Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Terry Mattingly

Home
Religion News
Grilling the youth pastor

Grilling the youth pastor

Last updated on: January 30, 2013 at 4:40 pm by tmatt

Grilling the youth pastor 2013-01-30T16:40:42-05:00 tmatt

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

It’s the question that preachers, teachers and parents dread, especially if they were shaped by the cultural earthquakes of the 1960s.

But no one fears it more than youth ministers, who hear the private questions that young people fear to ask their elders. Youth pastors work in the no man’s land between the home and the church.

This is the question: “Well, didn’t you do any of this stuff when you were a kid?” The young person may be asking about sex, drinking, drugs, cheating or, perhaps, lying to parents about any of the above.

If youth ministers stop and think about it, they will realize that they usually say something like the following while trying to answer these questions, said the Rev. David “Duffy” Robbins, a United Methodist who teaches youth ministry at Eastern University near Philadelphia.

“If I answer that it’s none of your business and the answer is between me and God, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll hear that as a ‘yes,’ ” said Robbins, writing in Good News magazine. “If I answer ‘yes’ to your question, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll take that as permission to make the same mistakes that I’ve made. If, on the other hand, I say ‘no,’ there’s a good possibility that you might reason that then I couldn’t possibly understand what you’re facing or what you’re going through right now.

“So, what that question amounts to is a lose-lose proposition for both of us, and I’m not willing to put us in that position, so I’m not going to answer that question.”

There was a time when youth pastors — not to mention senior ministers — would have felt more confident answering.

There was a time when adults thought it was their duty to tell young people that some things were right and some things were wrong — period. The assumption was that adults had a sacred duty to serve as moral examples and that was that. Candor was rarely part of the equation.

Then the pendulum swung in the other direction, said Robbins, and many religion leaders joined what is often called the “authenticity movement.” The goal was to open up and level with young people in an attempt to impress them with displays of openness and vulnerability. By sharing the details of his or her own sins and temptations, the youth pastor hoped to gain credibility — inspiring young people not to make the same errors.

But there’s a problem with letting it all hang out, said Robbins.

“It so easy to get carried away and, before you know it, your whole body language and the relish with which people tell these stories can send the wrong signal. You may end up leaving a kid thinking, ‘Well, I wonder if I could do something really bad like that. That sounds kind of cool.’ ”

The problem, he said, is that it’s hard not to cross the line between honest, transparent disclosure and imprudent, naked exhibitionism. Nevertheless, it’s true that young people need to hear that it’s normal to struggle with sin and temptation and that there are adults who want to help them, because they have faced many of the same issues — in the past and in the present.

“It is completely appropriate, for example, for the students in my youth group to know that I struggle with lust,” noted Robbins. “On the other hand, if I continue by saying, ‘In fact, Sally, your mom is a fox!’ — that crosses a line.”

This kind of self-exposure has to have a purpose, said Robbins. It’s a good thing for adults to acknowledge that they struggle with sin, but it can be destructive if that’s the end of the story. Young people need to know that God “loves us the way that we are, but he doesn’t intend to leave us as we are,” he said.

“It’s one thing for me to tell my youth group that I struggled with this or that sin and, with God’s help, have managed to put it behind me,” explained Robbins.

“It’s something else to just say that I struggled and struggled and struggled and that there just doesn’t seem to be a way to be forgiven by God and go on to lead a better life. … That isn’t much of a Gospel, now is it?”

Previous Post

July 18, 2007

Pastor Will B. Dunn -- RIP

Next Post

August 1, 2007 Final Harry Potter wars? Part I

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Academia Anglicanism Announcements books Catholics doctrine evangelicals family life First person Godbeat Islam Judaism Mainline churches Marriage mass media movies Orthodox Politics popular culture religion sex Social issues Uncategorized Web/tech World World religions worship young people

Select a Month July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 October 2001 September 2001 August 2001 July 2001 June 2001 May 2001 April 2001 March 2001 February 2001 January 2001 December 2000 November 2000 October 2000 September 2000 August 2000 July 2000 June 2000 May 2000 April 2000 March 2000 February 2000 January 2000 December 1999 November 1999 October 1999 September 1999 August 1999 July 1999 June 1999 May 1999 April 1999 March 1999 February 1999 January 1999 December 1998 November 1998 October 1998 September 1998 August 1998 July 1998 June 1998 May 1998 April 1998 March 1998 February 1998 January 1998 December 1997 November 1997 October 1997 September 1997 August 1997 July 1997 June 1997 May 1997 April 1997 March 1997 February 1997 January 1997 December 1996 November 1996 October 1996 September 1996 August 1996 July 1996 June 1996 May 1996 April 1996 March 1996 February 1996 January 1996 December 1995 November 1995 October 1995 September 1995

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does "Shema," the central Jewish prayer, mean?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Light Pray Peace Hear