The Comparison Trap

Last updated on: October 11, 2011 at 8:58 am by Amy Julia Becker

The Comparison Trap 2011-10-11T08:58:34-04:00 Amy Julia Becker

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I’ve been thinking about comparisons. We do it without thinking–compare our waistline to the person next to us, notice what car he drives, what bag she carries, what beauty they possess. And once children are a part of the equation, it all steps up a notch. We compare everything from developmental milestones to diaper rash. And sometimes that’s fine. Sometimes it remains simply a point of comparison, or a way of recognizing that my child is different than yours, even a helpful way to get advice. But sometimes–often?–comparisons become points of division.

The division happens in one of two ways. First, it can provoke jealousy. I wish my child could do what yours can. I wish my belly was as flat as hers. I wish my paycheck was as large. And I resent her for it. Second, it can provoke judgment. Why doesn’t your child behave as well as mine/ read as well as mine/ kick the ball as well as mine? When we compare ourselves to someone else, or our children to someone else’s, we start to think we’re better than they are. That we worked harder or spent more time reading out loud or ate more healthily. Either way, jealousy or judgment, comparisons like these distance us from one another. They destroy relationship.

So then I was thinking about a whole other set of comparisons. We compare ourselves person to person, but what if I tried to compare myself to God in the person of Jesus? It’s almost laughable. I might be able to fill myself up with pride in my accomplishments or empty myself out with guilt over all the things I can’t do when I compare myself to other people. But when I compare myself, when I compare anyone, to Jesus, it just stops making sense. Because we all fall short in comparison to him. He was kinder and gentler and smarter and holier and everything else. And yet for many people, being in his presence didn’t provoke jealousy or judgment. Instead, his presence drew forth love. His presence helped people see their weakness, their brokenness, their sin, and yet instead of being crushed or dejected by that reality, his presence drew forth a desire for healing, for forgiveness, for restoration. His presence brought life.

The basis of our relationship with God is not one of comparisons. It is one of compassion. By the power of the Spirit at work among us, I hope and pray that I will become more and more a person who receives the forgiveness and healing of God. Instead of resentment, jealousy, and judgment, I hope and pray I will become a person who brings life.

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