful.

But thankfully for humanity’s sake no one’s eyes will ever be injured by the sight of those cheeztastic images.

Why?

Because in the middle of my wannabe Ansel Adams session I realized that the vintage camera I had hauled all the way across the country and all the way through the woods, the camera I had been taking pictures with like crazy for the past couple of days….wasn’t working.

I hadn’t taken a single picture.

(Turns out the battery was dead. I think.)

I was livid.

And more than a bit crestfallen.

Fortunately, Ryan played the part of the Good Samaritan that morning and offered to let me take a few pictures with his camera while he finished getting ready to hit the trail.

Still angry at myself, but also still delusional enough to think my Ansel Adams career had just had new life breathed into it, I borrowed Ryan’s camera and headed off into the woods alone to sulk and snap away.

I was out there by myself for only a few minutes when I heard what I assumed was Ryan coming up the trail behind me.

Turns out, though, that it wasn’t Ryan.

When I turned around to give him back his camera, I found myself standing face to face with full-grown 7-foot tall(?) adult bull moose.

He was just staring at me.

And I stared right back.

Naturally, I did what any aspiring Ansel Adams would do and snapped a picture.

To this day, I still can’t fully explain what happened next.

For some reason, the first thing that popped into my head while I stared down this majestic creature was….wait for it….the Crocodile Hunter.

You remember him, right? That crazy Australian TV host that used to wrestle alligators for science?

Well, for some insane reason, I got it into my head that if that guy can wrestle alligators, then surely I can pet this moose.

You know, for science and whatnot.

So, I took a step forward.

Not surprisingly, the moose turned and started to walk away.

But not quickly.

So, I took that as an invitation to keep following him.

I stalked him for about 20 yards or so before he stopped and turned around to look at me as if to say, “Are you really this stupid?”

I was.

And as soon as I snapped another quick picture, he started to walk away.

And I kept following, determined to pet him no matter what.

And then he started walking a little faster.

And so did I.

And then he started walking even faster.

And so did I.

And then he started running.

And so did I.

And before I knew it I was chasing a full-grown 7-foot tall adult bull moose through Yellowstone National Park like some sort of crazy person.

I didn’t care if I had a 70 lb backpack on and a camera dangling around my neck bouncing all over the place and hitting me in the face while I dodged trees and hopped over fallen logs. I was gonna pet that moose if it was the last thing I ever did.

And it may have been if disaster hadn’t struck in the form of a river that came out of nowhere.

While I quickly strategized my river crossing, the moose bolted across like the river wasn’t even there and was up and over a mountain before I even knew what happened.

Later that day, Ryan and I happened to meet a park ranger on the trail and, being inappropriately proud of myself, I told her what I did.

She stared back at me with outrage in her eyes and frustration in her voice (because the nearest set of handcuffs was 13 miles away) and said, “Are you kidding me?! Moose are responsible for more deaths in the park than grizzly bears!!”

Whoops.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

July 11, 2014

Have You Ever Been To An Oh By The Way Church?

Next Post

July 23, 2014 The Trailer For Black Jesus

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Book Review Classifieds Commentary Fundie Friday Funny Pictures Music Video News Prophecy Technology Televangelist Throwback Thursday Tract Tuesday Tracts Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 August 2018 June 2018 May 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 September 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz