What Rachel Simon Told Me About Being a Sibling of Someone with a Disability

Last updated on: July 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm by Amy Julia Becker

What Rachel Simon Told Me About Being a Sibling of Someone with a Disability 2011-07-08T14:58:37-04:00 Amy Julia Becker

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A few weeks ago, I reviewed Rachel Simon’s new novel, The Story of Beautiful Girl. She and I then corresponded via Twitter, and on Wednesday night we had a lovely conversation in which I had the chance to ask her some of the questions that you all suggested. In particular, I asked her if she had any advice for siblings of children with disabilities. I’ll post more once I go back and transcribe the conversation in full, but for now I’ll offer this. She said she think her parents should have made her sister Beth do more chores. Yes, she was resentful as a kid that Beth didn’t have similar household responsibilities. But more than that, she thinks that Beth didn’t learn perseverance and having to follow through with responsibility from an early age. As a result, Beth still has trouble holding down a job.

I responded from a parental perspective. I already can see how tempting it will be to excuse Penny from chores. She’s fully capable of clearing her dishes (although perhaps more inclined to spill the extra food on her plate on the way to the sink) or of putting away her clothes or of feeding the cat. She just doesn’t like to do chores. She gets whiny. She puts her head on her arm and says, “I’m tired.” It feels like more work to give her the instruction and cajoling she needs than to expect her to follow through in response to my request.

William, on the other hand, literally asks me, “Mom, can I wash dishes please?” He also enjoys vacuuming, washing the windows, and doing “projects” with Dad. (Yesterday, that project included hanging towels over the windows that are letting sunlight into their room at 5 a.m. William reported, “Dad very carefully put the ladder on top of my dresser and climbed up.” I’m glad I wasn’t there.) It’s very easy to respond to his willingness by giving him more responsibility and to respond to Penny’s recalcitrance by expecting less of her.

There’s a big stack of laundry sitting on my bed. Penny and William–you’re both going to help put it away. Someday you’ll thank me (and Rachel Simon) for it.

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