The Difference Between Letting Go and Losing Control

Last updated on: March 31, 2020 at 5:00 am by Victorious Living

The Difference Between Letting Go and Losing Control 2020-02-04T17:34:41-05:00 Victorious Living

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Like so many things in life, there is a fine balance between letting go of our need to control everything and losing our willingness to steward what we can control.

We are people of extremes, addicted to the dramatic. We want to control it all or give up entirely. Most of our dabbling in between is a subtle manipulation meant to draw us (and others) to one extreme or the other.

The difficulty is the two enterprises look a lot like one another. We can convince ourselves we are letting go in a healthy way when we are truly surrendering inappropriately. Or we can swear we are just trying to hold on to what is ours when we are really trying to take over and be responsible for what only others can steward.

The wisdom to discern the difference is essential for vibrant living and healthy relationships. When we let go of what is not ours to hold, we enter an arena of freedom otherwise closed off to us by the tyranny of our false perspective. When we take responsibility for ourselves (and ourselves alone), we establish clear boundaries that allow us to live less fractured lives and to engage in healthier relationships.

The Three Things that Belong to You

There are exactly three things you can control: 1) your choices concerning behavior; 2) your attitude/perspective; and 3) whom you trust. That is the end of the list. The only three things you are responsible for in this giant world filled with billions of other humans.

Life is full of all kinds of things that do not make this list. You cannot, for example, control your circumstances. There are events and seasons and things that happen that you cannot, nor are you meant to, control. Likewise, you cannot control the choices of others. You can try to influence them, positively or negatively, effectively or ineffectively. But they are responsible for their three things. And you are responsible for yours.

When our society talks about “letting go” in the context of stress management, we are talking about this. Don’t try to control what does not belong to you. It only ends in frustration.

On the other side of the coin, when we talk about “losing oneself” in society, we are talking about things like codependency, victim mentality, and addiction that are attempts to avoid our part to play in our own lives and the relationships to which we belong.

Discerning the difference between these two is essential. It allows us to live a life free of carrying what is not ours to bear. While, at the same time, allowing us to participate in the life of purpose and meaning we all so desperately long for.

Three Things You Control

Previous Post

March 26, 2020

The Two Universal Values

Next Post

April 2, 2020 The Secret to Vibrant Living

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Choices Conflict Resolution Culture Change Emotions Failure Faith Fear Freedom V Growth Healthy Communication Hope Identity Influence Leadership Learn Mistakes Mood Curve Ownership Perspective Power Relationships Self-Awareness Self-Governance Systems Thinking Three Things You Control Transformational Leadership Trust Truth Uncategorized Values Vision

Select a Month January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

In what city was Jesus born?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Rome Bethlehem Jerusalem Nazareth

Books by This Author Books by Victorious Living

See All Titles »