Why should atheists get married?

Last updated on: August 9, 2010 at 12:10 pm by Leah Libresco

Why should atheists get married? 2010-08-09T12:10:00-04:00 Leah Libresco

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Thanks to everyone who’s been commenting on my series on Math and Morality. I’ll be returning to some of the outstanding questions soon (especially those posed by Dylan and Hendy), but I’m finishing work and moving out of DC this week, so I’m focusing this week more on politics than philosophy.

Don’t forget, if you’d like to respond to a Monday Call to Arms in longer form as a guest blogger, please email me at leah (dot) libresco (at) yale (dot) edu.

A lot of the arguments in the gay marriage debate are baffling to me (and I’m not just talking about the connection between gays and inclement weather discovered by NOM).

Many Christians argue that gay marriage is an oxymoron since no marriage between two people of the same sex can be fully a sacrament, resulting in the couple being united in each other and in Christ. I’m certainly not going to argue the point with them. As an atheist, I cannot have a sacramental marriage, regardless of whether I marry a man or a woman, but I don’t see Christians lining up to turn atheists like me away at the county clerk’s office.

What is more, conservative Christians cannot stop gay parishioners from receiving ‘Christian’ marriages no matter how the court battles turn out. Plenty of denominations already perform gay weddings, regardless of whether they are recognized by the state as such. These marriages may hurt the position of more conservative sects, but they have no more right to ask the state to intervene than they would if they asked the government to prevent liberal Christian groups from ordaining female bishops.

The solution seems obvious; the state should administer civil unions and churches should preside over marriages, neither of which would be a precondition for the other. This isn’t a new argument, but it never seems to cross over from the blogosphere to actual policy proposal.

I understand why gay rights activists are reluctant to sign on. There’s no denying that gay people are hurt when shunted off to a hodgepodge marriage substitute that lacks social recognition as well as 1138 benefits and privileges for families. Secular and atheist groups are the logical leaders on this issue (except, perhaps, from a PR perspective).

As an atheist, I don’t see marriage as a fundamental phase change in a relationship. Atheist weddings more closely resemble college graduations. The date chosen is somewhat arbitrary and commemorates a change that really occurred when you turned in your last paper or moved off of campus. All the showy ceremony is arranged to give you one moment of leave-taking that is synchronized with your friends (and, of course, to give parents permission to get all verklempt in public).

Secular weddings serve much the same function. The only extra feature is that the public/community component of wedding vows serves as a spur to stay together rather than lose face by going back on your public oath (admittedly, a very weak motivation these days).

So what exactly are Christians defending and gays claiming for their own?

Christians:

Are secular marriages any more valid than gay ones?

How do you address the social ramifications of other denominations performing gay weddings, regardless of whether those marriages are legally recognized?

Atheists:

What does marriage signify for you?

Do you have any reason to prefer that you and your partner have a marriage rather than a civil union (assuming civil unions carried all the federal benefits of marriage)?

What do you think an atheist wedding should entail?

Uncategorized

Previous Post

August 6, 2010

One last look at sight

Next Post

August 9, 2010 Gay Marriage Index

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 7 Quick Takes Apologetics Atheism Book Conversion Debate Tactics Debates Epistemology/Philosophy Housekeeping Ideological Turing Test Marriage Morality in Practice Parsing Catholicism Possibly Heretical Radio Reviews/Recommendations Sequence Index Spiritual Practice Uncategorized

Select a Month April 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which book comes immediately before Psalms in the Bible?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Song of Songs Proverbs Ecclesiastes Job