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Anger is a Common, But Difficult, Aspect of Deconstruction

Anger is a Common, But Difficult, Aspect of Deconstruction

Last updated on: August 26, 2026 at 9:36 am by Larry Jordan

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Anger is a Common, But Difficult, Aspect of Deconstruction 2026-08-26T09:36:32-05:00 Larry Jordan

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Anger often accompanies faith deconstruction. Some people who think that “God is on my side,” citing their scriptures or traditions, can become angry and unkind, and they often will express it. Almost everyone who deconstructs their faith has received angry responses from family, friends and strangers. And some people who deconstruct their faith can become angry and unkind, too.

We can effectively manage our anger when we realize some things and change other things. Image from Gemini/Ai-generated, in the pulic domain

Almost everyone who deconstructs their faith has received angry responses from family, friends and strangers. Image from Gemini/Ai-generated, in the public domain

Christianity Lost Touch with its Countercultural Roots

Why would anyone deconstructing their faith become angry? Sadly, a religion that arose in response to empire became the religion of empire, the religion of Rome and the religion of Mar-a-Lago.

Reflecting on contemporary Christian Nationalism, Eric English, a fellow Patheos writer, recently wrote this here: “Rome sacralized the state. We’ve nationalized the sacred. A flag in the sanctuary. A president who reflects nothing of Christ’s character but protects the tribe, handed Caesar’s own titles — anointed, chosen, God’s instrument.”

In The Way, I described the values of 1st-century Christianity: the Kingdom of God, inclusion and orthopraxy, emphasizing the Golden Rule, healing, teaching, transformation and wholeness. Also, I described the values of 21st-century Christianity: judgement, exclusion and orthodoxy, emphasizing suffering, superficiality and supernaturalism. These are very different teachings.

English seems to agree, “American evangelicalism has drifted into a kind of religious idealism. God has stopped functioning, for many believers, as a living presence who acts and confronts, and started functioning as a concept you affirm and defend, the way you’d defend a position in an argument.” In other words, belief, NOT trust; orthodoxy, NOT orthopraxy; holiness, NOT wholeness.

Today, many people see Christianity as a stronghold of anti-semitism, homophobia, Islamophobia, misogyny, racism, and xenophobia. Many churches and denominations are losing members. Arguably, the church is the most racially segregated institution in Western culture, and many churches still do NOT fully recognize the rights of women or LGBTQ+ people, for example.

Whenever I meet people who are deconstructing their religious beliefs, I will ask, “Have you released your anger?” No one ever said, “Anger? Why would I be angry? What is there to release?” Instead, everyone either says, “No, I am still processing a lot of anger,” or (like me) they say, “Mostly, but there’s a lot to process, and sometimes, it surfaces again.”

Anger Often Accompanies Faith Deconstruction

In The Way, I wrote that I became angry when I realized the people who taught me beliefs presented them as facts, NOT beliefs. Most of them had NOT asked the questions or done the homework. Many of their beliefs were speculation, and much of their doctrine was supernatural. Some of these beliefs and doctrines encouraged unkind behavior toward others.

Why did churches tell many of us that our beliefs were more important than our behaviors? Why did some churches pretend that our doctrine was inflexible, immune from mystery or uncertainty? And why did our churches hold onto ancient beliefs and practices, long after modern historians, philosophers and scientists discredited them?

Also, I became angry that many Christian beliefs strayed from the words and works of Jesus. Many Christians were unkind to divorced people, LGBTQ+ people, non-Christian people, and others. They had done so in the name of religion, and they had encouraged me to do the same. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians.”

Unfortunately, when we confess our doubts, deconstruct our faiths or leave our churches, we discover that beliefs are more important than relationships for many family members and friends. Also, we realize that many “church friends” are NOT real friends. Now, they are angry, and they might chastise, ignore or shun us. They might betray our confidences or tell lies about us, too.

There is a Human Toll Here

Also, I became angry when I realized how much religion took from us in terms of emotion, money and time invested. How much emotion did we invest in friends who were only “church friends”? How much money did we spend in churches that spent our money on staff, programs and facilities? And how much time did we spend in worship, sermons and Bible study that we now regret?

In extreme cases, people in religious cults can leave the church without adequate resources, healthy relationships or transferable skills. One former minister who left his ministry in his forties said, “I was friendless, poor, and underemployed, with little support from my family and no support from my ‘church’ friends.’ In mid-life, I was not reconstructing a life. I was constructing a life.”

Also, I became angry when I realized how many people from conservative Christian denominations, like Catholics, Evangelicals, Mormons, and Orthodox, were hurt (worse than me) by religion. Scholars suggest that approximately one-third of adults have experienced religious trauma, including emotional, financial, psychological, or sexual and physical abuse.

Former ministers can feel guilty, having served a church that damaged people. Likewise, parents can feel guilty, too, having once indoctrinated their children in some harmful beliefs and practices. There is a human toll here that others might have imposed on us, and we might have imposed on others. As they say, “Hurt people hurt people,” and some of us left church to break that cycle.

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The Way received a 2024 Nautilus Book Award.

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About Larry Jordan

Larry Jordan is a follower of Jesus with a Zen practice. He wrote “The Way,” informed by the Eastern religions, the mystics, and the quantum physicists. "The Way" won a 2024 Nautilus Book Award. You can read more about the author here.

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