Invocation

Last updated on: January 12, 2015 at 12:31 am by Aliza Worthington

Invocation 2015-01-12T00:31:40-05:00 Aliza Worthington

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

As a Jew, I’ve sat through my share of interminable sermons. I’ve endured excruciatingly long bar mitzvah services and naming ceremonies. Having a Catholic husband has also exposed me to long masses and wordy pre-meal prayers. Now, I’m not really the praying type. However, I’m very happy to respect the prayer rituals of those around me and bow my head to contemplate what is being said. After all – I figure, “There’s gotta be something in here I can agree with…I can go along with that…I can secularize this and send my positive energy out into the world even if it’s not necessarily “religious.” Hoping for peace, health and understanding? Yeah, man – I can totally get behind that.

Recently, though, I was blown away by an invocation delivered by a person of the cloth. The list of things for which we (by “we,” I mean “others”) prayed was simply staggering. It went a little something like this*:

Dear Father in Heaven,

We pray for the following:

Black for the white.
Food for the Hungry.
Music for the tone-deaf.
Peace for the war torn.
Forks for the knives.
Butter for the bread.
Homes for the homeless.
Drums for the band.
Uteri for the Embryos.
Medicine for the hungry.
Food for the sick.
Tablecloths for the tables.
Friends for the lonely.
Confidence for the wusses.
Humility for the dumb-asses.
Tonic for the gin.
Wallpaper for the naked walls.
Tables for the chairs.
Salt for the pepper.
Alcohol for the bored.
Comedy for the Germans.
Lots of Jews for the anti-semites in Paris.
Chargers for the iPads.
Wicks for the candles.
Badges for the lanyards.
Toilet paper for the stalls.
Windows that open for the menopausal.
Tongues for the ice cream.
Laces for the sneakers.
Belts for the pants that are too big. (Who the fuck am I kidding? I’ll never have pants that are too big…)
Earplugs for the parents of kids who sing “Let it Go.”

and finally, dear Lord,
Brevity for the clergy.

Amen.

*Just kidding. Sort of.

B. Liberty (Gender/Politics/Religion)

Previous Post

April 9, 2014

American Blogger - A Trailer Review

Next Post

April 17, 2014 Are Ukrainian Jews Political Pawns or Actual Targets?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A. Life (People/Education/Random) B. Liberty (Gender/Politics/Religion) C. Happiness (Humor/Memories/Random) Uncategorized

Select a Month February 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many books is the Book of Psalms divided into?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Seven Three Ten Five