Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Through Broken Roses

Home
Catholic
Friendships: the Casualty of Crisis

Friendships: the Casualty of Crisis

Last updated on: May 25, 2016 at 5:48 pm by Leticia Adams

Friendships: the Casualty of Crisis 2016-05-25T17:48:51-05:00 Leticia Adams

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Photo cred: Pixabay

Here are just a few of the issues that I have been dealing with in the last few years:

The death of my best friend
A boyfriend in Iraq and then Afghanistan
Wartime PTSD
Child Trauma related PTSD
The death of my boyfriend’s mother
A DWI
Converting to Catholicism
A wedding
The death of my husband’s father and grandmother
The death of my husband’s best friend
The fallout from grief and PTSD
Mental illnesses (those of others as well as mine)
People’s addictions
Codependency
House in foreclosure
The death of my uncle

I have written out most of those before in other blog posts, but I figured I would write a refresher list in case regular readers forgot and so new readers wouldn’t have to go dig for it to get my point. We have had a lot of shit happen to us. And that is a small list. I have kept a lot of the things that have happened private, because there is more.

Something that I didn’t really realize is that my friendships started to fall by the wayside because of the constant crisis mode going on around here. I have stayed at home most of the time, I have stopped fixing my hair, I stopped wearing real clothes except to Mass, I stopped going to Mass at one point (both out of anger at God and also because I didn’t have anything that fit anymore) and I gained 70 pounds. That weight gain made me not want to ever leave my house for many reasons and most of them were based on vanity. I began to hate myself and decline invites to things. I didn’t even notice when the invites stopped coming.

I spent a lot of this time online too. I was arguing with strangers all over the interwebs about all kinds of things. I am so thankful to be able to write on this blog and to have been asked to be a part of so many great projects and write for other Catholic websites, but in the middle of all that work there was me avoiding people in real life.

It’s very hard to plan things when life is crazy. Like when people are having meltdowns, getting arrested, dying and when oreos and milk in bed seems like a great way to spend a Friday night when getting dressed to go out feels like torture.

I was also sucked up in trying to fix all the things. Hello codependency! That takes a lot of energy and it causes so much pain in and of itself because there is no way of fixing anyone but myself. The frustration that came from people not doing what I say to do in order for me to “feel safe” took a life of its own. I became rude, snarky, angry and bitter. Most of all, all these things made me very self-centered. I didn’t see much else going on except what was wrong in my life with my family and my life. Me. Me.Me.

I haven’t been living life, really living it. I am not a person who goes to bed at 7pm on a Friday night with a package of oreos watching River Monsters. Not that there is anything wrong with that for people who get their life doing that, but I don’t. I hate it. It makes me depressed. I like to laugh. I like to dance. I like to be out with friends doing ridiculous things that we can’t post on social media. I love putting on make-up and fixing my hair to go out with my husband in his wranglers and stetson. There is no place that feels like home quite like a dive bar that smells like cigarettes and pee. I have said before that before. The difference this time is that my uncle’s death has made one thing so clear to me: life is a gift. And it’s short. There really isn’t time to waste being bitter.

I have let friendships die. It will not be easy to get back to life, but I plan on doing that. I am so lucky for those friends who are still around for me to invite to places and text in emojis. Most of all, I am so lucky to have my husband, who is my best friend. I said that I hated that term, but the truth is I am so glad that I was wrong about that. He is my favorite person to laugh with.

I am not writing any of this to get anyone’s pity. I have thrown a massive pity party for myself for a really long time now, but I just want anyone who feels like crap about life to know that if you do one thing when you are in crisis, go out with your friends when they invite you out! Do not stop living your life. You probably can’t do everything, but at least once a week go out with someone who makes you laugh and have fun. Don’t forget who you are and don’t let your friendships die.

Previous Post

May 24, 2016

Through the Clouds

Next Post

May 26, 2016 Life: the Gift that Bites You in the Ass

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category #PopeInUS 7 quick takes Abortion Bad Days Book Review Books Caitlyn Jenner Catholicsim Conversion Crosses Death Dignity of the Human Person Easter Ethics Evil Fall Family Fear Freedom Gay Marriage God Holy Week Homosexuality Jesus Laughter Lessons Love Marriage Mass Motherhood My Life New Evangelzation new year Parenting Peace Planned Parenthood Politics Pope Francis Pregnancy Race Rap Music Relationships Saints Sins Suffering Tempation The Catholic Church The Past Things about me Trust Truth Uncategorized Women's rights Writing

Select a Month December 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 May 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 October 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 August 2011 July 2011 May 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

According to James, what should elders do for someone who is sick?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Give them holy water Pray over them and anoint them with oil Fast for them Lay hands on them