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Who is Most Miserable According to Muhammad’s Wife?

Who is Most Miserable According to Muhammad’s Wife?

Last updated on: September 30, 2026 at 10:58 pm by Todd Weller

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Who is Most Miserable According to Muhammad’s Wife? 2026-09-30T22:58:37-05:00 Todd Weller

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It appears that Islam is being communicated as a religion that is inherently good for women. Over the last few weeks, I’ve seen many posts, comments, videos, and sound bites of muslim apologists making some astounding claims.

Maybe you, yourself, have heard many of the same claims as I:

Islam protects women.
Muslim Women are free.
Islam provides rights to women.
Islam gives women autonomy.
Muslim women are protected.
Islam invests in women.

All of these claims would be great if only they were true. To be clear, I understand that there are muslims out there that do in fact look out for women in many ways. It would be foolish to deny this. But to say that Islam itself is good for women would fly in the face of not only Islamic history, but these claims go against the life of Muhammad and Aisha themselves.

In fact, Aisha had plenty of important things to say about the life of women within Islam and it would certainly be shocking for some to see. Let’s take a look at one of them to get started. As we explore these sources, let’s ask ourselves:

Is Islam truly good for women?

Exhibit A: Muslim Women are Miserable

Often, you’ll see Muslim apologists (specifically female Muslim apologists) defend Islam as the greatest liberating feature of their lives. Even Muslim reverts who are female will make these claims as well. Of course, their husbands (or random men in general) protect them and uplift them, and Muhammad was loved by all of his wives. How could Islam not be good for women as these faithful female muslims portray?

There is one female Muslim who noticed something strange about the life of the free and liberated muslim women that were around her. This female Muslim was the mother of believers herself: Aisha.

According to Aisha, muslim women aren’t liberated, nor free, nor protected by their husbands nor broader society. To the contrary, it appears that to be a female Muslim, according to Aisha, isn’t as liberating as it is normally cracked up to be.

Let’s take a look at Aisha’s own words regarding this matter.

According to Sahih al-Bukhari 5825, we read this about the plight of Muslimas:

Note: I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting the quotation that is the focus here.

Narrated `Ikrima:

“Rifa`a divorced his wife whereupon `AbdurRahman bin Az-Zubair Al-Qurazi married her. `Aisha said that the lady (came), wearing a green veil (and complained to her (Aisha) of her husband and showed her a green spot on her skin caused by beating). It was the habit of ladies to support each other, so when Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) came,

`Aisha said, “I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women. Look! Her skin is greener than her clothes!”

When `AbdurRahman heard that his wife had gone to the Prophet, he came with his two sons from another wife. She said, “By Allah! I have done no wrong to him but he is impotent and is as useless to me as this,” holding and showing the fringe of her garment, `Abdur-Rahman said, “By Allah, O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! She has told a lie! I am very strong and can satisfy her but she is disobedient and wants to go back to Rifa`a.” Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, to her, “If that is your intention, then know that it is unlawful for you to remarry Rifa`a unless `Abdur-Rahman has had sexual intercourse with you.” Then the Prophet (ﷺ) saw two boys with `Abdur- Rahman and asked (him), “Are these your sons?” On that `AbdurRahman said, “Yes.” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “You claim what you claim (i.e.. that he is impotent)? But by Allah, these boys resemble him as a crow resembles a crow,”

What do we learn from this strange and concerning interaction?

Of course, the strange ruling by Muhammad about AbduRahman needing to have intercourse with Rifa’a’s ex-wife before she can return truly catches the eye. One may wax eloquently about cultural norms of 8th-century Arabia. But I do not believe that cultural context is helpful since Muhammad is considered to be a mercy to mankind and is a beautiful example to follow according to Allah.

Besides this, we also notice that this woman had experienced abuse under AbduRahman. She shows Aisha the green welt. When she approaches Muhammad about her concerns, she shares that she has not seen “any woman suffering as much as muslim women.”

How strange that such a liberating religion for women would cause Aisha to come to this conclusion.

It also seems that AbduRahman was not chastised or punished for his action against his wife.

When he charges her with lying, Muhammad seems to believe him immediately, despite his own wife’s attention to the matter. So. Back to our original question:

Is Islam truly good for women?

Exhibit B: Muslim Women are Allowed to be Struck

The above behavior truly does not shock me, especially since the Quran explicitly endorses the striking of one’s wife. See, for instance, Surah 4:34. It appears that there is a scale of discipline that husbands are permitted to carry out should their wives be disobedient. Let’s see what Allah tells Muslim men to do:

Surah 4:34 says this:

“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.”

A Couple of Notes are worthy of our attention.

First, multiple tafsirs are in agreement that the striking or beating of wives is not to be “severe.”

Take Ibn Abbas, for instance, where he states, “…by means of sacred knowledge and the Qur’an (and banish them to beds apart) turn your faces away from them in bed, (and scourge them) in a mild, unexaggerated manner…”

Jalal Al-Jalalayn is in agreement. He says, “… if [the wives] manifest such disobedience and strike them but not violently if they refuse to desist from their rebellion after leaving them in separate beds.”

Again, in Ibn Al Kathir, who refers back to a few other Tafsirs, we see the following:

“Ibn `Abbas and several others said that the Ayah refers to a beating that is not violent. Al-Hasan Al-Basri said that it means, a beating that is not severe.”

So, notice, it’s ok to hit, beat, and scourge your wife if she refuses you as a husband, as long as it isn’t severe. BUT, this is only if a Muslim man “fears” disobedience. And offense doesn’t actually need to happen before striking occurs.

Apparently, AbdurRahman didn’t get the memo about not doling out a “severe” beating. And if only Muhammad would’ve had these scholars to aid him in his decision on what to do about AbdurRahman. Perhaps he would have disciplined him in some manner. But, of course, this wasn’t the case.

Now, you should know that this was not the only place where we see Muhammad give license for hitting one’s wife.

In Mishkat al-Masabih 3261, we see an example of permission from Muhammad to hit muslim wives, and he has an interesting response when these women begin to complain.

Let’s look at this hadith together.

In Mishkat al-Masabih 3261, we read:

“Iyas b. ‘Abdallah reported God’s Messenger as saying, “Do not beat God’s handmaidens;” but when ‘Umar came to God’s Messenger and said, “The women have become emboldened towards their husbands,” he gave licence to beat them. Then many women went round God’s Messenger’s family complaining of their husbands, and he said, “Many women have gone round Muhammad’s family complaining of their husbands. Those are not the “best among you.” Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah and Darimi transmitted it.”

What do we learn?

Well, we see that there was a command NOT to beat God’s handmaidens. This seems good at first. Thank goodness there is a ruling to not strike women of Islam. But, of course, there’s a quick shift.

Apparently, the muslim women began to be bold towards their husbands. When our good friend Umar reports this to Muhammad, he gave Muslim men permission to beat their wives.

What do you think happens next?

The women complain and are declared not to be the best among muslims.

So, in case you aren’t following.

Men are able to beat their wives.
Wives complain about men beating them.
Muhammad declares it’s because they aren’t taking it as they deserve.

How is Islam good for women, again?

The Plight of the Muslim Woman

I am not shocked that Aisha made the comment that she had seen no one more miserable than Muslim women. If muslim women are able to be struck, hit, and beaten, and Muhammad permits it, I would be miserable too if I were a woman in this religion.

It is fascinating that so many women simply do not know that this is what Islam allows before they convert. Dawahgandists do a good job of selling Islam to poor women who don’t know better. Perhaps it’s time that women are taught the truth about Islam and what it teaches about them.

This is just the beginning, by the way. For what Muhammad thinks of women’s intelligence and place in paradise is another part of the iceberg.

In the meantime: