Perfectly Human: “The Look” by Karen Jackson

Last updated on: March 8, 2012 at 8:21 am by Amy Julia Becker

Perfectly Human: “The Look” by Karen Jackson 2012-03-06T21:16:14-05:00 Amy Julia Becker

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Long time readers of this blog may remember that I used to run a weekly guest post called “Perfectly Human.” The purpose of the posts was to offer first-hand experience of the common humanity of people with disabilities. I ran out of obvious contacts for a while, but recently a few people have offered their stories, and I’m so glad I get to share them with you. If you have a story of your own experience with disability that you’d like to share, contact me for submission guidelines.

Today we hear from Karen Jackson, mother of Samantha, who has autism, and the Director of the Faith Inclusion Network of South Hampton Roads. She writes:

Samantha, Karen's daughter

It has been over five years of advocating in my home church, four years of working to develop Faith Inclusion Network and hours upon hours of reading and studying both the Bible and disability and faith related material, but it still sometimes bothers me when I get “the look”. You who are parents of children with disabilities know what I mean. “The look” happens in the grocery store, the library, any public place you venture out with your child where people who are either uneducated or at best, just curious, will look at your child or you with some kind of question in their eyes or worse, judgment on their faces. They may recognize that something is different about your child or just notice your child’s behavior is not quite appropriate for their age. They definitely do not recognize, however, how rude and hurtful it is to stare.

As a parent of a 14 year old child with autism, I like to think that I am over “the look” and it does not affect me, but in all honesty, it still hurts sometimes. I am usually most appalled when it happens at church, a place I have been working to increase awareness and education for years, a place where I have worked hardest to help make people with disabilities an their families feel more comfortable and accepted.

And today, while walking my daughter through the sanctuary after receiving communion, it happened again. An unaware, probably slightly curious parishioner was giving us “the look”- staring at my daughter as if she were purple.

As we walked past this person, however, another somewhat surprising thought occurred to me; it was a thought of gratitude.

“Gratitude?” You ask, “How does one feel gratitude for once again being on the receiving end of such, to put it mildly, an unkind look?” Well, it suddenly occurred to me that, if it were not for those uncomfortable, and at times, very hurtful experiences, I may never have gotten involved in the advocacy work that has become my passion. I may never have met all the wonderful people that I share time with once a month at our “special parents” prayer and support group meetings, a group I helped to started 5 years ago. I definitely would never had even thought to found Faith Inclusion Network, our community’s growing non-profit organization that is working to better include people with disabilities into faith communities. I most likely would not be the kind of parent I am today. In short, the trials and challenges, like receiving, “the look,” have turned into incredible blessings.

Joni Erickson Tada, a favorite author of mine, addresses this quite eloquently in her book, “31 Days Toward Overcoming Adversity”:

Something happens…something supernatural…something powerful…something that touches both time and eternity…when a believer gives praise to Christ in the midst of trouble and adversity. People notice and wonder: Angels observe and worship. Demons flee from the brilliance. But more than all those things, the name of God gains honor and glory. Oh my friend, it isn’t easy. It certainly isn’t natural. It may come through tears. But if by faith you will offer a sacrifice of praise to God in the midst of your pain today, the resulting radiance will shine further than you could begin to imagine pp. 74-75

So today, instead of feeling hurt or even a bit annoyed by receiving yet another “look” from an unaware person, I chose to thank and praise God for this experience. Although I can’t promise that, on another day, I will be able to do the same, I am grateful today that I have chosen not to be hurt, annoyed or even to just ignore “the look” that has often plagued me in the past. Today I chose to be grateful for this small trial and thank and praise the Lord, once again, for giving me the blessing of my beautiful daughter who has autism. Today I chose to turn “the look” into a chance to express gratitude. Thanks be to God.

faith inclusion network

karen jackson

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