Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Tinsel

Home
Religious Music & Entertainment
Lightning Struck My House as I Watched ‘Transformers,’ So Here’s My Half-Review

Lightning Struck My House as I Watched ‘Transformers,’ So Here’s My Half-Review

Last updated on: June 27, 2014 at 9:37 am by Rebecca Cusey

Lightning Struck My House as I Watched ‘Transformers,’ So Here’s My Half-Review 2014-06-27T09:37:08-06:00 Rebecca Cusey

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

About half-way through the press screening for Transformers: Age of Extinction, babelicious Nicola Peltz was running from an alien that wanted to do inappropriate things to her, Mark Wahlberg had just figured out a nifty new way to blast bad robots to smithereens, and misfit transformers were quipping madly as they shifted in and out of the shape of mindblowingly cool vehicles, when my cell buzzed.

Lighting has struck the house, my teen daughter said.

Smoke is billowing from the basement, she said.

911 ensued. A frantic drive home happened. About 176 firefighters streamed through my home (I say fireFIGHTERS because I glimpsed one lady FF in the mix. You go girl!).

Thank God, and I say that 100% sincerity, no one was hurt and the blast that scorched a basement wall did not catch into a serious fire. My beloved 70 foot tulip poplar gave its life to protect us and ours.

My poor, brave tree blasted to smithereens, like a minor character Transformer.

Much like a Transformer, but, you know, organic and non-transforming and stuff.

I may never know if Wahlberg’s character Cade Yeager and his daughter Tessa (Peltz) made it out of angry giant robot peril and back to their All-American farm home.

Who am I kidding?

Of course I know even without seeing the end.

So I shall fragrantly review this film without having seen the last hour or so.

Yeager is a single father trying to make a living for his teen daughter on the old farmstead in Texas. He tinkers and invents and repairs electronics. She studies, stresses about his future, and frets about his strict no-boys rules while wearing supermicromini shorts.

Needless to say, since this is a Michael Bay film, Tessa is hot. She continues to be hot as she rides various sentient vehicles, traipses around alien spaceships, and alternately flees and feebly fights. Presumably, she remains hot until the end of the movie.

Don’t mess with Texas, except in a sort of flirtatious way.

Tessa’s hotness is more innocent than Megan Fox’s was in earlier movies, even when it’s revealed she has a secret boyfriend who just happens to be an Australian rally-car racer. Shane (Jack Reynor) comes along for the adventure and, although there’s some slight references to making-out, there’s not the underlying thread of kind of gross sexuality that wove through earlier installments, at least not in the first half. The tone is different.

Rated PG-13, mostly for intense action and violence, including a poor bro who gets burned to a cripsy nugget, there’s only one incidence of an expletive in the first half. Judging by the first half, at least, this is a film I feel a lot more comfortable taking a kid to than previous versions.

And that’s a good thing because the machines are still awesome. Bumblebee is back, along with a motley crew of autobots that includes a Buggati Veyron. The autobots are being hunted by a power-hungry quasi-govermental operative (Kelsey Grammar) who sees all Transformers as bad, in alliance with some sort of matte black uber-Transformer from another place. They’re joined by an inventor (Stanley Tucci), who out-manaicals even Steve Jobs in his desire to control the technology.

But these plot elements come and go, falling by the wayside in lieu of robot battles and lots of explosions, with breaks for Wahlberg to exude his normal-American-guy-in-tough-circumstances-making-good charm.

And, of course, for Tessa to be hot, or in peril, or hot and in peril.

The themes in these movies are painted in broad strokes: The eternal nobility of Optimus Prime (voice of Peter Cullin), the decent goodness of Yeager.

One welcome theme making its way into blockbusters these days is the unease with government overreach. This film features an American government out of control, shadowy figures running the show in the name of fighting terrorism, crony businessmen taking away lives and rights for their bottom line, a mealy-mouthed and hilarious Presidential aide (Thomas Lennon) trying ineffectively to assert his authority.

“But I’m an American,” shouts one doomed bro as government thugs step on his neck and grind his face into the dirt.

The implication being, of course, that Yeager’s grit and decency is American and those slick agents, not so much. Let’s see more of that theme!

Overall, the movie is long, even at the half-way point, loud, and doesn’t make much sense. It’s well crafted in the sense of having good effects and fight scenes, but it’s not well-crafted in the sense of story or pacing or arc.

Sometimes, however, we all want to pass up the rich bouquet of a nice pinot noir for the froth of a Miller Light.

There’s no shame in that.

Now, go home and hug your trees and tell them you love them.

Transformers Age of Extinction

Previous Post

June 19, 2014

Think Like a Man Too: The Hangover's Vapid, Shallow, and Forgettable Cousin

Next Post

June 30, 2014 Giveaway: 'Deliver Us From Evil' Book, T-Shirt, Owl

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Becky's Picks Children's Movies DVD releases Entertainment News Faith on Film Featured Hunger Games In Theaters Interviews Life, Etc. Mixed Nuts Movie Reviews Poliflix Scroogewatch slider Television Uncategorized

Select a Month December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 April 2011 March 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does "Maranatha" mean?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Come, Lord Be joyful Praise Him It is finished