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A Short Guide to Overcoming Worry

A Short Guide to Overcoming Worry

Last updated on: September 27, 2024 at 10:08 am by Tom Rapsas

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A Short Guide to Overcoming Worry 2024-09-27T10:08:53-06:00 Tom Rapsas

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Ready to break free from the chains of worry? Read this. (Photo via Kelly Sikkema & Unsplash.)

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom

How often do you find yourself worrying about something? Daily? Well, if you just answered yes, know that you’re not alone. A recent Gallup Poll showed that 55% of Americans feel stressed or worried on any given day. And as the quote at the top of the page illustrates, worrying is not a good thing. It can keep us from being fully present in the moments that make up our lives.

Why do we worry so much?

Carl Richards, who writes the quasi-financial Behavior Gap column, points out that worrying is a behavioral trait that dates to the time of the caveman and cavewoman. Worrying kept us on our toes. It helped us stay alert to predatory animals or other tribes who might want to bring harm to our tribe. The issue: worry became ingrained in our nature.

Today, we don’t face the same type of life-or-death threats that our earliest ancestors did. Yet, we worry all the same. We stress over our children, our relationships, our job security, our finances, and our health. The list goes on and on. Richards points out that the problem is “most things we worry about just don’t happen” and “even if they do happen, worrying doesn’t help.”

So how do you keep worrying from making you nuts?

I’ve put together a three-pronged approach to help deal with worry. And while it may not eliminate your worries altogether, it should at least make them easier to manage.

Prong #1: Change the way you’re thinking about the problem.

The first suggestion is to face whatever is worrying you head-on and show the stressed-out part of your brain that there’s a better way. Richards has a simple practice for getting worry under control. It starts by taking a few deep breaths, then asking yourself three questions:

Is this a real problem or something my mind has blown out of proportion?

What’s the worst thing that can happen if the thing I’m worrying about comes to pass?

When I worried about this thing in the past, did it actually help?

Richards believes we need to either “fix it or forget it.” That means either finding a solution to the thing you’re worrying about—or, if there is no apparent solution, to stop thinking about it and let the issue resolve itself. Your worrying is doing you no good as businessman turned life philosopher John Templeton points out:

Worry is like a rocking chair that gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere.

Like a rocking chair, your brain is in motion but you’re not making any forward progress. And you may be making the situation worse as your mind imagines a slew of worst-case scenarios. If the issue is truly serious, you’re actually wasting time that could be better spent finding a valid way to address the challenge you’re facing.

Templeton tells us that the origin of the word “worry,” as found in Webster’s New World Dictionary, is to “strangle or choke, to annoy or bother.” That’s worth contemplating. When we worry, “we can strangle the flow of ideas that could help us solve the problem. We can choke (or block) the life current and keep it from flowing freely through us.”

Like Richards, Templeton also points out that the things people worry about tend not to happen and are often born out of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unexpected. Fear of the worst possible outcome. This fear is usually not realistic and is often the product of our imagination.

Prong #2: Write down the best possible solutions.

The next step is to flip the switch from fear to positive action. You can do this by asking yourself a simple question: What’s the best solution to the thing I’m worrying about?

Worried about job security? Write down the steps you can take to make your position more secure. Should you be in real danger of losing your job, brainstorm other employment options so you’re prepared.
Worried about a loved one? Consider the actions you can take to improve the relationship—or the advice and steps you can take to help those who need your help. Again, writing down your thoughts often serves as a great way to move your worries out of your head.
Worried about the latest headlines in the news? Know that most things are out of your control and worrying about it doesn’t help. There is balance in life, bad is often followed by good, and most troublesome situations come to pass.

Prong #3: Stop the non-stop chatter in your head.

The next thing we’ll address is the “monkey mind.” In her new book Ordinary Mysticism (which I’ll be writing about next week), Mirabai Starr calls it “the habitual mental impulse that chases after every banana of thought that pops up.” That can be a problem because as Starr states, “I don’t care how sharp your intellect, you can’t figure this all out with your mind.”

So what’s one to do? If you don’t have a meditation practice, try this: breathe deeply. Breathe in through the nose or mouth into the belly and the chest. Focus all your attention on your breathing. Feel your breath and listen to it as you inhale and exhale through your nostrils. Continue breathing deeply and slowly. When your mind wanders, gently return your focus to your breathing.

Another option: Move from your head to your heart with this simple practice from Starr: Simply sit in silence for a minimum of ten minutes. If you feel your mind wandering, from time to time use a sacred word or phrase as an anchor when your thoughts drift away. Try either “Be still,” or “May all things be well.”

Yes, ridding ourselves of troubling thoughts is often easier said than done. So along with the advice above, you might heed this additional advice from John Templeton: Have faith. “Faith in God, faith in the goodness of life, faith in the universe, faith in your own potential.” A little faith can help you realize that, in good time, everything will work out for the best.

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