Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Through Broken Roses

Home
Catholic
In The Cool of The Evening

In The Cool of The Evening

Last updated on: March 2, 2018 at 3:16 pm by Leticia Adams

In The Cool of The Evening 2018-03-02T15:16:22-05:00 Leticia Adams

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The other evening my husband and I were driving to the grocery store as the sun began to go down. It is March in Central Texas which means that the evenings are cool and the sun goes down slowly painting the sky with beautiful colors. It also goes down at a decent time, not at 4 in the afternoon like in the fall. This is the time of year where you can see Texans coming out of their houses to work in their yards or in their garages. Families are walking down the sidewalks breathing in the fresh cool air full of pollen that will attempt to murder you if you do not take you allergy meds. It is the time of the year where I think about the words in Genesis describing God having fellowship with Adam and Eve “in the cool of the evening”.

This particular evening a few days ago I felt as if God did just that as I sat in my husband’s truck watching the annual Texan “let’s get out of the house” fest.

A song came on the radio right about the time that I was looking out the window looking at all the pretty reds in the sky. At first I wasn’t really paying attention to the song but then a memory popped in my mind of another time in my life when I was hearing the same words, only that time they were coming from a jukebox. I was sitting in a bar singing the words to this song with tears streaming down my face because the guy I was pining over* was out with his actual girlfriend, which was not me. I was in a bar with my best friend Homie, putting sad songs in the jukebox and taking every shot of tuaca handed to me as I sobbed.

This time, I was in a truck with my husband having survived the absolute worst year of my life. Life is totally different now. I am totally different now. I do not even recognize the woman in that memory. I wasn’t a woman actually. The truth is, I was an abandoned child. I was that abandoned child all of my life until I walked into the office of a therapist who helped me figure that out. All of my heartbreak, all of my bad choices, all of my tears were all a product of that fact. Slowly I was able to begin to heal and repair a little of what had been done to me in my life and that helped me to withstand the suicide of my oldest child and the nightmare of having to bury him in a grave. That funeral was the final step in stripping myself to my core. There was nothing left of my old life when I walked away from it.

In that last year I have faced my greatest fear, which was losing one of my children in the worst, most traumatic and soul crushing way possible. I have not always faced it with grace or courage but I have faced it. I have not faced it alone either. I have the most amazing support system that includes a therapist and four amazing priests. I have my husband who I love, get angry at, want to throw things at and who I could never imagine living without even when I am at my angriest and most fed up with him not ever knowing what direction he’s going. I have wonderful kids, even the one who died by suicide and my grand-kids are everything to me. I have great friends and an overall great and amazing life. I get to drive down the road listening to country songs that once had me feeling abandoned by my father, God and everyone else as I hold hands with the guy I have loved since I was twelve years old. He doesn’t know how to find a way out of a paper bag, but he found a way back into my life after seventeen years so that had to be God.

I listened to the words of this song and realized that I am finally at the point in my life where this verse is true:

Someday I’m gonna run across your mind
Don’t worry, I’ll be fine
I’m gonna be alright
While you’re sleeping with your pride
Wishin’ I could hold you tight
I’ll be over you
And on with my life

And how beautiful that life is. Grief, loss, heartache, God, Love, Faith, Hope and all. I am so grateful to be here where God comes in the cool of the evening to fellowship with me.

*Not the man I’m married to now.

Life After Suicide Loss

Love

The Past

Previous Post

February 26, 2018

March 8th is Quickly Approaching: Request and A Book Review

Next Post

March 16, 2018 Grace, Grief, Death and Joy

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category #PopeInUS 7 quick takes Abortion Bad Days Book Review Books Caitlyn Jenner Catholicsim Conversion Crosses Death Dignity of the Human Person Easter Ethics Evil Fall Family Fear Freedom Gay Marriage God Holy Week Homosexuality Jesus Laughter Lessons Love Marriage Mass Motherhood My Life New Evangelzation new year Parenting Peace Planned Parenthood Politics Pope Francis Pregnancy Race Rap Music Relationships Saints Sins Suffering Tempation The Catholic Church The Past Things about me Trust Truth Uncategorized Women's rights Writing

Select a Month December 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 May 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 October 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 August 2011 July 2011 May 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

I prayed that God would bless me and enlarge my territory, and He granted my request. Who am I?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Solomon Hezekiah Jabez David