Polyamory and Zen

Last updated on: April 17, 2014 at 7:57 pm by Dosho Port

Polyamory and Zen 2014-04-17T19:57:36-06:00 Dosho Port

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Several years ago my parents celebrated their 60th anniversary. Tetsugan asked them, “How did you stay together all these years? What’s your secret?”

Without batting an eye, my mom said, “We didn’t think we had a choice.”

That’s meaningful on many levels and striking to me that now we have so many choices.

One that has been emerging from the shadows lately – now that being gay and lesbian is trendy – is polyamory. It’s even the hot topic in some internet Zen circles I audit, following the posting on YouTube of a thoughtful, careful and dignified talk by San Francisco trained priest, Ingen Breen, on “Zen and Polyamory.”

(What is “polyamory?” Loving multiple people in an open manner. Click here for more.)

In his talk, Ingen puts the practice of multiple, open, honest relationships in the context of Buddhist practice. Ingen goes further and discloses his own polyamory and endorses polyamory. For him, polyamory is a sexual identity. Yes – like being straight, or gay, or lesbian. So not as a choice or an experiment or a symptom but the way a person is.

I repeat – polyamory is (sometimes at least) the way a person is.

If there are those among us – and those among us that are polyamorous report that there are – then it is the Zen way (or ought to be) to open our hearts and not lecture about the virtues of our way of loving or how in our young hippie days we tried it and found that it wasn’t for us.

After all, the former point is boring and the latter point simply indicates that it wasn’t for us – not that it isn’t for anyone. Like a guy who experiments with guys but finds that he’s really interested in women.

Thank God and the Buddhas for human diversity.

Now I’m not polyamorous … but I don’t think that hetro-mono-amorousness is the be-all-and-end-all of human sexuality. Some smart people even think that it’s part of the problem. Take, for example, the high divorce rates, the dissatisfaction that so many married people experience in their love lives (after the initial passion wears thin), and the huge porn industry.

And then there’s the possibility that for a long, long time our hunter-gatherer ancestors were polyamorous – like the bonobos, to whom we’re more closely related than wolves are to coyotes.

Click here for an excellent Ted Talk on the subject. Or for a more thorough working, see Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

March 28, 2014

Having Inconceivable Good Fortune

Next Post

April 30, 2014 Leaping Free, the Primal Life, Deep and Bright

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 August 2021 June 2021 April 2021 February 2021 January 2021 November 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 August 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 December 2016 October 2016 June 2016 April 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 August 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What empire defeated the Assyrians and took control of Israel?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Babylonian Egyptian Greek Persian