Why We Don’t Invite Our Friends to Church

Last updated on: July 6, 2011 at 12:32 pm by Amy Julia Becker

Why We Don’t Invite Our Friends to Church 2011-07-06T12:32:26-04:00 Amy Julia Becker

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

For a long time, I thought church should be a place where I could invite my friends who don’t believe in Jesus. Actually, I should be more specific. I thought Sunday morning church services should be places where I could invite my friends who don’t believe in Jesus. I don’t think that anymore.

When the members of our church come together on a Sunday morning, we come together as a community of believers, and we intend to worship God. To anyone who doesn’t know God and/or believe in Him, it’s awfully strange. We sing songs with words like, “We adore you” and “I want to live my life for you” and “In Christ alone my hope is found.” We celebrate preposterous ideas like Jesus rising from the dead. We talk about being sinners and needing salvation. We talk about needing Jesus’ blood. And, at least in our church, sometimes people raise their hands and close their eyes and pray out loud. No matter how “contemporary” the service, no matter how casual or formal it feels, no matter how enthusiastically the people in the pews (or chairs) welcome newcomers, worship is awfully strange for an outsider. And I suspect that’s as it should be.

I no longer intend to invite my friends who don’t believe in Jesus to church on Sunday morning. But I do hope that the churches we are involved in over the years will become communities that offer ways for outsiders to enter in. Again, I’m guessing a worship service isn’t a great point of entry. But I suspect there might be other ways to walk into God’s house, so to speak, without it seeming so intimidating or alien. A Bible Study, for instance, for men and women from our neighborhood, where everyone has a chance to participate should they want to do so and no one assumes they know what anyone else believes. A retreat designed for churchgoers to invite friends–complete with good food and time for relaxing together and also a speaker (but probably not a worship team) laying out the basics of Christianity and how following Jesus can change our lives.

I used to work for a Christian ministry. We weren’t aiming to convert. We were aiming to introduce students to Jesus–through small group discussions, large group meetings with talks about the Christian faith, and through friendships and mentor relationships that developed over time. Generally after participating in these activities, which happened on school campuses or in friends’ houses or local coffee shops, it became appropriate to invite students to church, to invite them to move from observer to participant, from one who discusses God to one who worships God.

I’d like to think that similar opportunities could exist for my friends who aren’t in high school anymore and don’t have an itinerant youth worker coming to their lacrosse games or eating pizza with their friends. I’d like to imagine churches that continue to provide space for believers to worship together but who simultaneously provide a way for that worshiping community to go forth and invite friends and family to think and watch and wonder about the possibility of knowing God. This model depends upon the church providing structures for multiple points of entry–materials and training for Bible Study leaders, or programs like Socrates in the City or Spiritual Shots, or retreat weekends with compelling activities and speakers and so forth.

So when I say I’m not inviting my friends to church, I’m not giving up on them or on the church. Instead, I’m holding out hope that I (and you, if you too follow Jesus) will actually engage with our friends in a way that invites them to think about life with God. I’m holding out hope that an invitation will lead to a conversation will lead to transformation and that one day we might stand side by side, maybe even tentatively holding our hands in the air, worshiping the Lord together.

Previous Post

July 5, 2011

Another Reason to Love Your Neighbor

Next Post

July 6, 2011 What I'm Reading: Recent Articles about Disability

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Articles Books Disability Down Syndrome Faith family Perfectly Human Uncategorized

Select a Month February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 September 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz