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Family, Parenting and Religion
Wedding Vows: for Better, for Worse, in Sickness and in Health

Wedding Vows: for Better, for Worse, in Sickness and in Health

Last updated on: August 13, 2023 at 9:16 am by Paul Louis Metzger

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Wedding Vows: for Better, for Worse, in Sickness and in Health 2023-08-13T09:16:28-07:00 Paul Louis Metzger

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“Wedding Vow,” 19 January 2021, RF Vila; Creative Commons

My wife Mariko and I celebrated 33 years of marriage Friday. I told our adult son Christopher at his adult care facility in the afternoon that Mom and I were celebrating our 33rd anniversary. Christopher suddenly made a few interesting gestures, which I assumed were in response to what I shared. After visiting with Christopher for some time, I headed home to pick up my wife and head out to dinner.

Over dinner, my wife and I reflected on all that has transpired the past few years and recounted our wedding vows. You likely know the lines, which go something like the following, albeit with some variation: “I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith.”

I remember exchanging wedding vows and our rings that day in Barrington, Illinois, back in 1990. I also remember my late dad’s quip following the service. As soon as we tied the knot, my beloved father said, “Now he’s her problem!” Indeed, I am!

As with most couples, we’ve had our fair share of problems. What a divine mercy to bear them with one another! We are not alone. I cannot imagine what it would be like to tend to Christopher’s care following his traumatic brain injury in 2021 if we weren’t constantly encouraging and supporting one another and taking turns visiting him throughout the year. Just as we have signed up to one another for life, we have signed up for son, including our entire family, come what may.

We had no way of knowing what our marriage would have entailed thirty-plus years later that wedding day. That’s a mercy when you think back. It’s hard enough making a commitment to someone for life. To know what might be awaiting you could be enough to put the brakes on many engagements and wedding vows! How could anyone really comprehend the words, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health” in advance? Nor can anyone really comprehend the divine mercies that will visit them in their time of need.

One particular mercy in our time of need is a sense of humor, or at least my attempted sense at humor. Surprisingly, my wife finds me to be rather funny, and says “Your humor saves me!” Okay, maybe we’re both delusional. Here’s what I wrote on Facebook on our anniversary with an accompanying photo:

We visited Nikko in Japan in 2016 and viewed this display of the famous “three wise monkeys” or “three mystic apes” as they are sometimes called. They serve as an inspiration, and perhaps a symbol to the subconscious secret of our staying together so long. How so?

In keeping with the sequence of the picture from left to right, increasingly Mariko and I can’t hear each other, talk to each other, or see each other. Soon we won’t be able to remember who the other person is. As they say, ignorance is marital bliss! Here’s to another 33 years of heaven on earth! I’m still ‘ape over’ my wife! Honey, thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin, especially now when I am more thick than thin around the waistline.

The Three Wise Monkeys, Nikkō Tōshō-gū; April 2018, Ray of Manila; Creative Commons

In all seriousness, “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” resonates with Christian Scripture in certain ways and reminds me of the following verses: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8) and “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).

We’ve seen and heard a lot of evil the past few years. I’ve also spoken my fair share of choice words in private when trying to navigate my painful emotions. I could learn a great deal from that mystic ape with the hand over its mouth! But we have also experienced a great deal of love and goodness. It is best to think about and celebrate that which is admirable, while accounting honestly and truthfully for everything that befalls.

Mariko and I have seen a lot of better and worse, sickness and health over the years. We are hoping to get “better” together amid the “worse,” and healthier in our marital and emotional bonds amid the “sickness” and frailties of life. With this in mind, we can’t wait (or at least I can’t wait) for another 33 years to grow together through thick and thin!

Thanks to all of you who have accompanied us on this journey. Thank you for bringing better, not worse, health, not sickness, to us amid this unfathomable journey with our son. We are not alone! For those interested in reading the various posts, please refer here. Thank you for your prayers. God bless you.

Family, Parenting and Religion

About Paul Louis Metzger

Paul Louis Metzger, Ph.D., is Professor of Theology & Culture, Multnomah University & Seminary, and Director of The Institute for Cultural Engagement: New Wine, New Wineskins. He is the author and editor of numerous works. His latest book is titled, More Than Things: A Personalist Ethics for a Throwaway Culture (IVP Academic, August 8, 2023). One of the chapters is dedicated to the subject of marriage. You can read more about the author here.

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