If I Accidentally Say the Word “Retarded”…

Last updated on: May 3, 2010 at 9:33 am by Amy Julia Becker

If I Accidentally Say the Word “Retarded”… 2010-05-03T09:33:00-04:00 Amy Julia Becker

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Peter was talking with a friend of ours. I don’t know the context, but she called something “retarded” as they talked.

We bumped into her again the next day. She reached out and touched Peter’s arm. “I’m so sorry about what I said yesterday. I don’t know if you even noticed, but I was sleep deprived, and a word I never use came out of my mouth, and I’m so sorry.”

He looked her in the eye. “Thanks so much for saying that. It means a lot.”

Pretty simple exchange, and yet it was utterly remarkable. Since Penny was born, as I’ve written about before (see Finding the Right Words, Our Daughter Penny and the Word Retarded, Movies and the R-Word, They Cheered For Me, among others), we’ve become even more conscious of the way people–intentionally, unintentionally–demean those with cognitive disabilities through their language. It runs from the top to the bottom of our culture, whether it’s President Obama joking about the Special Olympics, or the countless times we’ve overheard everyone from teenagers to grandmothers saying, “I’m so retarded,” or “That’s so retarded,” in passing conversation. Or when I picked up the New York Times on Friday to see this front page article: Promise Seen in Drug for Retardation Syndrome. The article itself provides some helpful information. The language used to convey it leaves something to be desired.

The bottom line is that people in our culture still use the word retarded as a casual slur or joke or just a lazy way to describe themselves after making a mistake. And when the word is used in this way, it contributes to a perception that people with cognitive disabilities (a.k.a. mental retardation) can be treated with derision.

But it slips out. Even for the most well-meaning, thoughtful, caring and compassionate people, it slips out. So three words of advice when it does. Say you’re sorry. That’s it. Just say you’re sorry. Brave the awkward distance. It goes a long way.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

April 30, 2010

What I'm Reading: Take This Bread

Next Post

May 4, 2010 Penelope Ayers Updates and Reviews

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Articles Books Disability Down Syndrome Faith family Perfectly Human Uncategorized

Select a Month February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 September 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz