Hit the Pause Button: On Feeding Conflicts

Last updated on: April 3, 2022 at 9:24 am by Paul Louis Metzger

Hit the Pause Button: On Feeding Conflicts 2022-04-03T09:24:21-07:00 Paul Louis Metzger

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Bag Nd pump, 2 March 2018 (according to Exif data), Ashashyou; Creative Commons.

It is important to hit the pause button at key times when addressing conflicts. In stressful situations involving tensions with others, we need to pause, collect ourselves, and readjust in the attempt to address the conflict appropriately. Esteemed psychiatrist and concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Hitting the pause button is fostering the space to choose a fitting response in the attempt to resolve the conflict.

“Hit the pause button” is a relevant expression in my experience since my son Christopher endured a traumatic brain injury in January 2021. Allow me to develop the metaphor before returning to its relevance for addressing conflict situations.

As you may know, Christopher is bedridden and in a minimally conscious state. He depends on a feeding tube for nutrients. Whenever CNAs change Christopher, they are required to ask the nurse to hit the pause button on the feeding machine before lowering him to a horizontal position. The care facility requires that his bed is at a thirty-degree angle or more when the feeding machine is running. Though simple, this procedure is critical to Christopher’s safety and wellbeing. Otherwise, he could get aspiration pneumonia.

What is aspiration pneumonia? According to Mt. Sinai, “Aspiration pneumonia occurs when food, saliva, liquids, or vomit is breathed into the lungs or airways leading to the lungs, instead of being swallowed into the esophagus and stomach.” When someone with a significant brain injury is in a horizontal position, and the feeding machine is running, they are at greater risk of aspiration pneumonia. For example, they may have a “poor gag reflex” that does not keep the substance for going back up the esophagus and down the airways into the lungs.

There are markings on Christopher’s headboard and bed frame to show the correct angle, as well as signs that highlight the importance of pausing the feeding machine when changing or repositioning Christopher. Again, it is such a simple matter, but still so vitally and critically important.

As with feeding machines, it is important to hit the pause button on feeding conflicts. Without the right angle to attain proper balance or leverage as in equilibrium, the stimulus from the conflict may overwhelm our emotional state and make it impossible for us to breath. We need to hit the pause button, not the person. It is vitally and critically important that we pause engagement until we can get a better angle at which to address the conflict in question.

Hitting the pause button until we can gain a better angle entails the following:

Hold off saying, writing, or doing anything head-on until we can gain composure.
Center ourselves in prayer, Scripture, and with deep breaths. My morning devotions with that first cup of coffee has been a life saver the past year. Take for example the epistle of James. Like the rest of Scripture, James was written for everyone, including those with two ears and one mouth: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19; NIV) Just think how many of us would endure far less grief if we took James’ prescribed medicine to heart!
Seek advice from someone astute at approaching conflicts, including the situation in question.
Involve others, when appropriate, who can assist with navigating or mediating the situation toward resolution.

Further to these points, if I am smart in addressing a particular conflict, I engage in self-awareness and self-management exercises. I ask myself the following questions:

How emotionally on edge am I?
What do I easily default to as to a conflict strategy when I am under stress?
Will that default strategy serve the situation well?
What conflict strategy should I use in a given situation?
Who am I dealing with and how do they approach most conflicts?
Who can serve as an ally or trusted mediator of both parties to help us resolve the situation?
What is at stake in the situation?
What is the most important problem to resolve?
What can be put on the back burner for the present time to address the most important matter at hand?
What am I willing to risk to attain the needed resolution?

By no means is this an exhaustive list. But in every conflict situation, including my son’s care, I try to make points as well as allies, not enemies, as much as possible.

It takes time to discern these various dynamics. While not every situation allows significant time for reflection, I need to account for these items as much as possible and measure my response in view of them. I need to hit the pause button to find that space between stimulus and response to discern the right angle to gain equilibrium to address the conflict as responsibly as I can.

I have a long way to go in learning how to address conflicts well. This Friday and Saturday, I will have opportunity to learn more as I participate in a New Wine, New Wineskins conference on peacemaking. You can join us in person or over Zoom. It’s titled “Blessed Are the Peacemakers,” taken from Jesus’ beatitude recorded in Matthew 5:9. For more information about the conference, please go here. Thank you.

To read the various updates on our journey with Christopher and TBI over the past fourteen months, please go to this link. Thank you for your prayers.

Uncategorized

About Paul Louis Metzger

Paul Louis Metzger, Ph.D., is Professor of Theology & Culture, Multnomah University & Seminary; Director of The Institute for Cultural Engagement: New Wine, New Wineskins; and Author and Editor of numerous works, including The Gospel of John: When Love Comes to Town and Beatitudes, Not Platitudes: Jesus' Invitation to the Good Life. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

April 2, 2022

EEG’s, Abnormalities, and ‘Uneventful’ Days and Nights

Next Post

April 10, 2022 Longing with Lament and TBI: Holy Week and Beyond

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month June 2025 April 2025 March 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz