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Embracing Emotions’ Full Range: From Grief to Comfort & Joy

Embracing Emotions’ Full Range: From Grief to Comfort & Joy

Last updated on: March 31, 2025 at 10:11 am by Paul Louis Metzger

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Embracing Emotions’ Full Range: From Grief to Comfort & Joy 2025-03-31T10:11:37-07:00 Paul Louis Metzger

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“A photo grid showing images of 20 individual emotions,” 1 October 2021, by Jtneill; Creative Commons.

This post focuses on the importance of embracing the full range of emotions, from misery and grief to comfort and joy.

St. Augustine on Mental Pain

St. Augustine writes about mental pain associated with the great evils of life such as wars, including those deemed just. He argues, “Let every one, then, who thinks with pain on all these great evils, so horrible, so ruthless, acknowledge that this is misery. And if any one either endures or thinks of them without mental pain, this is a more miserable plight still, for he thinks himself happy because he has lost human feeling.” (St. Augustine, The City of God, with an introduction by Thomas Merton, The Modern Library, 1993, pages 683-684).

I would be a liar if I did not tell you that I have experienced untold misery the past four years given what my son and the entire family have endured following his traumatic brain injury. There is incredible grief. But I would rather experience grief than try and move past it when it is part of my daily reality. As Augustine rightly indicates, as great as the misery one experiences in thinking about great evils is, it is an even greater evil to reflect on them without mental pain, to consider oneself happy for having lost human feeling.

Grief as Love within the Condition of Loss

Similarly, in the newly published second edition of my book Evangelical Zen with the late Zen Buddhist Abbot, Kyogen Carlson, Kyogen writes of my experience of grief many years ago: “Grief is love within the condition of loss. I find many people are in a hurry to move past it these days, thinking it is ‘just’ a wound, an injury. I encourage people to value it and pay closer attention to it. Paul appreciates his sense of loss. He has something many people never gain.” (Metzger and Carlson, Evangelical Zen: A Christian’s Spiritual Travels with a Buddhist Friend, 2nd edition, Wipf and Stock Publishers/Cascade Books, 2024, page 146).

Zen Buddhist Priest, Kyogen Carlson (1948-2014)

The acclaimed Buddhist author, Sallie Jiko Tisdale, wrote the afterword. She reflected with me during the summer of 2021 at McMenamins’ Kennedy School on Christopher’s traumatic brain injury and Kyogen’s memorable friendship and influence. During our get together, she and I reflected upon Christopher’s TBI and how I wished Kyogen were still here to help me navigate this new reality. Our conversation that day influenced my closing thoughts in this new edition of Evangelical Zen. In fact, there is a vital sense in which Kyogen is still here through his influence and wisdom conveyed to many, like Jiko, his former student, and me. Jiko edited a collection of his sermons with the title You Are Still Here.

Kyogen would account for my present grief fully rather than dismiss it as morbid fixation. He was/is a discerning soul who accounts for the full range of emotions and human experience. Let me say that Kyogen also knew how to laugh and experience the comforts and joys of everyday life. I miss our get-togethers at places like McMenamins.

Pink Floyd’s song, “Comfortably Numb”

My own sense of humor helps me recalibrate, as does really good music. Take, for example, the song “Comfortably Numb” from The Wall by Pink Floyd. I have included two very alive versions here—one by the original members of the legendary rock group and another by lead guitarist David Gilmour who performed it with his band. I referenced the song a few weeks ago in a conversation with Christopher’s anesthesiologist who was observing Christopher following his in-depth dental procedure (Christopher had to be sedated so he would not bite down on dental instruments). The anesthesiologist chuckled and agreed with me when I said this Pink Floyd song is a perfect anthem for anesthesiologists.

The song recounts the conversation between “Pink”, the main character in the rock opera, and a doctor who abruptly enters the room to administer a drug to get him up on stage to perform. The drug conflicts with Pink’s own drug-induced state that has relieved him of the excruciating pain of his life’s tragic isolation. Pink is not in pain, contrary to what the doctor presumed. He was experiencing release at that moment.

Why would I draw attention to this song’s emphasis on release from pain through drugs given my positive mention of Augustine and Kyogen above? It is because the song itself conveys incredible passion, as you can find by listening to guitarist and vocalist Gilmour’s selection of verses and two guitar solos. That song has been playing in my head since Christopher’s dental appointment and my conversation with the anesthesiologist. It provides comfort as I process the various emotions I am experiencing on a daily basis.

“Tidings of Comfort and Joy”

Similarly, so, too, does the Christmas hymn “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” with its refrain of “tidings of comfort and joy” amid the harsh realities of the war with Satan, the shepherds’ exposure to severe weather condition, and the lowly and lonely state of Mary giving birth to Jesus. I have included a beautiful performance by King’s College Cambridge here.

The dental procedure was a major success. My wife Mariko had diligently, painstakingly searched the past few years to find a dental office that would take Christopher. This dentist, anesthesiologist, and staff were first class. The report on the condition of Christopher’s teeth and gums was remarkably encouraging given the length of time without a deep cleaning. We were exhausted following the all-day venture, though rested in our spirits full of “comfort and joy.”

Christopher and his daughter Jaylah making funny faces on a happy day sometime before his TBI.

On a recent Sunday afternoon, we took Christopher’s daughter Jaylah to see The Nutcracker at The Keller Auditorium in downtown Portland. It, too, was a smashing success. When we asked Jaylah what her favorite part was, she said “Everything.” I have included a compilation of Nutcracker classics here to give you a taste of the best of “everything.”

Christopher receives neuro-music therapies twice a week. His music therapist is so gentle, thoughtful, kind, and attentive. He is making use of some of Christopher’s favorites, including from Frank Sinatra, IZ, The Beatles, The Eagles, Led Zeppelin, and some spirituals, too. Christopher often appears to react and respond to songs he knows best.

A Wide Range of Emotions, Music, and Faithful Friends & Caregivers

Where would we be without the wide range of emotions, wide range of music, and wide range of faithful friends and care givers? I’d hate to think. But I would rather be alive with my wide range of emotions involving misery and grief, comfort and joy, than without them, as long as good music and people accompany them. And so I close with what Christopher’s music therapist often says by way of refrain, “Enjoy the music, Christopher.” Enjoy. Thank you for accompanying us on this journey.

***************

PS: To read the various posts that chronicle our journey with Christopher and TBI, click here. Thank you for your prayers!

PS2: There is a 40% discount on Evangelical Zen until the end of 2024 available here at the publisher’s page for the volume. Simply use the discount code found on this flyer.

About Paul Louis Metzger

Paul Louis Metzger, Ph.D., is Professor of Theology & Culture, Multnomah Biblical Seminary, Jessup University; Director of The Institute for Cultural Engagement: New Wine, New Wineskins; and Author and Editor of numerous works, including Evangelical Zen: A Christian's Spiritual Travels with a Buddhist Friend, 2nd edition (2024) and The Word of Christ and the World of Culture: Sacred and Secular through the Theology of Karl Barth (Eerdmans, 2003). You can read more about the author here.

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