Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Health, Fitness and Religion
I Just Said NO To God

I Just Said NO To God

Last updated on: October 7, 2025 at 4:49 pm by Christy Thomas

0 Comments

I Just Said NO To God 2025-10-07T16:49:24-05:00 Christy Thomas

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Suddenly, in that quiet room, floating with a few minutes of itch relief, deeply relaxed, I found myself saying a profound NO to God. A profound “NO” to this judgmental, voyeuristic, male-God-figure that I promised long ago to serve the rest of my life.

Suddenly, I said NO to God.

Image generated by ChatGPT

I lay on my back in the quiet room, ankles and neck supported. The traditional Chinese healer carefully inserts needles into my body: ankles, elbows, stomach, head. I hear the snap of the needle, but rarely feel it going in. When I do, there’s no discomfort.

The healer, reminding me to breathe deeply with longer exhales than inhales, lowers the lights and quietly leaves the room. Silence falls; my breathing deepens; I visualize healing; the itch slowly dissipates; a sense of health fills my body.

When the body says NO

Several days before this glorious acupuncture session, I had been reading a compelling and, for me, revealing book called When The Body Says No, by Gabor Maté. Two sentences early in the book resonated with me:

How many people unwittingly spend their entire lives as if under the gaze of a powerful and judgmental examiner whom they must please at all costs?

And

In important areas of their lives, almost none of my patients with serious disease had ever learned to say no.

Maté described my life. Suddenly, I saw with fresh eyes my judgmental examiners—who also made it impossible for me to say no.

My judgmental examiners

My first judgmental examiner was my father—and I never, ever passed one of his tests. However, my second judgmental examiner was much, much worse, for it was the all-powerful God, the heavenly Father-figure, ever present, ever watching over every single thing I did, knowing every thought, systematically stripping me of mental/physical/emotional/spiritual privacy, ever judging, ever finding me wanting, ever whispering to me that I was a hopeless sinner, saved only by the blood covering me, and that every time I did not measure up, which was constant, I nailed the divine Son back on the cross again.

I lived with unrelenting guilt, piled relentlessly upon me by both of my daddy-figures, often supplemented by others who, in some way or another, had authority over me—or thought they had.

All this was likely a precursor to my current unrelenting misery. I have essentially become allergic to myself.

The JOY paradigm: never good enough

It makes sense: I was never good enough, never measuring up—why shouldn’t I turn against myself? Wasn’t that the rule—the whole JOY thing? Jesus first, Others second, Yourself (me) third thing?

Unfortunately, Jesus/Others demanded 100% of my time and energy. Any me time or attention was deemed selfish/sinful/unacceptable or, worse yet, a sign of a rebellious, unsubmissive spirit. I will never forget one of those male authority figures pointing a finger at me, shouting “Jezebel,” because I had dared question one of his dictates.

And suddenly, in that quiet room, floating with a few minutes of itch relief, deeply relaxed, I found myself saying a profound and, frankly, shocking NO! to this judgmental, voyeuristic, male-God-figure that I promised long ago to serve the rest of my life.

Now, theologically, I had left that world a long time ago—but something ingrained in my soul and embedded in my body continued to internalize the message of never, ever being good enough, of always being a disappointment to the power/authority figures in my life, of constantly striving to please, all to no avail.

My theology, aided by my family background, has now sucked the life and health out of me.

An epidemic of autoimmunity?

I often wonder how many in the Evangelical world, particularly the female portion, have been afflicted with autoimmune diseases. I suspect answers would shock many—but not enough to change the essential message or carefully examine the toxicity of the core theology. Instead, the male leadership would only double down on the idea that women should not be in spiritual leadership roles—clearly, we are too weak to handle their so-called absolute truths—the ones that keep them in absolute power.

And now, my body speaks after years of being silenced. I have a red rash covering 95% of my skin—and it itches and it hurts. I have to fight the urge to scratch—and often I fail. I take massive amounts of medicine, none of which works very well.

And, sigh, Medicare just denied coverage of the one medicine that might actually bring relief. Although I’m working with my medical providers on an appeal, I am not hopeful—it’s an expensive drug ($5000/month), I’m an old woman, PLUS, the government is now shut down, so likely no new appeals will be processed any time soon.

The one drug that does give some relief, Prednisone, has also left me with some truly terrible side effects. In addition, the relief is always temporary, with a rebound even worse than the “before” situation.

And so, I have decided that the one helpful thing I can do now is seek to learn the lessons my body has been trying to teach me. I will no longer seek to silence it. I do not think that learning these lessons will bring a physical cure—I suspect the damage is too significant for that—but I can hope for healing and, perhaps, some peace in the midst of the persistent pricking of my skin.

The number one lesson? If it is true that God is male, that, as a woman, I will remain second-class in all eternity, always subject to male leadership, then I reject that version of heaven. So be it.

Evangelical

Health, Fitness and Religion

Christianity

About Christy Thomas

The Thoughtful Pastor is one woman's way of making sense of the world, especially the intersected world of religion, business, and politics. I think, question, and connect odd dots. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

September 21, 2025

The Nature of True Freedom And DJT's Fear Of It.

Next Post

December 6, 2025 Musk, Robots, And The Care Of The Dying

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"Good point."

The Rev. Dr. Christy Thomas

Peggy Noonan: The GOP Needs To ..."

"She supports Collins and Sullivan who caved when they could have really done something to ..."

Daniel F. Crawford

Peggy Noonan: The GOP Needs To ..."

"Peggy Noonan and her flower speech's she wrote is what killed the GOP, had all ..."

Frank Holzhauser

Peggy Noonan: The GOP Needs To ..."

"Stepping away from his campaign for 13 days handed his opponents a gift which they ..."

Bob Shiloh

The Lies and Hypocrisy Are Degrading ..."

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category " obedience abortion accommodation accountability administration adolescence Advent advice an ordinary death anxiety apology apportionments Ash Wednesday ask thoughtfulpastor baptism betrayal Bible bondage calling certainty change character charity children Christianity Christmas church church as garden clergy clergy credentials closure comfort compassion competition compromise Confirmation conservation conservative conspiracy theories consumer conversion coronavirua corruption courage covenant cultural context death Deconstruction discipleship discord divorce doctrine doing good drugs dysfunctional Easter Easter; Resurrection education election entertainment envy escape evaluation evil exclusive church exercise faith faithfulness family fasting fear feast featured film review finances first world problem food forgiveness fundamentalist garden gay marriage General Conference generosity giving thanks GLBT glory good government grace guilt habit happy harmony hateful acts healing health health care heaven hell hello/goodbye heresy hidden agenda holiness homelessness homosexuality humility hymn hypocrisy Imago Dei In training inclusive church indulgence injustice innocents insurance intolerance itinerancy joy Justice kindness Kingdom of Heave kingdom of heaven language laughter laundry lawsuit leadership Lent LGBTQ liberal life Little Things Matter longform meandering thoughts memories mercy metaphor metrics miracle misfortunes morality Mormon Muslim mystery worship natural disasters New Category Name nutrients older adults oppression pain Paleo paperwork partnered pastor peace pension pharmaceutical placebo politics poverty prayer privilege public schools questions quiet racism rain reason reconciliation religion repentance requirements rescue respect rest resurrection retirement Sabbath sacrament sacred salvation same-sex marriage sanctuary schism schooling science SCOTUS secrecy separation of church and state sexism sexuality short cuts silence sin sleep soil spiritual journey stillness suffering surgery sustainable church teacher technology thank you theology therapy thinking tolerance TOS trust truth Uncategorized welcome Why Easter? wisdom women worship

Select a Month November 2026 October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 December 2025 October 2025 September 2025 July 2025 June 2025 March 2025 February 2025 December 2024 November 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 April 2024 March 2024 January 2024 December 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 October 2022 September 2022 July 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 October 2021 July 2021 June 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 January 2020 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 July 2007 March 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz