Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Ask the Thoughtful Pastor: Hate the Sin of Homosexuality or Assume Truth?

Ask the Thoughtful Pastor: Hate the Sin of Homosexuality or Assume Truth?

Last updated on: January 5, 2016 at 5:03 pm by Christy Thomas

Ask the Thoughtful Pastor: Hate the Sin of Homosexuality or Assume Truth? 2016-01-05T17:03:17-05:00 Christy Thomas

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Shall we Assume Truth or Lie?

Shall we Assume Truth or Lie? © Eugenesergeev | Dreamstime.com, modifed by Christy Thomas

How can conservative Christians who believe that homosexuality is a sin support and show respect to their gay family members, coworkers, and friends in ways that will not compromise their personal faith? The adage, “love the sinner, hate the sin,” is blatantly offensive to those who do not believe that homosexuality is sinful. Is there a more nuanced way to look at this issue?

This is one of the most complex questions I’ve been asked. It deals with the nature of relationship and in many ways speaks to the often hostile world we inhabit today

What do we do with genuine and unbridgeable differences of opinion over religious, social and political matters?

First, the phrase, “love the sinner, hate the sin,” should be permanently retired.

The statement immediately raises the defenses of the listener, i.e., the one defined as the “sinner.” The designated “hater of the sin” takes the power position, essentially saying “I’m better than you.”

The phrase shuts down the hope of conversation and mutual understanding. It denies the option of staying in relationship without the compromise of one’s faith and one’s dignity as a human being.

In truth, there are many fine people on both sides of any question and particularly this one.

Some affirm that homosexuality cannot be reconciled with biblical statements. Several biblical passages appear to speak strongly against same-sex relationships: Main ones: the story of the destruction of Sodom, found in Genesis 19; the Leviticus 18 section of the holiness code that particularly relates to who may have sex with whom, and the Romans 1 description of the wrath of God upon human wickedness.

Others, including multiple Bible scholars, read the texts differently. The Genesis passage concerning the destruction of Sodom may be about the lack of hospitality and lack of care for the poor and needy (see Ezekiel 16). The Levitical condemnations may be linked to pagan worship practices promoting idolatry, the temptation to worship anything but God (money, prestige, accomplishments, sex, food, etc). The Romans passage could be speaking of sex with children, not consensual and mutually loving adult partners.

Frankly, isolated Bible passages support slavery and ethnic cleansing, but few today suggest those practices are God’s will. There is just a lot of context we don’t know.

No matter what, we have two irreconcilable positions. The divide is huge.

How then to bridge those divisions?

Many have tried arguing other people’s positions away or dismissing them as “ignorant” or “bigoted” or “ungodly” or “stupid.” Let’s face it: these words lead to deeper divisions.

The statement, “agreeing to disagree” does not work either.

Those who find homosexuality morally repellent see the “agreeing to disagree” position as an untenable compromise with truth.

Many on the other side of the divide see “agreeing to disagree” as equally untenable because the core of their existence and being is invalidated. This often produces emotional devastation, especially for young people coming to grips with their sexuality.

I think we have to start here: assume truth in the other as the starting point, no matter how much it troubles you.

Learn to treat others as capable and responsible human beings who are trying to sort out their lives just as we are trying to sort out our lives. Again, we start with assuming truth on the part of the other.

That’s the very nature of respect.

For me, I have finally realized that I am not God. I do not see all, and I most certainly do not know all. Believe me, it took quite a while for me to figure this out. I have a feeling I am not alone here.

My own life’s paths and choices have been a source of deep disagreement and even anguish for some who love me.

I have had similar disagreements and anguishes over the lives and decisions of others.

Nonetheless, others don’t inhabit my body or mind, nor I theirs. Furthermore, when I take the time to genuinely listen respectfully, assuming truth, to someone who holds a position antithetical to mine, I’m amazed by how much I can learn even when I do not change my own mind.

On the other hand, none of us needs to put up with being verbally (or physically or emotionally or spiritually) abused, nor do we have the right to abuse others in any manner. There may indeed come a time when it becomes necessary to limit relationship with someone. If we cannot speak to another with respect, then it is time to walk away, no matter what side of the divide we inhabit. If our truth is habitually called “lie” or “stupid” by another, it is best to limit or eliminate contact.

If someone has a better suggestion here, I’m more than open to hearing it.

Additional Notes:

As I was answering this question, I became aware that I was addressing the core of what The United Methodist Church faces and must address at General Conference, coming up in May, 2016 in Portland OR.

I also suspect that the rhetoric there will be heated, full of distrust and even disgust. Although there is probably a significant centrist position (the agree to disagree spot), I don’t see how it can hold for the reasons I discussed above. It requires too much compromise for those on the more entrenched edges.

Over this one issue, the future of what has been a powerful and impactful movement of the grace of God sits at stake. Certainly, there are other major concerns, but they have been swallowed and diminished by this overarching one concerning what is and what is not appropriate and God-sanctioned sexuality.

As many have noted, it’s not just the sexual acts in question, it is the whole nature of biblical interpretation. Now, after wrestling my way through this question, I say it is over something even greater than that: It is over the nature of our connection itself.

Does the connectional system of The United Methodist Church give us an adequate platform to assume truth in one another in cases of a divide this deep?

It may not. Part of the glue that keeps religious groups together is a shared theology and an expectation that we are speaking the same language about God and our understandings of God. If we no longer share that language or our basic assumptions about the nature of God and our connection, then we still must find a way to honor and respect each other in separation.

Personally, I think we do a greater job of glorifying God in an intentional decision to stay together, to honor these deep and unbridgeable differences in self-giving and humble love. We shall see if the delegates to General Conference and the money and power behind those delegates also see this the same way.

May God have mercy upon us all as we work our way through yet more uncharted territory in an ever changing and inextricably interconnected world.

All questions are welcome. You can email your questions to [email protected], “like” her Facebook Page, use this form to send them or message her on Twitter. You can also send a question through conventional mail to the following address: Thoughtful Pastor, 314 E. Hickory St., Denton, TX, 76202.

[Note: a version of this column will appear in the Friday, January 8, 2106 print and online editions of The Denton Record Chronicle.]

General Conference 2016

hate the sin love the sinner

UMC

Previous Post

January 4, 2016

Why Do We all Have to Lose Weight? New Year's Rant Time

Next Post

January 7, 2016 A Violation of Integrity: "Coming Out" as a Lesbian Clergyperson?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category " obedience abortion accommodation accountability administration adolescence Advent advice an ordinary death anxiety apology apportionments Ash Wednesday ask thoughtfulpastor baptism betrayal Bible bondage calling certainty change character charity children Christianity Christmas church church as garden clergy clergy credentials closure comfort compassion competition compromise Confirmation conservation conservative conspiracy theories consumer conversion coronavirua corruption courage covenant cultural context death Deconstruction discipleship discord divorce doctrine doing good drugs dysfunctional Easter Easter; Resurrection education election entertainment envy escape evaluation evil exclusive church exercise faith faithfulness family fasting fear feast featured film review finances first world problem food forgiveness fundamentalist garden gay marriage General Conference generosity giving thanks GLBT glory good government grace guilt habit happy harmony hateful acts healing health health care heaven hell hello/goodbye heresy hidden agenda holiness homelessness homosexuality humility hymn hypocrisy Imago Dei In training inclusive church indulgence injustice innocents insurance intolerance itinerancy joy Justice kindness Kingdom of Heave kingdom of heaven language laughter laundry lawsuit leadership Lent LGBTQ liberal life Little Things Matter longform meandering thoughts memories mercy metaphor metrics miracle misfortunes morality Mormon Muslim mystery worship natural disasters New Category Name nutrients older adults oppression pain Paleo paperwork partnered pastor peace pension pharmaceutical placebo politics poverty prayer privilege public schools questions quiet racism rain reason reconciliation religion repentance requirements rescue respect rest resurrection retirement Sabbath sacrament sacred salvation same-sex marriage sanctuary schism schooling science SCOTUS secrecy separation of church and state sexism sexuality short cuts silence sin sleep soil spiritual journey stillness suffering surgery sustainable church teacher technology thank you theology therapy thinking tolerance TOS trust truth Uncategorized welcome Why Easter? wisdom women worship

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 December 2025 October 2025 September 2025 July 2025 June 2025 March 2025 February 2025 December 2024 November 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 April 2024 March 2024 January 2024 December 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 October 2022 September 2022 July 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 October 2021 July 2021 June 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 January 2020 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 July 2007 March 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz