The Lady’s Quill: Hope Over Hate

Last updated on: June 23, 2016 at 4:00 pm by Laine Mardollsdottir

The Lady’s Quill: Hope Over Hate 2016-06-23T16:00:40-07:00 Laine Mardollsdottir

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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Mahatma Ghandi

Like clockwork, another wave of transphobia washed over the greater Pagan community recently, with a prominent author and teacher at the only Pagan seminary in the US again at the forefront. I was aware of the anti-trans sentiments in Paganism long before I came out; that hostility was one of the things that held me back from emerging. Pagan communities were some of the few places that I felt safe. Then again, I wasn’t under the illusion that anywhere was particularly safe.

I was pleasantly surprised, though. My timing was good; I came out in the summer of 2013. This was the year of the PantheaCon controversy and I watched it get discussed locally. At Sirius Rising there was a panel for Pagan Elders to speak to the broader community, and the subject of transfolk and inclusion was raised and discussed. The tone of the discussion was serious and measured but positive and inclusive.

The discussion didn’t end at the panel, though. It was continued at a campfire later. Then at the food vendor’s places the next day. Then over and over again over the course of the week, and never once did it turn unpleasant, heated, or most importantly, hostile. People got it. People – cisgender people – were seriously and earnestly discussing trans inclusion. They were talking about how to make our communities a safer place for people like me. If you’re not trans it may be hard to understand how that could be surprising, even shocking. A lot has changed in the last few years and we have short memories, but let’s be honest: ten years ago nobody cared. Maybe they did on a personal level, but not on a social or political one. We might still be the butt of ridicule and a target for violence, but back then no one but us spoke up about it, and when we did were laughed back down. A lot of things contributed to me making the decision to come out that year, but hearing the reasoned and kind thoughts of Pagan elders I respected was a significant component.

I can tell more stories of things getting better. I can tell you about Wellspring 2015, where I went for a week without being harassed, misgendered, or treated inappropriately by anyone (I can’t usually go for a day without that). I could mention my experiences at PantheaCon this year. There was a Dionysian revel, and the priest spoke a sacrament to the queer and trans followers of his God – and the entire room cheered. A huge room full of people cheered for that remark. It was the first time that I’d ever heard a clergy person mention us in any positive way in a rite, ever. There was also a panel on hospitality and inclusion for queer and trans folk in Pagan communities that I was very much looking forward to. I was expecting maybe five or ten people and made a handful of chintzy pride bracelets to give out; I thought I’d have some left over. Instead it was a large hall filled to the brim with a diverse, vibrant, powerful, and beautiful throng. People who were like me and who were not, speaking of ways to help make our communities safer places.

Jupiter Island Sunrise / Bob Lowe / Freeimages.com

It has gotten better. As bad as it gets (and it has gotten pretty grim for queer folk in general lately, not just trans folk) the thing that keeps me from falling to despair is watching peoples’ reactions change. I see and hear more allies standing up for us, defending us, sickened when we are wronged and harmed as well by the things that harm us. Friends, family, allies… and people who don’t care one way or another but can’t stand seeing people be the target of hate and injustice.

In these dark times I want to remind folks of people who have stood up for us and by us, Pagans who have spoken up and refuse loyalty to elders who sow hate, who have supported us, defended us, and who have actually listened to us when we cry out in pain. They are ll around us.

Among older (especially pre-Internet) trans folk, there’s a common refrain and theme. “I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one.” Exposure and visibility have helped us realize that we’re not the only ones, that whatever your understanding of gender there are others out there who will at very least be able to grok if not share it. Allies and family and friends have helped us to realize the other part of this – we are not alone.

There will always be haters, and there will always be hate. There will always be subsets of traditions and individual tribal groups that will exclude us for whatever ridiculous reasons they choose. There will always be havens for people who want to harm us, because the already vast network of ideological structures that the many religions that make up Paganism provide will always have dark cubbyholes for hate to crawl in. Backwaters and cul-de-sacs aside, the air is changing. The climate is changing, and in this case, it’s a good thing.

The backlash has taken many forms. In our communities we have our transphobic anthologies, our hostile bloggers, our trusted authorities using their voices to try and drown out our cries of pain and or vilify us. In the broader society (at least in the US) we have bathroom bills, preachers encouraging violence, and politicians trying to find ways to legislate us out of existence. We have doxxing and swatting and cyberbullying. Every single one of these things is based in fear. Living our lives and our loves violates many extant orders and structures that we were all at some point taught that our society and thus our safety rely on. Those who don’t or refuse to understand (or care) that the way things are has been quite literally killing us react to these changes defensively, trying to protect a security that is generally not going to be threatened by us being allowed to be ourselves.

It’s happening because the bigots feel outnumbered, alone, and afraid as they see people that once supported concepts and an order that benefitted them and their hegemonies open their hearts. It’s happening because the tools that they use to hurt us are being taken from their hands, and not just by us, but by good people who genuinely care. The voices of love and inclusion are starting to overcome the voices of hate, and that makes them afraid as well.

Things are changing. Despite the things we witness around us, they are getting better. We are not alone. You are not alone. You matter, and are worthy, and people are finally starting to realize that.

Multiracial Young People Holding Hands in a Circle

William Perugini / Shutterstock.com

The Lady’s Quill: Hope Over Hate

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