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Embracing Disappointment: Learning from Abraham

Embracing Disappointment: Learning from Abraham

Last updated on: November 8, 2024 at 12:51 am by Rabbi David Feder

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Embracing Disappointment: Learning from Abraham 2024-11-08T00:51:10-05:00 Rabbi David Feder

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Embracing Disappointment

Embracing disappointment in the results of our choices.

In the weeks leading up to the election, the only thing about which I was absolutely certain was that about half the country would be disappointed in the results. Disappointment is something with which I am very familiar. As a fan of the Oakland/Los Angeles/Oakland/Las Vegas Raiders for more than 50 years, I have witnessed more than my fair share of head-scratching draft choices, inexplicable trades, and a dizzying coaching carousel without seeing positive results. I think I can talk about disappointment.

Disappointment also features prominently in this week’s Torah portion, Lech Lecha (Genesis 12:1-17:27), the first of three portions that encompass the life of Abraham. The portion begins with the terse, almost staccato Hebrew directive given by God to Abraham, “Go forth from your land, from the place of your birth, from your father’s house to the land which I will show you. I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you shall be a blessing.”

Abraham’s journey

After this auspicious pronouncement, Abraham gathered his household, including his wife Sarah and his nephew Lot, and set out to follow God’s instructions. He arrived in the land of Canaan, was told that this is the land that he is to possess and then immediately traveled south into Egypt, because of a famine in the land of Canaan. In Egypt, fearing he might be killed, he presented his wife as his sister. Pharaoh married her, was beset by plagues, learned the truth and then had Abraham, Sarah, and their household escorted out of Egypt. Back in Canaan, Abraham and Lot’s shepherds quarreled and uncle and nephew separate with Lot taking the land to the east and Abraham ending up with the west. Once again, God reassured Abraham that he will receive all the land and his descendants, who currently number zero, will be as numerous as the dust of the earth. After this, Lot was kidnapped at the conclusion of the war of the four kings vs. the five kings, Abraham defeated Chedorlaomer, rescued Lot and returned property to the king of Sodom. Abraham once again despairs that he will be heirless, and his steward will inherit his wealth. Yet again God reassures him that he will sire children.

Sarah took matters into her own hands and told Abraham to try to impregnate her servant Hagar. Hagar did become pregnant, but this led to conflict between Sarah and Hagar. At the conclusion of the portion, following the birth of Ishmael, Hagar’s son, God appeared to Abraham still another time, and reiterated the promise of numerous descendants and assured him that Sarah will bear his son, once Abraham and all the males in his camp are circumcised.

Disappointment

Over the course of 25 years and 6 chapters, God’s initial promise of numerous offspring and possession of the land has been repeated 5 more times. Abraham still has not seen it come to pass. What’s amazing is that he doesn’t give up, he doesn’t walk away, he doesn’t scream and curse. He kept trying to do the right thing. Abraham wasn’t perfect or a paragon of virtue. He lied about his wife because he was afraid of losing his own life. He sent her to another man’s bed. He didn’t step in to mitigate the strife between Sarah and Hagar. He continued to question God about his heir. He’s not perfect, but he tries to be good. That’s about all that can be asked of any person.

Our own journeys

His charge from God, to leave his land, his native land, his father’s house to the land that he will be shown is a forerunner to the journey most of us make in life or at least try to. We start of leaving behind the easy stuff: fashions, styles, trends, the near obsessive desire to “fit in”. Everyone in our life that is transitory is that land in which we reside.

Leaving our native land is a little more difficult. It’s about re-evaluating those ideas we’ve hled for a while. It’s thinking about what our peers and our community have always told us. It’s a bout thinking critically about society has told us as we’ve grown and matured. What do we hold on to? What do we discard?

Leaving our parents’ house is the most difficult. We’re reconsidering concepts and practices we’ve absorbed since infancy. Are we exact replicas of our parents? Are there beliefs on which we disagree? What traditions do we want to continue? How do we become our own people?

Looking back on this process of becoming, are we disappointed with the decisions we made? Actions we took? Beliefs we held? Are we disappointed when we feel isolated? When we feel our voices are being drowned out by a louder majority? Do we ever feel that we have struggled to make that journey, while those around us have not even taken the first step, or perhaps have taken a step backward?

We look first to the example of Abraham and continue forward, remaining true to our ideals, even when the results are not to our liking, even when we area sorely disappointed. And we can look as well to the example of King Solomon.

Is there a magic ring?

Solomon sent his most trusted minister, Benaiah ben Yehoyada on an impossible mission. He gave him six months to locate a ring that has the magical power to make a sad man happy and a happy man sad. Benaiah searched far and wide, explored the four corners of the earth and found nothing. He returned to the palace in Jerusalem the day before his six-month period was to end. Wandering through a market in the poorest part of town, he passed by a merchant who had rings, bracelets, and other baubles spread on the carpet before him.

Benaiah asked the merchant, “Have you heard of a magical ring that ca make a sad man happy and a happy man sad?

The merchant shook his head and said, “No, I haven’t.”

Just at that moment, the merchant’s father appeared and motioned to Benaiah. The elderly man took a simple ring, quickly inscribed it and handed it to Benaiah. Benaiah read the inscription, smiled and thanked the older man profusely.

Later that evening, Benaiah appeared before King Solomon. Solomon asked him if he had been successful in his mission. Benaiah answered, “Yes, your majesty,” and handed him the ring.

Solomon examined it and then smiled broadly. “Yes, Benaiah, truly you have found a magical ring.”

Inscribed on the ring were three simple Hebrew words, “Gam zeh ya’avor – this too shall pass.”

Nothing lasts forever, victory or defeat, satisfaction or disappointment. Change is the only certainty and we take heart in that, because, after all, tomorrow is another day.

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