Which book comes before Amos in the Old Testament?

Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

The Dude Abides

Home
Progressive Christian

Last updated on: July 17, 2004 at 8:04 pm by Cathleen Falsani

2004-07-17T20:04:00-07:00 Cathleen Falsani

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

When to show up at parties and other life tips

a.k.a.

Auntie Cathi’s Guide to Life (Abridged)

Dear Fiona,

Welcome to the human race.

When I was in the maternity ward the other day, I noticed that you didn’t have a whole lot with you, apart from the pile of nappies.

So I thought you might appreciate a little advice. A few operating instructions until you figure some of this stuff out on your own.

Think of it as an existential crib note. Just tuck it into the end of your swaddling when nobody’s looking.

Auntie Cathi’s Guide to Life (Abridged):

Don’t be afraid.

When you cry, someone will hear you. Always.

You may not be caught before you fall down, but someone will be there to help you up.

It’s better to trust and make a mistake than to be afraid and never do anything.

Talk to God.

Listen for the still, small voice.

Avoid the crowds.

Have lots of ideas, but be careful what you believe.

If it’s hateful, angry or mean, it’s wrong.

Feel free to dance, sing, laugh, skip and giggle.

Don’t stop dancing, singing, laughing, skipping and giggling — especially giggling — even when they tell you it’s time to grow up.

Funny is in the eye of the beholder.

Take side streets.

Fasten your seat belt.

Be on time.

Unless it’s for a social call that doesn’t involve a movie or a play, and then be fashionably late. I see you’ve already grasped this concept, as you arrived on Tuesday when you were expected Friday.

For future reference, dear, fashionably late usually means about 15 minutes.

God is in the details.

Allow God to live in other places, too.

Brush your teeth.

No faking.

No smoking.

Comb wet hair from the bottom up or you’ll get split ends.

Don’t shave above your knees if the hair on your legs is blond.

Be good to your feet. Sure, they taste good now, but you’ll thank me when you’re 40.

Eat lots of vegetables.

If you hate brussels sprouts when you’re 7, you’ll love them when you’re 27. Same with tomatoes.

You’re more resilient than you think.

Pay attention when you hurt.

Tell Mommy and Daddy.

Be friendly to everyone, but choose your friends wisely.

Judge not.

Finger-paint.

Leave a big tip.

Pick blueberries.

Bake a cake from scratch.

Butter. Not margarine.

Count the stars and learn their names.

If you get the hiccups, take a really deep breath, and then one tiny breath more, hold it, and relax. Works every time.

When you’re waiting for the elevator, stand off to the side so when the doors open, the people inside have room to get off.

If you get deodorant on your black shirt, rub the white spots together and they’ll disappear.

Call ahead.

In the car, you can sing as loud as you want.

Don’t pop your gum.

Drink lots of water.

Be full of surprises, but signal before changing lanes.

Find your beauty ideal in your mother’s face, not on television.

Never let anyone with a mullet cut your hair.

When styles come back into fashion that you remember wearing, they’re not “vintage,” no matter what anyone says.

Don’t wear white shoes after Labor Day. Actually, try to avoid wearing white shoes altogether, unless they’re accompanied by surgical scrubs.

Don’t pay more than $50 for a pair of jeans.

Don’t worry if you get a couple of zits. You’re probably the only one who can see them.

Acne is not a character flaw.

Don’t believe the hype.

The beach is an excellent place to spin around until you get dizzy.

Put flags on your sand castles.

Pray early and often.

Stretch.

Skinny dip.

Sleep at night.

Listen to music. All kinds of music. Even the stuff you can’t dance to.

Play your parents’ records.

Read their books.

Read your books.

Read everything, except for fashion magazines.

Go to the library.

Think of your work as worship, but don’t worship your work.

Take vacations.

Learn to swim.

Learn to dive.

Climb something.

Learn to play the piano.

Learn to play the harmonica.

After you master English, learn at least one more language.

Be patient.

Ride a train.

Fly.

Tell stories. Collect them.

When you’re having a conversation, don’t be afraid of silences.

Pet the dog. Scratch the cat’s ears gently.

Don’t pull on tails, no matter who they’re attached to.

Catch and release.

Know your neighbors.

Listen to your parents.

Don’t just hear the words. Pay attention to what they’re trying to say.

Request a window seat.

Make art.

Write a poem.

Add the finishing touches.

Try to understand the things that are scary.

Ask lots of questions.

Yes is a prayer.

So is “Help,” and “Thank you.”

No is sometimes the answer.

Be generous with love and money.

Share your toys, not your dessert.

Keep an eye out for angels. They have a tendency to show up unannounced, and they don’t resemble movie stars. Usually.

Look those less fortunate than you in the eye.

Only ignore insults.

God loves you. Now, there are plenty of people who will argue that this point is still up in the air, but trust me on this one, Fiona.

God loves you. No matter what.

And God would appreciate it if you could try to love other people the same way.

Take all advice with the appropriate amount of salt, considering the source.

Love,

Auntie Cathi

P.S. I don’t have gum in my purse, but I do have Butter Rum Life Savers.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

July 10, 2004

Next Post

July 23, 2004

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A little happy ARCHIVED COLUMNS BECOMING FAMILY BelieberNess BREAKING NEWS! Disquiet Time DJ JEFF'S SPINTASMS falsani FILM from OCRegister From Sojo.net God Nods GODSTUFF I Take Requests incubatespirit LURKING IN THE NARTHEX On My Nightstand ONEMOMS Polling the Room PONTIFEXCELLENT Thru My Eyes TWO CENTS Uncategorized Upcoming Events VASCO VASCO'S HEART

Select a Month January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 July 2014 May 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 April 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 October 2003 March 2003 December 2002 October 2002 January 2001

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which book comes before Amos in the Old Testament?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Micah Obadiah Joel Hosea