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Love, Marriage & Work: Lessons from the Bible’s Raunchiest Book

Love, Marriage & Work: Lessons from the Bible’s Raunchiest Book

Last updated on: June 10, 2015 at 1:49 pm by Theology of Work Project

Love, Marriage & Work: Lessons from the Bible’s Raunchiest Book 2015-06-10T13:49:12-05:00 Theology of Work Project

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With Valentine’s Day coming up, we thought we’d share some insight about love—and work—from the raunchiest book of the Bible: Song of Songs. The Song of Songs is love poetry, centered on celebrating the beauty of love between man and woman. You may be surprised to learn that this book has anything to say about work—we were, too. But perhaps it’s not so shocking, given the inevitability of work as an outworking of love. Why wouldn’t romantic love involve work, just as any other love? Here are a few lessons we’ve gleaned from the Songs about love, marriage and work.

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Image via Pixabay

1. Working With a Partner is Meant to Be Joyful

Many verses in the Songs reflect imagery drawn from agriculture and shepherding. The couple seems to be working together, or at least referencing the work at hand. In the kingdom of God, working together is not a drudgery, but a delight. The tone of verses such as Songs 5:15 and 6:2 (below) suggest that there is a rhythm and lightness to the couple’s work.

Catch us the foxes, the little foxes, that ruin the vineyards—for our vineyards are in blossom. – Song of Songs 5:15

My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to pasture his flock in the gardens, and to gather lilies. – Song of Songs 6:2

The “time of singing” described in Songs 2:12-13 can also be translated to the “time of pruning.”

The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. – Song of Songs 2:12-13

Work in the Songs seems to overflow with joyful enchantment with one’s partner.

How does one cultivate such bliss? We certainly don’t have all the answers, and much has been written elsewhere about what makes happy and unhappy marriages. But our next two points will highlight issues that come up in the Song of Songs: sex and household work. Interestingly, a 2007 Pew survey found that people ranked faithfulness, a happy sexual relationship, and sharing household chores as most important for a successful marriage, in that order.

Image via Pixabay

2. Make Time for Sex and Intimacy

Songs 4:16-5:8 uses vivid imagery and metaphor to describe a couple’s wedding night. Intimacy and passion (including sex) are essential to holding marriages together through life’s ups and downs, through prosperity and adversity, joy and stress.

But why write about sex on a blog about work? In biblical times, sex and work were closely tied. The household was the primary unit of economic activity, and children were workers. However, that is not to say that the Bible advocates for an emphasis on the economic aspects of marriage.—In fact, Proverbs uses the word ‘allup to describe one’s spouse, meaning “special confidant” or “best friend.” This was probably startlingly countercultural in a time when women were seen as property and marriages were seen as transactions to increase economic and social standing. (Keller)

—So why write about sex and intimacy on a blog about work? Because even the best friendships take work. Thus, the best marriages must take work as well. It takes effort to build healthy emotional and physical intimacy. It may take some intentionality to put aside time and energy for one’s spouse. It might be necessary to re-prioritize other activities, including paid work. A 2011 Australian study, focused on people in long-term relationships, found that 54% and 42% of men and women, respectively, were unhappy with their sex lives, mostly due to a lack of sex. This suggests that the infrequency of sex was not due to differing sex drives, but to competing obligations.

3. Appreciate the Value of Household and Family Work

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Image via Pixabay

The Songs remind us that unpaid work, including household and family work, is important. Raising children and maintaining a household benefits the family, as well as society at large. In pre-industrial households, such as the one depicted in Songs, there was little distinction between paid and unpaid work, since work occurred in an integrated unit. In industrial and post-industrial societies, much work occurs outside of the household. Today, money has often become the measure of work’s worth, rather than the contribution of the work to the benefit of the whole.

But even in households where women work equivalent or longer hours, or earn higher salaries, they still do more household work than their male partners. Perhaps if household and family work were as esteemed as they should be, there would be more balance. Research provides additional incentive for true partnership in this area: sharing household work (including childcare) and having clearly communicated expectations regarding household responsibilities are key to happy marriages.

4. Love is Worth the Work

By now you get that a healthy marriage takes hard work and sacrifice. However, there is also great potential for joyful intimacy and partnership. In The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller describes the love one can potentially experience in marriage. He says it ultimately points to Christ and empowers us to live in submission to him.

Image via Pixabay

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

The Songs also reminds us of the value of knowing this love.

If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised. – Song of Songs 8:7

The text implies that love, and the labor that one puts into marriage and family, provides satisfaction that wealth and leisure cannot. In other words, love is worth the work.

You can read the Theology of Work Project’s full commentary on the Song of Songs here.

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