Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Whiskey Preacher

Home
About Whiskey Preacher
- Writings
- Interviews
Book & Contact Info
Subscribe To The Whiskey Updates

Home
Progressive Christian
Adult Butt Wipes Are From Jesus

Adult Butt Wipes Are From Jesus

Last updated on: March 23, 2012 at 3:34 pm by Phil Shepherd

Adult Butt Wipes Are From Jesus 2012-03-23T15:34:46-06:00 Phil Shepherd

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I am an adult butt wipe evangelist…they are from Jesus. After the lack of response from my latest “Theology From The Crapper” tweet, pontificating the proof that Jesus stills preforms miracles, I realized that the majority of the world must not understand the power of the adult butt wipe. So, being the adult butt wipe evangelist that I am, I have provided the top seven (because that is Jesus’ favorite number) miracles that can be preformed by using adult butt wipes!

1) They help with “spots” that normal toilet tissue can’t seem to reach.

2) They smell great…well they smell better than a wretched asshole.

3) They can clean other things than just your chocolate starfish…can we say, “butt wipe bath?”

4) If you buy a portable pack (yes these God sends come in portable packs), you can use them in public bathrooms to wipe off a the toilet seat that has probably just been abused by someone who ate at KFC earlier in the day.

5) You can also use adult butt wipes to help do a quick clean of your personal bathroom if you don’t have time to clean it properly…your unexpected guests will never know and they will think your bathroom has been blessed by the ass sweat of a seraph.

6) If you suffer from what is known as hemorrhoids, then adult butt wipes will become your Balm of Gilead and your ass will sing praises to the One on high!

7) Everyone sharts from time to time, and if you are an adult butt wipe user you have a clear advantage over the other sharters, who either can run in shame, or subject their surroundings with lovely wafts of shit that is leaking out of their backside. An adult butt wipe user can handle the situation of sharting quickly and discreetly when the time comes with out succumbing to the social pitfalls that sharting causes.

Jesus still works miracles

Previous Post

March 15, 2012

Who The Hell Is Jesus Part 2

Next Post

March 25, 2012 ...Do I Deserve To Be Shot?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Are We Missing The Point? Podcast Articles Featured Job, Tattoos, & The Problem With Pain Podcasts Prayers Uncategorized Vidcasts WBR

Select a Month December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 July 2016 May 2015 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 June 2014 May 2014 January 2014 December 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 November 2011 October 2011 July 2011 May 2011 March 2011 February 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who conquered Jerusalem and made it his capital?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Solomon Hezekiah David Saul