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Reflections on My Spiritual Reconstruction

Reflections on My Spiritual Reconstruction

Last updated on: September 16, 2026 at 6:55 am by Larry Jordan

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Reflections on My Spiritual Reconstruction 2026-09-16T06:55:02-05:00 Larry Jordan

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

My reconstruction was transformative.

Recently, I had the opportunity to share at the Center for Non-Religious Spirituality (CNRS) Sunday Morning Community Hour. Jim Palmer, who wrote the foreword to The Way, founded CNRS. This is the second in a two-part series. I wrote about my religious deconstruction here.

I experienced a change of heart more than a change of mind. This new way of being has brought me clarity, freedom and insight. Image by Gemini/AI-generated, in the public domain

I experienced a change of heart more than a change of mind. This new way of being brought me clarity, freedom and insight. Image by Gemini/AI-generated, in the public domain

My Reconstruction was Transformative

Over the last 20 years, I traveled around the world, read over 1,000 books about spirituality, and had some powerful experiences in several spiritual traditions, including baking in a sweat lodge, chanting to Shiva, studying with Zen masters, and whirling with the dervishes. And I had powerful experiences with atheists who shared my awe, gratitude, and reverence for the natural world.

The Eastern religions, the mystics, and the scientists all point to the same truth: Everyone is related, and everything is connected. For me, this is Truth with a capital T, the “pearl of great price.” Essentially, I traded everything that I used to believe for the one thing that I now know. And it changed everything, including my politics and my spirituality, even my personality.

My adult children asked, “What happened to you?! Before, you were a single-minded investment banker. And now, you are an open-hearted and open-minded spiritual seeker. You cry more, and you laugh more. You have more depth, joy and meaning in your life. And you have more friends and deeper friendships. Whatever you did, more people should do it!!”

When you realize that everyone is related, and everything is connected, you do NOT ban Muslims, build walls, marginalize LGBTQ+ people, separate families, or take away anyone’s healthcare. “Love your neighbor as yourself,” as Jesus said. “Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly,” as Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said.

My reconstruction was transformative.

My Reconstruction was Clarifying

I experienced a change of heart more than a change of mind. This new way of being has brought me clarity, freedom and insight. It brought new communities and new friendships into my life. And it helped me to make sense of some things that used to puzzle me. I am much more comfortable with mystery, nuance, paradox and uncertainty.

Many of the greatest minds of the arts and sciences understand our interconnectedness, our lack of separation. In The Way, I wrote, “You do not have to take my word for it. You can read David Bohm or Joseph Campbell or Albert Einstein or Thich Nhat Hanh or Aldous Huxley or Carl Jung or Abraham Maslow or Plato or Shankara or Baruch Spinoza or Paul Tillich.”

My Zen practice helped me to realize that “self” is a construct, shaped by my chemistry and my conditioning. It is ever-changing like everything else. I am NOT my body, my thoughts or my beliefs. Now, I know one thing, and I believe a few things. (And I do not hold too tightly to the few things I believe.) I can change my mind, and I do so whenever my beliefs collide with my reality.

It also taught me not to take things personally. I realize that we are all living one interconnected life. Podcaster Joe Rogan said, “It’s very possible that everybody is exactly the same at the core, but we’re just living these different existences through different lenses.” If we are all living one interconnected life, how can you hurt me? Essentially, there is no ME to hurt.

Still, we inhabit different bodies in space and time. So when we attribute our behavior (and others’ behavior) to chemistry and conditioning, rather than intention or malice, we are more likely to respond compassionately, rather than defensively.

My reconstruction was transformative, as well as clarifying.

I Re-Engage Selectively

As someone who cares quite a lot about knowledge and only a little about belief, I always draw a bright line between the two. I enjoy discussing the big, existential questions with others. However, I do NOT evangelize others, and I do NOT enjoy being evangelized by others. Some cultures and some people, including me, think that evangelism is a form of violence.

Christianity is an evangelistic religion, and many Christians believe that their beliefs are the “right” beliefs. When we discuss beliefs, neither of us can assume that our beliefs are more “right.” So, when Christians evangelize me, I might say, “I respect your beliefs. But Christianity is not my tradition; the God of the Bible is not my God; and the Bible is not my book.”

All religion is cultural, and all theology is speculation. Nobody knows anything about God, even whether God exists. Religions are like languages, different ways of describing the Indescribable. Why would we limit ourselves to one language? And there are six billion non-Christians. Many of their traditions are older than Christianity, and many of them have their own books.

Sometimes, I invite my Christian friends to read the Bhagavad Gita or the Tao Te Ching, so we might better understand each other’s perspectives. Very few have accepted that invitation. After all, I was a Christian for 50 years. That train left the station, and I was on it. So why would I want to have a one-sided conversation with Christians, about Christians, for Christians?

My last word in many conversations is, “You might be right.” This is a graceful and honest response. If all religion is cultural, and all theology is speculation, then surely, either of us might be right. (There is also an implied reminder that “You might be wrong, too.”) Sometimes, I might say, “Now, you tell me I might be right,” to see whether the other person can be gracious and honest, too.

I Resist Labels. I Embrace Nuance.

In matters of religion, certainty is an illusion. Ultimately, we are all agnostic, but only some of us are willing to admit that. Spirituality involves a lot of mystery, nuance, paradox and uncertainty. So attaching labels to others (or to ourselves) often produces more harm than good. All atheists are NOT the same, all Buddhists are NOT the same, and all Christians are NOT the same.

When someone asks, “What are you?” I might say, “I don’t know. Do I have to ‘be’ something? Am I an atheist, a Buddhist, a Christian? None of those labels fit.” I am NOT being coy about that. (Remember, I wrote a book about it.) But we risk misunderstanding each other if we label ourselves or each other and import the assumptions that accompany those labels.

For a long time, I labeled myself as a Christian, but I was the only one who thought so. Because my beliefs and practices were outside Christian norms, few people accepted that I was a Christian. Now, when someone asks if I am a Christian, I might say, “No, I’m not a Christian. I was, but no church would have me.” That is true, but it is a sad commentary on the labels that we attach.

Some of my Christian friends tell me that I am a better Christian than most real Christians. That may or may not be true, but it is a sad commentary on what it means to be a real Christian. Apparently, beliefs matter more than behaviors. Jesus is probably rolling over in his grave (if He has a grave). My reconstruction was transformative.

I Reconnect with Open-Minded People

When we lose our church communities, we often look to connect with other gracious, joyful, loving, open-hearted, open-minded people in other communities. (I said “open-minded people,” NOT “like-minded people,” because it is more important to find people who accept others regardless of their beliefs than to find people who accept others who share the same beliefs.)

In my experience, many Buddhists, Quakers, and Unitarian Universalists will fit that description. Some mainline Christians, Post-Evangelical Christians and Progressive Christians will fit it, too. There are lots of communities and deconstruction spaces, in person and online, that are NOT doctrinal, exclusive or evangelistic.

The Center for Non-Religious Spirituality (CNRS) is one such space. CNRS offers many opportunities to connect with other spiritual seekers in a safe setting. It offers many online gatherings to meet and share with others on similar journeys. Many community members were traumatized by high-control religions.

I have met many good friends in communities like CNRS. Sometimes, we only see each other at CNRS events. Other times, we follow up with phone calls or Zoom calls, or we meet in person. Amazingly, I have met people online who live near me, and we would never have met without the online introduction.

I Represent Myself as Non-Religious AND Spiritual

I represent myself as unapologetically nonreligious and unapologetically spiritual. Some people who have only experienced spirituality in church do NOT understand how someone could be both.

Honestly, it is easier to show someone (than to tell them) how this is so. Most people who are non-religious and spiritual do NOT fit the stereotypes. I wrote about the myths of deconstruction here. At first, anger is part of the process, and it can be helpful at first. But generally, once we process our deconstruction, we are NOT angry, disrespectful, self-centered, undisciplined or uninformed.

We are NOT succumbing to peer pressure or secular influences. We do NOT want to rebel or sin.

Most non-religious people are NOT less open-hearted or less open-minded than religious people. In fact, they might be more so. If we have had any meaningful conversations about spirituality, most of my religious friends respect me. They see, as my adult children see, that I am a better person since I stopped going to church. My reconstruction was transformative.

Even my religious friends who do NOT see my transformation as uniformly positive might say something like, “I don’t completely understand you, but your worldview obviously works for you.” That, too, is a “win” for me, because I am NOT hoping that I can convert or deconvert anyone. I am only hoping that we can love each other unconditionally, regardless of our beliefs.

My reconstruction was transformative.

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The Way received a 2024 Nautilus Book Award.

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Artificial Intelligence (AI) Disclosure Statement

I do NOT use artificial intelligence (AI) in my writing. I write, review, and edit my own content.

All assertions, interpretations, and opinions are my own, unless otherwise noted.

I may use tools such as Google Gemini for ancillary purposes:

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About Larry Jordan

Larry Jordan is a follower of Jesus with a Zen practice. He wrote “The Way,” informed by the Eastern religions, the mystics, and the quantum physicists. "The Way" won a 2024 Nautilus Book Award. You can read more about the author here.

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