Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
Married, Pregnant, In Crisis

Married, Pregnant, In Crisis

Last updated on: December 16, 2018 at 2:57 pm by Esther O’Reilly

Married, Pregnant, In Crisis 2018-12-16T14:57:57-05:00 Esther O’Reilly

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

iStock

If you saw a woman walking into a crisis pregnancy center, what would your first thought be?

She is pregnant and in crisis. That much you can safely assume. Beyond that, you could speculate: A single mom, most likely. She looks quite young, so probably an unwed mom. Maybe she’s considered an abortion and been steered towards better options. Maybe it’s her first. Maybe it’s her second.

Then you do a double take. That’s when you realize it: That’s not a single mom. That’s a woman you know.

That’s a woman you know, and she’s married.

That’s a woman you know, and she has small children.

That’s a woman you know, and she goes to your church.

Christian. Married. Pregnant. In crisis.

“But how can that be?” you ask. She has a loving husband with a steady job that’s providing for their needs (isn’t it?) And anyway, husbands and wives make plans about this sort of thing (don’t they?) Besides, they have a church community around them, so they should be taken care of (are they?)

These are hard, uncomfortable questions. But as Christians, we need to ask them, and we need to be prepared for the answers.

Here’s a google search for you to try: “baby shower” “second child.” On the first page, you’ll turn up forum discussions about whether it’s rude to suggest a second baby shower. By the time you’re on baby #2, certain unspoken assumptions are in place about where you’re at—or rather, where you should be at. You should be financially fairly stable, at least stable enough to have a second child (otherwise how did that happen?) You should have hand-me-down clothes and baby things aplenty (assuming baby #2 has the same gender as baby #1, of course). So why throw a second shower? It’s overkill. It’s redundant. It’s just not the done thing. By baby #2, you’re on your own. You’ll be fine.

Earlier this year, I read a blog post that deeply disturbed me. But it also opened my eyes. It was called “A pro-life response to unexpected pregnancy.” The author of the piece, Brittany Meng, is a Christian military wife and mother of five. She’s written and worked hard for the pro-life cause and upholds the sanctity of life. She cares for two sons on the autism spectrum. She’s a miscarriage survivor. She is the last kind of mother for whom you would imagine the thought of abortion would cross her mind, even fleetingly.

And yet it did.

Her fifth child was a surprise. Further, the pregnancy brought intense morning sickness of a kind she’d experienced before and prayed fervently never to experience again. But this prayer was unanswered. She writes graphically about the debilitating, wrenching nausea that left her bed-ridden, except when she staggered to the bathroom for one of many vomiting sessions. At the same time, she was sinking into a black pit of anxiety and depression.

“Is this a wanted pregnancy?” a questionnaire asked. She writes that she checked “yes,” because she knew the unspoken question behind the question. She knew what the done thing is with “unwanted” pregnancies. With her pen, she said “yes.” But in a corner of her mind, a corner of her heart, something else whispered “No.”

Out of curiosity, she began googling “morning sickness” and “termination,” and the results she found broke her heart. To her growing horror, as she read the stories, she understood them all too well.

She never made an appointment. She never whispered the thought to anyone but her therapist while she was thinking it. But eventually, she chose to share her “desperate, damning truth” with the world—not because she had changed her mind about abortion, not because she was proud of what she had thought even fleetingly about doing, but because people need to understand. They need to understand that while some of their friends are celebrating their pregnancy as an unmixed blessing, others are struggling to count it all joy. And often, very often, they struggle in silence—through shame, through fear, through embarrassment.

This is where it is imperative that the church proactively step up to the plate. I cannot underline this advice from Meng enough:

If you know someone who is unexpectedly pregnant, say congratulations but don’t just shower her with your excitement—ask how she is feeling about the pregnancy.
Keep asking.
Check in on her.
Pray for her and tell her you are praying for her.
Check in on her again. And again.

It is one of the profound, unfathomable mysteries of life that sometimes our greatest joys are inextricably linked with our greatest suffering. When Mary said “Yes,” she said “Yes” to joy and pain together, for she said “Yes” to life. If we, the church, are unwilling to confront this, to grapple with this beautiful and terrifying thing, we have reduced “Count it all joy” to a cheap needlepoint platitude.

As Christians, we must declare that life is better than death, even when death would feel like a mercy. We must declare that it is better to be than not to be. And then we must act like we mean it.

Let me close with one more story. This is the story of a man who fell in love with a beautiful girl. They both loved Jesus passionately. They wanted to serve him together. But her health was not good. Ever since childhood, she’d suffered from the symptoms of Lyme disease. Chronic pain, nausea and fatigue were part of the fabric of her life. But they chose to marry anyway. Then, on her wedding night, she started to get worse.

Then, after that, things got even worse. From tics to seizures to loss of motor capacity, everything that could go terribly wrong, did.

But this isn’t the end of the story. Because it’s not only Sarah who is sick now. It’s her husband, Michael, too. Both of them now manifest the symptoms of Lyme. They live one day at a time, hoping for the day when Michael is strong enough to finish his education and seek gainful employment.

Michael and Sarah would join a new church if they could, but they’re so debilitated that church-shopping is an impossible endeavor. Still, with what they have, they give thanks. They pray together. They meditate on Scripture together. They read writers like C. S. Lewis to keep their minds sharp and deepen their walk with God. They write about faith and the Christian walk (Sarah’s blog, Inkblots of Hope, is maintained here, where you can read her story in her own words). In all things, impossibly, they have given thanks.

And they give thanks now. Because God has brought them something else unforeseen. He has brought them a child.

They give thanks, even though OBGYNs left and right are turning Sarah down because she is “high-risk.” They give thanks, even though when they get lists of referrals all the known pro-life doctors they can find are too far away. They give thanks, because life has come, and it is well. Life has come, and it is very good.

A GoFundMe page was set up four months ago for Michael and Sarah, before they found themselves pregnant. They need help now more than ever. Thankfully, Sarah’s symptoms have lessened with the pregnancy, but there is a high probability they will return when the baby is born.

We give to many things and many people. We cannot give to everyone. Maybe you cannot give to Michael and Sarah. But let me ask at least that you pray with me for them. Let me ask that you pray for my friends, even though they are not your friends. Pray, and remember what it means that Christ became incarnate, not as a full-grown man, but as a baby. It means that the mother and child must give us pause. It means that we must see every child as it were the Savior of the world.

It means that God became Emmanuel. It means that He is with us still.

Previous Post

December 1, 2018

Book Review: A War of Loves

Next Post

December 21, 2018 The End of All Our Exploring

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 3 star 3.5 star 4 star 4.5 star Anatomy of a Song Behind the Songs Blog Stuff Book Reviews CCM CCM vs. SG CD Reviews Christians in Entertainment Christmas Essential 12 Christmas Favorites Christmas Top Fives Concert Reviews Concerts Culture Devotional Thoughts Faith and Culture From the Vault Fun Gospel Singers Gospel Songs Great Music Guest Posts Harmony Master Classes History Holidays Humor Hymns Interviews Marriage in the Movies Monday Morning Humor Movie Reviews Movies Music NQC Odds and Ends Old Movies, New Eyes Old Southern Gospel News Old Stuff Open Threads Other Genres Perfect Tenor Performances Polls Questions and Answers Recently Added SG vs. The Rest of the World Sing It Again Songs Songwriting Southern Gospel Surprise Sunday The Definitive Hymns Theology Toe-to-Toe Top 10 Lists Top 5 Top 5 Lists Two Sisters Review Uncategorized Video Posts Youtube Finds

Select a Month August 2026 February 2025 August 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 October 2023 March 2023 February 2023 December 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 June 2020 March 2020 February 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 April 2018 September 2017 August 2017 May 2017 February 2017 December 2016 November 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was the role of the "scribe" against whom Jesus often taught?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Interpreter of the law Tax collector Soldier Temple guard