Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Why I Am Catholic

Home
3 Weird Things I’m Doing On Top Of My (Secret) Lenten Penance This Year

3 Weird Things I’m Doing On Top Of My (Secret) Lenten Penance This Year

Last updated on: January 24, 2017 at 6:56 pm by Frank Weathers

3 Weird Things I’m Doing On Top Of My (Secret) Lenten Penance This Year 2017-01-24T18:56:08-05:00 Frank Weathers

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

*Sigh* It’s going to be a long Lent.

It’s the Lenten season, and each of us will make a personal sacrifice of some sort. I’m not divulging what I am seriously sacrificing this time around. Maybe I’ll disclose it later, perhaps even years from now if I’m still hammering away on a keyboard.

After seven years, I’m still learning my way through Lent. I’ll probably still be learning right up until I’m receiving Last Rites, though we don’t call it that anymore. I only just now read the USCCB’s Pastoral Statement On Penance And Abstinence. It was published back in 1966, but I never would have known that if I wouldn’t have gone looking for it.

Read it now to prevent being an ignoramus like me.

Before I discovered that educational document, I decided to do a few things on top of my top secret personal sacrifice this year. Call me a glutton for punishment.

#1. For my daily beer, I am only going to drink India Pale Ales during Lent.

Oh, goody.

I’m a beer lover, people. Long time readers know this well, while you first timers are hearing it right from the horse’s mouth. But there is one type of beer that I really loathe, and its initials are IPA.

I hate ’em. Can’t stand ’em. Not a fan. They remind me of unsweetened grapefruit juice, and though I like grapefruit juice I’d be lying if I said I like it as a beer.

Therefore there will be one IPA drank per man, per day except on Feast Days or on the Lord’s Day. Pray for me, will you? I hate this stuff.

#2. I rebalanced a portion of my IRA into the worst performing mutual fund I could find.

I’m a former stock broker, remember? One of the things I learned while plying that trade was doing something called rebalancing. I may have mentioned it somewhere before. Lots of folks honor it in theory, but avoid it in practice.

Some experts recommend you engage in this action quarterly, annually, sporadically, or not at all. You pare back your winners, while buying some losers, see? Easy-peasy. I figured I’d do it on Ash Wednesday this year, with the added bonus of rolling 10% of my retirement portfolio into the investment vehicle that has absolutely been killed over the last 5 years. You know, while the general stock market has been setting new records without leaving a skid mark.

Painful graph courtesy of Yahoo! Finance.

This loser is called the Vanguard Precious Metals and Mining Fund*. Precious Metals equity is notorious for being volatile. So much so, that the practitioners of the dark art of portfolio management recommend folks put no more than 5% of their holdings into this asset class. I doubled that to 10% because its easier to live with than self-flagellation. Besides, it’s been beaten down so far, and for so long, maybe it’s bound to go up. Regression to the mean, etc., etc.

Hope springs eternal.

Last, but not least…

You know what I like about this photograph? It’s in the Public Domain.

#3. I’m giving up the “Like” button on Facebook.

Perhaps you’ll enjoy this post. Maybe you’ll think it’s swell. You know what you should do? You should share it with your friends. Heck, you should share it with strangers too. Share it with errbody! And the folks you share it with? They might even “like” it.

Of the three weird things I’m doing this year, this one has been the least important, and yet it’s the hardest to implement. It’s almost like (pun intended) we’ve been conditioned to “like” things just because we can. Hate what the Supreme Court is doing? Like a post that bashes the Supreme Court! Nothing will change, but hey, you’ll feel like you did something anyway. You have cast your vote.

That neat post your 454th Facebook friend just posted? Like it! Who knows? They might like something you post one day. Wouldn’t that be special? It would. And you can tally all the likes you’ve gotten at the end of the day, and go to sleep satisfied.

Just after I decided I was giving up likes for Lent, I liked one of my friends’ posts. Grrrrr! As it turns out, this really is hard. I’m going to go with using pithy sayings, or maybe I’ll use photographs like the one up yonder. But I will not push that “like” button, I swear (said in the best Kenneth Branagh, as Henry V, voice I can muster).

Lent on, and keep smiling (and praying, fasting, and giving alms).

*** Ahem. Don’t even pretend that I’m giving you investment advice. Don’t make me bore you with a bunch of disclaimers. You’re on your own.**

Previous Post

February 18, 2015

From the Treasure Chest: “The Little Guide for Lent,” circa 1808

Next Post

February 20, 2015 That Time When I Was On The Radio With Mark Shea...

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Blog News Conversion Story Culture Learning Living Nature Prayer Uncategorized Working

Select a Month June 2016 May 2016 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the lesson in the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Work for salvation Forgive others as you are forgiven Obey without question Store up treasure on earth