His Life Was Marked by Love, a Father’s Eulogy for his Son

Last updated on: April 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm by Amy Julia Becker

His Life Was Marked by Love, a Father’s Eulogy for his Son 2012-04-19T18:14:01-04:00 Amy Julia Becker

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I’ve had the honor of trading a few emails with Aaron Cobb recently. He shared with me the eulogy he wrote for his son Samuel, who was born with Trisomy 18. It is a testimony to the goodness and beauty of life and love:

Friends and family: Thank you for sharing this day with us.

I stand before you today as a father who grieves the loss of my son – my Samuel. I’m able to stand and to speak because you’ve have been with us, sharing in our suffering. We are humbled, overwhelmed, and grateful for your love. I cannot offer sufficient thanks to you for the thousands of prayers offered on our behalf, the time spent crying with us and for us, the boundless supply of food and other practical resources you’ve provided, the gifts of love you’ve made in memory of Sam, and, most importantly, your presence with us. For all of these we are more than thankful.

Today, I want to say just a few words as a way of honoring Samuel and as an offering to God of our continued trust in His loving-kindness and faithfulness.

For months, I have tried to imagine this day – the inevitable day that we would be remembering our son. Having been diagnosed with a condition many call “incompatible with life,” I wasn’t sure what I could say, or what I would get to say, about Sam’s life.

In early November, when we did not know whether we would get to see him or to hold him alive, I wrote the following:

“How does one remember a life which ends before it begins? How can one offer a good word about a life whose every moment was coded for death? Is it all a waste? And when I consider Samuel – his life – is it a waste for him? As I think through these questions, I reflect on Sam’s experience. Our precious, vulnerable son is experiencing the fierce and undying love of a mother who cares for, nurtures, carries, and cries over him. He is hearing Micah’s joyful sounds of laughter as he refers to his brother affectionately as “Bonkey-Pants.” And Samuel is hearing me say “I love you” as I try to find a way to protect him. Would Samuel have been better off having not experienced his mom’s love? Is his brother’s love and laughter wasted? Are my words insignificant to his little life?”

Now, standing on this side of Sam’s four hour and fifty-eight minute life – and having held my son for almost that entire time – I think I’m in a better position to answer these questions.

For the short time Sam was alive and in our arms, he breathed, he studied our faces, he listened to our voices, and he responded with soft and sweet sounds. He was determined. He was courageous. He was beautiful.

In the midst of everything, I was surprised by the peacefulness and normalcy of the entire experience. I sat, cradling him in my arms, and talked with Fr. Rusty; we were two friends together sharing the grace and gift of this new life.

When Fr. Rusty stepped out for a moment, I took the opportunity to tell Sam about his amazing mom and brother. I told him about how his mother carried him selflessly without a thought to anything she would expect to receive from her love. I told him about how Micah helped us to give him his name and how much he loved being the big brother. I told him that I loved him and that I was blessed to be his dad. He heard me sing softly – a song I sang to Micah just moments after Micah had been born.

During these hours, Sam got to see Alisha’s face and hear her sweet voice as she held him in her arms. He was blessed and baptized by Fr. Rusty. Hope Mardre, his godmother, held him and spoke sweet words about our precious and beautiful boy. He got to meet our friends Lindsey and Braxton and Golson who welcomed him lovingly. Some of his extended family were able to hear his sweet voice on the phone. He was cared for by nurses and doctors who held him tenderly and who cried with us as he took his final breath. And there were many like Jeanne Dean, who had come to stay with Micah when we left for the hospital, awake and praying us through those sacred hours. Our little corner of that neonatal intensive care unit was a holy space; our time was peaceful, calm, significant, beautiful, perfect.

In short, our son, our sweet Samuel, experienced the embrace of a whole community who welcomed him lovingly into a broken and vulnerable world. Samuel’s life, however short, was a life born in love, surrounded in love, and completed in love. His life was marked by something greater than his defects, his disabilities, his injuries; his life was marked by love.

Not one moment of Sam’s life was a moment devoid of love. He was loved. He was loved fiercely. He was loved well.

Sam’s life was not a life that ended before it began. His life ended as it began: in the love of family and friends and in the love of a God who is faithful and abounding in mercy.

And Sam’s life was not a wasted life. He was a gift, a precious and beautiful gift, given to us to care for as best we could. The months that Alisha carried him and the hours we held him were some of the most profound and most significant of our lives.

Loving Samuel was our calling and I’m so glad that we got to be his parents. I’m so thankful we got to love him.

You can read more about Samuel and his family here.

Previous Post

April 18, 2012

Losing My Voice and the Festival of Faith and Writing

Next Post

April 23, 2012 A Blessed Life

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Articles Books Disability Down Syndrome Faith family Perfectly Human Uncategorized

Select a Month February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 September 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz