Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Victorious Living

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
My Turn to Talk

My Turn to Talk

Last updated on: September 7, 2019 at 11:04 pm by Victorious Living

My Turn to Talk 2019-09-07T23:04:15-04:00 Victorious Living

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

One of the biggest problems in our world is a breakdown in communication. Everyone is dying to be heard but nobody is willing to listen.

I’ve noticed that when I am in a conversation and someone else is talking, I stop listening as soon as I figure out what I want to say next. I tap my foot, sometimes turn slightly and roll my eyes, maybe gasp a little in annoyance as I wait for them to finish. Then, like a bullet from a gun, I’m off. It is MY TURN TO TALK!

We have adopted this narrative in today’s society that makes us the victim. Nobody is listening to MY ideas. Nobody is taking ME seriously. Nobody is listening to ME!

Humility

Listening (truly listening) to what others have to say requires a huge dose of humility. We have to be genuinely interested in their contribution, as much as our own. In conversation, it seems like everyone is a pawn in my game, a set-up man for my at-bat. Everything centers around expressing and validating my ideas.

What my pattern of conversing overlooks is the fact that other people are just as valuable as me and have something important to say.

This seems lost on us. We converse to bounce our ideas off of people, not to learn from theirs. We converse to justify, validate, and approve our own self in the eyes of our peers, not to truly be in community with them.

Truth

Ours is a truly frightening approach to communication. And the effects are rampant in our world. Increased anger, acts of violence, a perspective of violation when disagreed with.

We are not searching for the truth, valuing one another, and valuing our place in the context of community. We are shouting like madmen. Throwing tantrums like a toddler. And lost in the mix is some significant beauty in this world. Some accuracy, a touch of naming reality. And of course a sense of connectivity and unity.

Sometimes when my wife is telling a long story, I can literally feel the immature angst rise up in me. I have things I want to say! This is taking forever! It is terrible. And it costs me. It costs us. It robs us of the opportunity to share truth together. It disqualifies me (in the moment) from loving her the way I want to, from being the husband to her I want to be.

A Line of Honor

We define culture as a subset of humanity that agrees on what is honorable and what is shameful. Different cultures honor different things.

For example, we honor waiting in an organized line in America. If you walk into a restaurant or the DMV and cut in line, you are going to get some slack.

When it comes to communication, I am not suggesting we be mutes. In fact, our current perspective is born out of this fear that nobody is listening to the valuable things I have to say. And you do have valuable things to say. I do as well. So do they. What if we honored our turn in line, not trying to cut or ignore the line or passive aggressively try to get people to leave it? Have you ever been in a group conversation where people are constantly cutting each other off, interrupting each other without even noticing the ones who are now talking sliced the point another was making off at legs to have their turn? A culture shift is needed. One akin to the way we treat the line at Chipotle. Each has their turn.

Communication is about valuing all parties. We need to be fighting to hear as much as we fight to be heard. No more and no less.

Healthy Communication

Previous Post

May 29, 2019

The Counter-Intuitive Path to Freedom

Next Post

June 3, 2019 How to Make a Choice

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Choices Conflict Resolution Culture Change Emotions Failure Faith Fear Freedom V Growth Healthy Communication Hope Identity Influence Leadership Learn Mistakes Mood Curve Ownership Perspective Power Relationships Self-Awareness Self-Governance Systems Thinking Three Things You Control Transformational Leadership Trust Truth Uncategorized Values Vision

Select a Month January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

John Judas James Peter

Books by This Author Books by Victorious Living

See All Titles »