Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Victorious Living

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
How To Reclaim Control Of Your Life

How To Reclaim Control Of Your Life

Last updated on: September 8, 2019 at 11:24 pm by Victorious Living

How To Reclaim Control Of Your Life 2019-09-08T23:24:02-04:00 Victorious Living

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Every day we wake up and log in to a game. The game is called control. We spend our entire day trying to gain control. We want to control the way people think about us and the way things turn out, our work and relationships, our emotions and our outcomes.

The scramble for control is a system one behavior. It has been programmed within us. We don’t even realize we are doing it. And when we do, we’re not sure what could be done to log out of the system and try something different.

And so, day after day, we try to beat one level and then the next. We fail and have to return to levels we thought we had beaten. It’s a never-ending game that zaps our energy and our potential.

Why We Want Control

The reason we want control is simple. We want to avoid pain. We want to sidestep suffering and find the peace and happiness that every human longs for.

We’ve bought into a specific narrative. And that narrative tells us that if we can dominate our circumstances and our relationships, we can predict the outcomes. We won’t be disappointed or hurt.

Unfortunately, life does not work that way. Perseverance is an inevitable part of human development. Our attempts to short-cut suffering are both destined to fail and spoil our development.

How To Win

The secret is this: the game is not all wrong. It can’t just be dismissed. It is a game we are meant to play. When we are made aware of the shortcomings of the scramble for control, we often swing too far in the other direction – throwing our hands up and refusing to play altogether.

The game of control does not need to be avoided, it needs to be won. But we don’t win it by conquering the world. We win it by discovering truth.

The truth is that there are things we can control, but our control has limits. We are not meant to be dictators, but we are meant to take responsibility. There are only three things we can control: 1) whom we trust; 2) our attitude/perspective; and 3) our choices.

To win the game of control, we steward these responsibilities with grace and truth. We take ownership of these three things and do the most good with the opportunities presented therein.

When To Log Out

It is so tempting to spill our efforts at control into other arenas. But there are only three things and, try as we might, our attempts to invade will fall short. We cannot control other people’s reactions or feelings (In a sense, we can’t even control our own emotions– just use them properly). We can’t control what others do or say or think, and we can’t control systems like governments or churches. However, we can influence all of these things.

Influence is a natural consequence of stewarding our responsibility well.

To life a fulfilling life, we must avoid the temptation to overstep our bounds. We must transform our generalized scramble for control to a intentional and localized effort. Only then can we unlock the doors to peace, joy, and purpose – the paths we so desperately long for.

Three Things You Control

Previous Post

November 21, 2018

The Transformational Power of Gratitude

Next Post

November 26, 2018 Does Your Life Vision Measure Up?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Choices Conflict Resolution Culture Change Emotions Failure Faith Fear Freedom V Growth Healthy Communication Hope Identity Influence Leadership Learn Mistakes Mood Curve Ownership Perspective Power Relationships Self-Awareness Self-Governance Systems Thinking Three Things You Control Transformational Leadership Trust Truth Uncategorized Values Vision

Select a Month January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was Jesus' first miracle?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Turning water into wine Feeding the 5,000 Walking on water Healing a blind man

Books by This Author Books by Victorious Living

See All Titles »