The Beauty of Discernment: Some thoughts on betrayal, friendship, and loving those who are untrustworthy.

Last updated on: August 26, 2014 at 10:05 am by Andrew Schwab

The Beauty of Discernment: Some thoughts on betrayal, friendship, and loving those who are untrustworthy. 2014-08-26T10:05:35-07:00 Andrew Schwab

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It’s a foregone conclusion that Jesus knew who Judas Iscariot really was from the get-go, but did the disciples? Most likely not, or someone would have spoken up. I can only imagine the disgust they felt when they saw Judas walking up to them in the garden with Jesus’ enemies, leading the charge to detain the Savior. Nothing pierces quite as deep as the wounds of betrayal from someone you thought was your friend…

We have all been there, and those wounds shape the way we approach friendship, and more importantly, fellowship. But if we will learn to develop our God-given discernment a little more, we can avoid much of the hurt that comes along with disloyalty. And if we learn from our experiences we will become wise in our approach to relationships.

What is discernment, really? It is listening to the still-small voice inside your head, the quiet alarm bell that tells you something isn’t quite right. Discernment is also the ability to know when someone possesses trustworthy character. To practice discernment is to interpret verbal and nonverbal communication objectively with the aid of the Holy Spirit. In order to do this, you have to resist the urge to make people into what you want them to be. This means no matter how much you like the other person or want the friendship to work, you have to look at their character without bias. If you are willing to be objective, God will show you who people really are.

Wisdom comes into play in this realm through experience. When you have a friendship go awry, make efforts to learn from the relationship. Become a student of people, as well as yourself. Ask yourself, Why did things go this way? What areas can I improve? What were the red flags in this situation, and how can I recognize them and take the proper action next time?

Fellowship requires intimacy and reciprocal vulnerability because we need closeness with other Christians to live out our faith. But we won’t be able to find this if we are constantly licking our wounds. By applying discernment, you can sift through your relationships and truly determine those who are worthy of being in your inner circle. You can also avoid much of the pain of betrayal by spotting untrustworthy people early on.

The ultimate application of discernment, however, is to help us love people (even untrustworthy people) as Christ loved us. Through discernment we learn to see past rough exteriors in order to demonstrate true care for the hurting. This requires patience and influence from Jesus, but we CAN do this. And when we learn to love those who are unlovable, we have begun to see the promised land-which is the character of Jesus. This goes well beyond picking good friends, and those who find it will lead other men to God’s kingdom.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24

This is an excerpt from the forthcoming Tin Soldiers Study guide. When combined with The Tin Soldiers book it forms a complete 52-week curriculum for personal study and small groups. Preorder your copy here and get the book and t-shirt at a special price as well.

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