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10 FACEBOOK Things That Make The Baby Jesus Cry

10 FACEBOOK Things That Make The Baby Jesus Cry

Last updated on: August 30, 2014 at 10:12 am by Mark Sandlin

10 FACEBOOK Things That Make The Baby Jesus Cry 2014-08-30T10:12:15-05:00 Mark Sandlin

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Ready for a shocker? Jesus didn’t use Facebook.

I know, right?

Sure, God uses Facebook, but Jesus never used it.

(Is it wrong that I love Facebook’s God more than I love the God some churches talk about?)

Since he never used Facebook, it’s a little difficult to perfectly predict what Jesus would and wouldn’t have done, but most of the things on the list are pretty safe bets.

Most of them are said a little tongue in cheek.

Let me repeat that: Most of them are said a little tongue in cheek.

But all of them are just simply bad Facebook etiquette.

This isn’t meant to be a complete list or a “Top Ten” list. It’s just a list of some issues I think are important.

1) Send game request to a person who doesn’t play the game.

To gamers this seems particularly cruel and ridiculous.

“How am I supposed to know who plays the game?”

Ask them.

It’s a good way to show your friends that you care about them. Sure, it’s easier to just send out game requests to people all willy-nilly, but this isn’t about you. It’s about them.

Facebook is a pretty big time suck.

When you suddenly have to increase your Facebook time by responding to dozens of game requests (when you don’t even play games ),because someone else wanted more chickens or gold or points or whatever it is you get by sending requests, you really don’t feel very cared for by that person.

Want to show people you care for them and value their time? Ask them once if you can send them game requests.

If they say, “nope.” Then don’t.

Ever.

2) Troll.

To quote Gollum from The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, “Curse them! Nasty cruel Trolls.”

Actually, I think he was talking about Hobbits, but you get the point.

A Troll is a person whose sole purpose is to create discord and start arguments.

They want to make sure that you do not enjoy your time online. They want to evoke a negative emotional response from you. More than anything, they want to make sure that the topic you are currently talking about is something no one wants to talk about anymore. Usually, it’s because they very much disagree with you and don’t actually have a logical reason which means a respectful debate is out of the question.

Sometimes, they are just people who enjoy sowing discord.

Even if you disagree with someone or even disagree with something post on a Facebook Page, don’t be a troll.

Remember, as the popular meme says, “You are not the jerk whisperer.”

Don’t be a troll.

3) Concern Troll.

If there is one thing I like about a typical Troll it’s that you know they are a Troll.

That is not true of a Concern Troll.

They are much more deceptive. This makes them them doubly dubious in my book.

They want the same thing a typical Troll wants – to disrupt the discussion of something they oppose.

How they go about it, however, is a bigger lie than anything the typical Troll does.

They pretend to be supportive: “I just LOVE what you people are trying to do here. Love. It.”

And then they do a 180 hoping to plant doubt in the minds of people in the group: “It’s just that I have this concern about what you are doing.” OR how you are doing it. Or why you are doing it.

Doubly deceitful.

A dirty trickster even.

I believe you might find some biblical text about that kind of behavior.

4) Add people to Facebook Groups without asking.

Imagine walking down the street, getting knocked over the head, blacking out and waking up in the middle of a meeting full of folks you don’t know who are all right in the middle of conversations you didn’t hear the beginning of.

Now imagine there are a few good friends there.

They are all looking at you with big silly, happy grins on their faces and giving you the “thumbs-up” sign.

No matter how nice the other people are, your instinct is to run.

But there are your friends who seem to have something to do with you being there.

You don’t want to insult them.

You are stuck.

Friends don’t drag unsuspecting friends into Groups without asking them first.

5) Make personal attacks on people.

I’ll make this as simple as possible.

It is okay to disagree with people.

It is not okay to be mean to people.

If you disagree with someone, feel free to tell them why. Focus on specific points with which you disagree. Saying, “I disagree because I believe something else,” really isn’t helpful to the conversation.

Telling them they are stupid or shouldn’t be thought of as an expert or anything that is an attack on their character rather than their argument is reall more of a commentary on you than on them.

It’s also just plain mean.

Stop it.

6) Post “Share This If You Love Jesus” updates.

I may have mentioned this, but Jesus doesn’t use Facebook.

He’s simply not going to know if you shared the meme or not.

In all seriousness, Jesus doesn’t need people to be guilted into showing their love for him.

Quite frankly, he’d rather see people showing their love for others.

One good way to show your love for others would be by not trying to guilt people into showing their love for him.

7) Be a Facebook stalker.

When I say “Facebook stalking” I’m not talking about the Facebook version of real life stalking when you follow people around, watch them all day and then rifle through their trashcans at night after they wheel them to the curb.

“Facebook stalking” is snooping around on the personal page of a person you don’t really know to see what you can learn about them.

It’s more like the Facebook version of a Peeping Tom.
Ewwww. Creepy.

Don’t do it.

8) Post “warnings” you haven’t verified.

OMG! Tupac is actually alive!

Can you believe McDonalds is making a Ouija board Happy Meal? I’m incensed!

What?!? 73 percent of the money raised through the ALS Ice Bucket challenge doesn’t go to research?

If it seems absurd it probably is.

Or it is published on a parody site like The Onion.

Before posting something and getting your friends worked up over something that is nothing, be a true friend and take the two minutes you need to check it on Snopes.com or verify that your source is not a parody site.

Bonus points: it will save you the embarrassment of someone doing it for you and posting it to your page.

9) Vaguebook.

Vaguebooking is saying something in a way that tells people that something is up with you without telling people what is up with you.

Cute, huh?

Not really.

“Jill is: wondering if it is all worth it…”

OMG Jill! Are you okay? Where are you? Is someone with you? Jill, whatever it is, your friends can help you get through it!

“Oh. Sorry. I was talking about studying for the Bar Exam.”

Vaugebooking is usually a thin veil for wanting attention. The thing is, is can completely freak out people who actually care about you and some of them might not appreciate it.

I’m guessing you’ll get less attention from those folks.

If you are feeling down and actually do needs some attention (we all do from time to time), try saying, “Hey gang, I could use a friend to chat with. Who’s up for it?”

10) Mass messaging/tagging people.

When you send a message that includes more than a few folks, everybody in the list gets constantly notified as each person makes a comment.

Imagine having been added to three different messages with more than ten people in them.

Your “New Message” notifications is going to be lighting up. Nonstop.

Sure you can “Leave Conversation,” but it feels a little rude and heartless.

Which feels strange since you didn’t ask to me a part of this mass message.

Yet, here you are with a “New Message” notification going off every minute or so.

Don’t do this to your friends.

If you have to, Copy and paste your message to each person individually.

If it’s that important take the time to do this rather than taking up you friends’ time with all the “New Message” notifications they’ll be getting.

The same is true for mass tagging people in a post.

It’s something most of us actually avoid doing in real life – forcing a person to participate in a conversation where they probably don’t even know what’s going on. (See #4 above.)

Again, if it is that important to you, take the time to message them and invite them to the conversation. Let it be their option to join rather than forcing them into ignoring it or having to stop the notifications.

After all, while Jesus did say, “Follow me,” he made it a choice rather than a default setting.

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Mark is a co-founder of The Christian Left. Come and join the conversation!

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