Are You an Emogelical?

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 5:01 pm by Tony Jones

Are You an Emogelical? 2015-03-13T17:01:50-05:00 Tony Jones

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Here’s some Friday fun. I think it’s time to coin a new term: Emogelical. It’s a mash-up of Emo and Evangelical.

Among the Urban Dictionary definitions of Emo is,

A group of white, mostly middle-class well-off kids who find imperfections in there [sic] life and create a ridiculous, depressing melodrama around each one. They often take anti-depressants, even though the majority don’t need them. They need to wake up and deal with life like everyone else instead of wallowing in their imaginary quagmire of torment.

And among the Urban Dictionary definitions of Evangelical is this bitter rant,

A sect of christianity that is full of mindless, brainwashed followers who spend their entire life in misery when they aren’t spreading the gospel. The whole sect is full of middle class/rich white folks who want to go to church to be entertained by crying, hysterical preachers and find new prejudices to be in support of. They believe that their religion is the only way of life and refuse to accept any other ways. There is no ‘conversation’ with evangelicals…they only convert. BEWARE.

***

Emogelical

White evangelical Christian males, under the age of 40, who wear skinny jeans, attend Q Conferences, and think there’s a 72% chance that Jennifer Knapp is going to hell for being a lesbian. They care a lot about poor people, from a distance. They get Seth Godin’s daily email and they think that Tim Keller is right about the atonement, even though they don’t quite understand him. Hair is very important. They are known to create drama in the College and Young Career groups at mega-churches for breaking up with their girlfriends because “the Lord just wants me to be single for a while, so that I can really give him all the glory,” and they say that they’ve “kissed dating goodbye.” When they start dating someone else in the College and Young Career group the next week, they say, “the Lord just really laid it on my heart that I need to start courting again.” Emogelicals often take online seminary classes and work as baristas.

***

Whaddya think, Zach?

If you think you’ve got a better definition of Emogelical, or an example, please post it in the comments.

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