Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Victorious Living

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
When to Forfeit and When to Fight

When to Forfeit and When to Fight

Last updated on: February 25, 2021 at 5:00 am by Victorious Living

When to Forfeit and When to Fight 2021-02-07T23:53:48-05:00 Victorious Living

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

There are two kinds of people in the world – those who give up too easily and those who give up too infrequently. No matter which one of these is you, it can become a problem. There is a time and a place for everything. A time to give up and a time to endure. A time to fight and a time to forfeit.

Growing in our ability to discern when to do each can dramatically transform our lives. It can change how we feel, the status of our relationships, and the attitude/perspective we carry around that shapes everything we say, think, and do.

Polarizing Extremes

Our society does not really love nuance. We don’t like complications. We want things to be one thing or another. Balance can be elusive.

But the truth is there are very few things in life that are just inherently terrible. Most evil things are, at the root, some good desire gone bad. Some small element of the truth magnified to be the whole truth. This is as comforting to us as it is dangerous. We tend to ignore the danger and lean into the comfort.

When it comes to fighting versus forfeit, we tend to rush to one extreme or the other. We want to make one a formulaic way of life, an all-circumstance posture or way of being. We become lost in whether we are a fight or flight person – which is “better”. Neither are bad and neither are perfect.

When we fight too much, we leave a wake of burnt bridges and broken relationships. We can become addicted to winning, competitive to a fault. Unchecked, we will use the people around us as pawns, develop an arrogance of superiority, or a chip on our shoulder as perpetual victims.

When we forfeit too much, we lose ourselves and we deprive the world of an important voice. We stew in loneliness and a quiet sense of superiority. Or we feel worthless and insignificant, constantly regretting our own self.

Breaking Into Balance

To begin finding a balance, we have to accept that a balance is necessary. Life is not a battle. Nor is it a compromise. It is neither. And both.

It boils down to this. Every circumstance we face is not an opportunity to fight or give up. It is an opportunity to make our choices. And the best method for decision making is to try our best to figure out what really matters to us. What are our deepest values? What is the vision we have for our life and for our world.

Too often, whether we fight or forfeit depends solely on how we feel. It is an exercise in instant gratification. What makes us feel good in the moment. All of us have had the experience of just how fleeting this can be. What made me feel good in my moment of anger or sadness of loneliness was not very sustainable and, as often as not, leads to prolonged sufferings.

Vision is an exercise in delayed gratification. What journey are we on? What do we really want?

Rather than quitting, fighting, forfeiting, complaining, or blaming based on the momentary tyranny of our emotion-driven narratives of the future, we do much better to be driven by what really matters to us. Not just what we are striving to achieve, but what we are striving to be.

In this sense, each circumstance we face is an invitation to test our vision. Or, perhaps better said, to test our resolve toward our vision. If your vision is true, it is worth fighting for. But fighting does not always mean plummeting others. Sometimes those people you can’t stand or the ideas that infuriate you are co-laborers toward a true vision rather than enemies trying to keep you from it. All true visions work in harmony with one another.

If you are engaged with something that is entirely incompatible with your vision, then is the time to forfeit. But “incompatible with your vision” is not code for “I don’t like this” or “this is not what I want to hear”. There are very few things you will encounter that are not in some way compatible with your vision.

Previous Post

February 23, 2021

Three Kinds of Leaders

Next Post

March 2, 2021 Choosing Gratitude When You Don't Feel Like It

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Choices Conflict Resolution Culture Change Emotions Failure Faith Fear Freedom V Growth Healthy Communication Hope Identity Influence Leadership Learn Mistakes Mood Curve Ownership Perspective Power Relationships Self-Awareness Self-Governance Systems Thinking Three Things You Control Transformational Leadership Trust Truth Uncategorized Values Vision

Select a Month January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was the high priest during the boyhood of Samuel?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Hophni Eli Ahijah Phinehas

Books by This Author Books by Victorious Living

See All Titles »