Do we care too little about marriage?

Last updated on: August 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm by Leah Libresco

Do we care too little about marriage? 2012-08-24T17:00:50-04:00 Leah Libresco

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

This post is part of a series about gay marriage. You can browse all posts in this series at its index

I’m not a quite a language prescriptivist, but I share with my conservative friends a certain propensity to get short-tempered with radical redefinitions (a word to the wise: once you hear the phrase “Words have meaning!” escape my lips, you have about 30 seconds to detonation).

So perhaps the couples in the articles below should consider themselves on notice.

‘Sugarbabe’ favors negotiated infidelity (CNN)

Hill says she believes negotiating their infidelity has been instrumental in keeping their relationship strong and committed, not to mention electric.

“[Dean] can have sex with the Australian women’s basketball team for all I care, but he can’t spoon any of them,” says Hill. “For me, spooning is cheating.”

The secret of a happy marriage? Live next door to your husband (Daily Mail)

To be honest, I think we’ve hit on an arrangement that most women secretly wish for, sick of the squabbling over the washing-up or their husband’s shavings in the sink. Having separate houses puts paid to all that, but it also means that when we’re together it’s because we like each other’s company, not out of habit or because we’re forced to exist under the same roof. We appreciate and respect each other a lot more.

Our once-traditional marriage has evolved into a very modern relationship where we are effectively married singletons, but remain wholly committed to each other. Although I love my husband and he makes a great next-door neighbour, there’s no way I want to live with him.

Why Divorce? Just Stay Separated (NYT)

“Many people I’ve worked with over time enjoy the benefits of being married: the financial perks, the tax breaks, the health care coverage,” said Toni Coleman, a couples therapist in McLean, Va. “They maintain a friendship, they co-parent their kids, they may do things socially together. Sometimes they’re part of a political couple in Washington or have prominent corporate positions. But they just feel they can’t live together.”

The only reason I’m disposed to have sympathy for these folks is because, as the last quote suggests, marriage has been muddled up into a question of contract law. I don’t see any reason why the state should get to have any say in who has a right to visit me in the hospital. I’d much prefer a system in which I simply keep a file on record (or implanted in my arm) that specifies my preferences. Most of the benefits of marriage can and ought to be reduced to contracts, only some of which have any relevance to a compelling state interest.

My desire to define the above groups out of marriage isn’t because I am certain that they are harmful (I think it’s possible, if difficult, to have positive long-term polyamorous relationships) but because I think to include them under the heading of marriage stretches the word beyond a sensible definition. I’d argue we’ve already lost the concept of ‘dating’ entirely as the definition has broadened to include most of the activities of the hookup culture.

There’s little the law can do (and even less that I’d want it to do) about this classification problem, so I’m left with mustering what shaming ability I have and decrying the trend on the internet and in casual conversation. Does anyone have better ideas about how to fight semantic drift? Do you see this trend as problematic in the first place?

Tune in tomorrow for the concluding post in this series, to be titled: Do we care too much about marriage?

Marriage

gay marriage

Previous Post

August 11, 2010

Natural Moral Theory is Bunk

Next Post

August 13, 2010 7 Quick Takes (8/13/10)

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 7 Quick Takes Apologetics Atheism Book Conversion Debate Tactics Debates Epistemology/Philosophy Housekeeping Ideological Turing Test Marriage Morality in Practice Parsing Catholicism Possibly Heretical Radio Reviews/Recommendations Sequence Index Spiritual Practice Uncategorized

Select a Month April 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What idols' worship did the Israelites imitate in the wilderness?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Egyptian gods Philistine gods Canaanite gods Babylonian gods