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A Zen Koan Hits the Bullseye

A Zen Koan Hits the Bullseye

Last updated on: October 15, 2026 at 5:14 pm by Larry Jordan

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A Zen Koan Hits the Bullseye 2026-10-15T17:14:52-05:00 Larry Jordan

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Do you welcome the “embrace of not knowing”? Not knowing is most intimate.

Dizang then asked, "What is the purpose of pilgrimage?" Fayan replied, "I don't know." Image from Gamini/AI-generated, in the public domain

So Dizang then asked, “What is the purpose of pilgrimage?” Fayan replied, “I don’t know.” Image from Gemini/AI-generated, in the public domain

A koan is a paradoxical question, statement or story intended to prompt a spiritual awakening by bypassing ordinary logic or reasoning.

Once, I joined an online event at a Zen center. Many people attend these events, and they can be relatively anonymous. But when I joined this one, fewer than a dozen people were online, and they were meditating when I entered. I thought, “I didn’t expect this. It’s very intimate.”

And when the meditation ended, the host saw I was on the call and asked me to introduce myself. Again, I thought, “I didn’t expect this. It’s very intimate.” Soon, we broke into small groups. Again, I thought, “I didn’t expect this. It’s very intimate.”

But I had meditated, introduced myself, and participated in small groups, so the experience was NOT terrifying, but it was a bit unsettling. And all along, there was less certainty, less knowing, and more intimacy. And then we discussed a koan from the Book of Serenity.

Dizang’s Not Knowing

Dizang asked Fayan, “Where are you going?”

And Fayan answered, “Around on pilgrimage.”

Dizang then asked, “What is the purpose of pilgrimage?”

And Fayan replied, “I don’t know.”

Dizang said, “Not knowing is most intimate.”

Sometimes, these ancient koans about Chinese or Japanese sages can seem irrelevant or obscure, but this one hit me right between the eyes. Then I understood “not knowing” and intimacy.

“Not Knowing is Most Intimate.”

So I admired the pilgrim’s matter-of-fact honesty and the teacher’s gracious, wise response. “Intimate” means close, personal, warm. Instinctively, we believe that intimacy comes from knowing. We know our family and friends. And we know our vocation or avocation.

When I thought about intimacy and not knowing, I recalled times when I had looked at my family members or friends with fresh eyes. When I had dropped my baggage and wiped the slate clean, I discovered new ways to appreciate them or relate to them.

Also, I recalled times when I had to handle a project that required me to look at my work with fresh eyes. “You’re on your own,” the boss might say, “There’s no roadmap for this deal.” Honestly, those projects were among the most exciting, interesting and rewarding.

A wise friend commented, “These experiences are like roller coasters. They are so exhilarating, partly because they are so intimidating.”

Sensei Michael Brunner explains, “Dizang’s wisdom invites us to unclench our minds from the constant search for answers in the realms of the discursive mind. When we are present in a state of wonder, we find our true selves in the embrace of not knowing. It’s an invitation to drop the burden of constant seeking and simply be. In the intimacy of ‘not knowing,’ we touch the essence of existence itself. ”

What Does this Koan Have to Do with Faith Deconstruction?

Another wise friend said, “This is where I am in my spiritual journey. I left the certainty of religion for the uncertainty of deconstruction. Now, I realize that there was no ‘certainty’ in my religion. And the church indoctrinated me in opinions, NOT facts. I know that now.”

So we do NOT know anything about God, even whether God exists. Yet, many churches have become places where people settle into their own beliefs, NOT places where people examine their lives and seek to experience God or Ultimate Reality.

Perhaps the evolution from embracing religious “certainty” based on faith and recognizing uncertainty based on inquiry is its own knowing. So think of it as the knowing of not knowing. Maybe we were always uncertain or unknowing, but we are only now coming to terms with it.

So, what does this koan have to do with your spiritual life? Are you a pilgrim? Are you a seeker or a settler? Where are you going? Do you know? Why are you going? Do you know? When are you not knowing? When you are not knowing, is it close, personal and warm, or is it scary?

Do you welcome the “embrace of not knowing”? Not knowing is most intimate.

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Artificial Intelligence (AI) Disclosure Statement

I do NOT use artificial intelligence (AI) in my writing. I write, review, and edit my own content.

All assertions, interpretations, and opinions are my own, unless otherwise noted.

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About Larry Jordan

Larry Jordan is a follower of Jesus with a Zen practice. He wrote “The Way,” informed by the Eastern religions, the mystics, and the quantum physicists. "The Way" won a 2024 Nautilus Book Award. You can read more about the author here.

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