Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
New Visions
Politics and Religion
Small Town Wisdom – Volume 1

Small Town Wisdom – Volume 1

Last updated on: September 12, 2025 at 7:49 am by Karl J. Forehand

Small Town Wisdom – Volume 1 2025-09-12T07:49:04-06:00 Karl J. Forehand

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Small Town Wisdom Volume 1

There’s a noticeable change in the air as the beautiful, dark forest-green corn stalks begin to turn sandpaper-brown. The auto repair shop where I had my inspection was busy with activity because the farmers are preparing their vehicles for harvest. The weather is cooling off, even though it usually warms back up around this time for a few days.

Fall is my favorite time of year, and this year it got me thinking about small-town wisdom. I had a lot of fun as a young adult in a bigger city, but for various reasons, I moved back to smaller towns and raised our children there. I’m not saying that everything about small towns is perfect, but there are definitely some valuable lessons that I’ve learned here.

Our town has around 1,500 residents. We generate enough wind energy to supply power to our mostly agricultural community, with some industry spread throughout. It takes about 30 to 45 minutes to reach Walmart, depending on the route you take.

Small towns have their benefits and also their issues. So, I don’t believe it’s wise to say dogmatically that one is better than the other. However, I do think it’s essential to learn from the place where you are.

1. Don’t talk about politics or religion to people who didn’t ask

I know what you’re thinking, “Karl, don’t you kind of blur the line with that online?” I agree, but to me it’s like a newspaper or a book. In digital and print media, I can write about and post what I think, and people can choose whether to read it or not. But when I bring it up close to another person, they have no choice but to engage, and these kinds of discussions can quickly get out of hand.

Some branches of Christianity often resemble a marketing scheme. They are highly encouraged to promote their religion and their idea of spirituality. Other forms counter this by making fun of them and marketing against their competition. They are both organizations, and at times, they behave very much like businesses.

Most other non-Abrahamic religions don’t do this, and I also wish we would listen to the advice of some of the wisest people in history and just be good people instead of trying to control others. Our philosophies, religion, and politics all shape who we are, but demonizing the other side is never wise because we all have faults, and the other people are probably better than we tend to believe.

So, back to small towns. People in small towns sometimes hold deep-seated grudges against other towns that are only about 8 miles away. It’s always about 8 miles. Maybe that was a specific distance for traveling on horseback or something similar. A day’s walk? I’m not sure, but I know those folks are almost exactly like us.

2. We spend our lives trying to be like our parents, then we grow up and wish they were more like us

We spend most of our lives imitating others, and when they let us down, we first try to change them, then we get angry at them.

This was especially meaningful to me when I was a pastor. I had a fatherly relationship with my congregation; then, when I changed and started thinking differently, those brave enough to confront me wanted to make me more like them.

The main point of this conversation is that we should focus less on trying to be like others and instead work on being more authentic. We should move away from conforming to others’ expectations and misguided ideas about ourselves.

The person who told me yesterday that they appreciated my calm nature doesn’t realize that I scolded myself yesterday for being monotone on a podcast. What was happening? I was criticizing myself for trying to be someone else or for attempting to meet what I thought people expected of me.

I usually say it like this, “Be who you are!”

3. Don’t give people advice they didn’t ask for

People in small towns tend to keep tabs on each other because it’s a security measure that helps them know what others are doing. It’s hard to go unnoticed in a small town. So, when you learn something new, make sure the person you share it with is interested in what you have to say, or they might avoid you the next time. And there aren’t many people to go around.

What they want to know is whether you’ll stay consistent over time. That’s why fitting in takes longer in a small town. Usually, it takes 10 to 20 years before you’re no longer the newcomer. That’s because, really, you’re still on probation since you weren’t born there.

Many locals are on trial because they’ve lived there for a long time and made some mistakes. So, remember to show compassion for those people, as small towns and religion are not always forgiving.

4. The loudest guy at the coffee shop is usually the least intelligent

The Dunning-Krueger Effect states, “people with low ability or knowledge in a specific area overestimate their competence.” This is especially true when older guys get together. The wisest among us tend to be humbler because they recognize more of what they don’t know, while the least informed believe they know everything after just reading a book or watching a documentary.

Not only can the other guys hardly get a word in, but they also tend to egg him on for fun. They use phrases like “I heard that” and “What do you think we should do?”

Older women tease each other like this, too, but it’s different. Their compliments are more sinister and dripping with sarcasm. Usually, they save their honest thoughts to share with others later in the day. Please prove me wrong.

But whether you are male, female, or non-binary, remember that if people are encouraging you to speak, then this person I’m describing is likely you, and you can be sure that your friends are talking about you behind your back.

5. No one cares how much money you have until it appears you have more than they do

People in small towns are usually very generous, probably because in the past they had to share everything to survive. I’ve seen many times when, after a farmer’s death, other farmers and townspeople helped the widow harvest the crops.

Like those in cities, small-town folks often compare themselves to others. I no longer quote Bible verses regularly, but I recall one that advises against comparing ourselves.

Ultimately, the best approach is to focus on maximizing what we can achieve and utilizing it wisely. Money, accomplishments, and investments aren’t meant to boost our self-esteem; they’re tools for survival and helping others.

Rather than asking, “How much money do I have?” a better question is, “Did I earn it honestly, share with those in need, and love people more than things?”

6. The only time I lock my car doors is when squash, tomatoes, and cucumber plants are producing.

Most of the time, in a small town, we don’t worry much about people breaking into our houses or stealing our cars. However, if we don’t lock our cars during certain seasons, people often put overgrown vegetables from their gardens in the back seat of our vehicles or on our porch.

Fortunately, we have an arrangement with our neighbors across the street, and we trade vegetables and other items. Laura and Dixie message each other almost every day to coordinate these exchanges.

But here’s the thing. I don’t like tomatoes or cucumbers unless they are in the form of spaghetti sauce or pickles. So, it doesn’t make me happy if someone gives me something I don’t want, even though I appreciate their generosity.

I’m not sure if these women discussed it in advance, but we gave them some tomatoes and cucumbers, which they used to make spaghetti sauce and pickles, and then returned a few of them to us. Once again, the women in my life have demonstrated to me how life improves through effective communication.

When I had a stroke, many people asked us what they could do. Even more challenging than figuring out what we want is sometimes understanding what we want others to do for us. Therefore, I believe we must be especially mindful of understanding who we are, what we enjoy, and what we hope to accomplish. Otherwise, it won’t just be people giving us things we don’t need; it might be pursuing goals we never truly wanted. Communication is not just with others—it’s also within ourselves.

7. Learn to talk about what matters

This is not a lesson I learned in a small town. By far, the most common topic of conversation when people gather there is about the weather. Especially after it rains, they talk about how many inches fell, sometimes expressed in hundredths. They say things like “I got an inch and a half,” or “Margaret only got eighty hundredths.” I couldn’t join in because my rain gauge was already full, and I had forgotten to empty it.

In reality, these folks worry about rainfall affecting their lives because most are connected to agriculture. However, a bigger reason we discuss the weather is that we prefer not to confront life’s more difficult issues.

Recently, my mother told me not to talk about religion and politics when I came home to visit, even though I told her back in 2009 that I regretted that our family had never discussed anything meaningful. We didn’t really discuss important things; we just did things, slept, and occasionally talked about what we did, what we ate, or where we went.

I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out what makes people tick and why we act the way we do. I wanted to know how I could improve and heal from wounds caused by others, and why I didn’t always feel special or important.

It wasn’t until I found professionals and friends I could talk to about what truly matters that I made progress, or truly understood the world I live in, and became who I am today.

The things that truly matter are often difficult to discuss. They can be murky and confusing. However, life becomes more vibrant, challenging, and meaningful when we take the risk of exploring these topics.

Renee Brown says, “There is no bravery without vulnerability,” and I might add that without vulnerability, we never discuss what truly matters. It’s terrifying, but it’s necessary, and it’s worth it!

8. Mind your own business

The story is about an older man who recognizes the boy eating candy sitting on a bench in the middle of town.

Older Man: “You shouldn’t eat candy. It will rot your teeth.”

Boy: “Mister, my grandpa lived to be 97 years old!”

Older Man: “By eating candy?”

Boy: “No, by minding his own damn business.”

Minding our own business doesn’t mean we don’t care about others, nor does it mean we never help them. The truth is that while we are patient with ourselves, we often expect others to change and do things that make us feel comfortable instantly. We don’t fully understand their situation, and when we only observe them briefly, we aren’t qualified to give advice, nor will we create lasting change.

It’s only in relationships that we truly influence others or genuinely help them reach their goals. Someone can be shamed, frightened, or even abused into complying with rigid expectations, but real impact takes time, trust, and dedication. That, my friends, is what changes the world.

Writing a short piece like this takes hours—writing, rewriting, editing, deleting, re-reading aloud, and sometimes discarding everything into the trash. We shouldn’t assume we can influence someone in a moment without building and maintaining a lasting relationship. As they say, “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.”

Even after a relationship is built, it’s important to ask if they want your advice or help with what you see as an issue. Often, the best thing you can do is listen without giving advice. If you succeed in something similar to what they’re trying to achieve, they’ll notice it in your actions and be more receptive to your guidance when they’re ready to follow.

With all these considerations, it’s still better to talk to someone than to talk about them. But what remains true is that the most powerful healing tool is genuine, non-judgmental listening. Nothing replaces hearing, empathizing, and showing compassion.

Hang in There

I realize that some of these topics overlap, but that is mainly because life is complicated, not simple. There are exceptions to most of our philosophical beliefs, as well as nuances to our understanding. What we believe to be true today may be disproved by science or the collective experience of others in the universe. When we become dogmatic about anything, we risk becoming irrelevant in the world we are trying to protect.

This might be the biggest challenge for small towns, because it can become their downfall. Preserving what we understand to be the best way to live and raise our families definitely evolves. But how do we recognize what truly matters, and how do we realize when we’ve been wrong about it? It could be that, just like the neighboring towns we sometimes despise, we may have been mistaken about other things.

Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace!

Karl Forehand

How to Survive a Stroke

Learn to be Where You Are (Presence)

Learn to be Who You Are (Authenticity)

Finding Regulating and Somatic Healing

Getting Away From Your Trauma

Getting Out of Survival Mode

Are you genuinely committed to deconstruction and seeking more profound answers?

If that’s the case, this book was created for you. As a former pastor, I made the mistake of deconstructing a bit and then trying to start something new, as I was trained to do. The problem with that approach is that I wasn’t ready to begin something new.

I hadn’t delved deeply enough or asked enough questions. The first stage of deconstruction typically includes assessing our beliefs regarding hell and the afterlife, supporting queer individuals and women in their fight for equality, and achieving a better understanding of racism and privilege.

Many people in deconstruction communities expend significant effort criticizing Evangelicals and attempting to gain a following. While I believe they deserve intense criticism, this strategy fails to effectively tackle the problem because they generally don’t listen to us!

Our tendency to punish our former organizations sometimes overlooks the challenging process of healing and growth. It is the same trap we fell into in our former associations.

Order Now!

Campfires occupy a special spot in the mosaic of history. They act as communal hubs across different cultures and faiths. The campfire’s circular design fosters equal participation within the collective group. The flames at the center draw our focus and encourage face-to-face interactions as we exchange experiences, wisdom, and insights about the world beyond. It is where legendary myths and tales are born.

Order Now – Study Questions in each chapter!

This book is named Campfires in the Desert as it stems from nearly 400 discussions we held with individuals on our podcast, The Desert Sanctuary, and our aspiration to improve.

Available now!

Thanks for considering us. Autographed copies are $20

Karl Forehand Campfires in the Desert – A Soft Book Release. Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward, Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart, The Tea Shop, and Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community. He has been married to his wife, Laura, for 35 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply! You can read more about the author here.

Progressive Christian

Politics and Religion

Family, Parenting and Religion

Previous Post

August 26, 2025

Assume the Position – Print the Legend

Next Post

August 30, 2025 Did My Tradition Get It Right?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abuse Addiction Advent adventure Alpha Male Animals Answers Attachment Attitude authenticity Authenticty Authentiicity Awareness being Bible Black Community BLM body awarenss book Books Bravery Bullying Bypassing Certainty Certianty Chamge change children Christianity Christmas Church Comfort community Compaasion Compassion Complementarian Complementarianism Conditioning Consciousness Contemplation Control Conversation Converstations Covid-19 Creation Darkness Death Debate deconstruction demons depression desert Devil Disciples discussion Divine dreams Easter Eclipse Empathy Essence evolution evolve faith fatherhood Fear fiction Flood Focus Focusing Focussing Future Genesis Goals God Gratitude grief growth Guns Hate healing Health Heart Hell Holiday Hypnosis ignorance Improvement infallible Inner Child Integrity Intuition Jesus Jezebel Journey King LGBTQ+ Love MAGA Marriage meditation Men Mercy Message metaphysical Mindfulness Misogyny Mourning Music Mystic mystical Narcissism Nationalism Nature New Year Novel Nutrition Organization other Pain Pandemic parenting Pastors Patriarchy Patriotism Personal Growth Plan Poet poets Police politics Power practice praise Prayer presence pro-life Problem Solving Progress prolife Prophet prophets Purity Culture Purpose Queer Questions Racism Rape Rapture reconstruction Recovery Religion Resolutions Restoration Resurrection Retribution Reviews Root Cause Sanctuary Satan SBC Scripture Seeking Self-Care Self-esteem Seminary Sex Shadow shame social justice social media solitude Spirits Spirituality stillness Story Survivor Thanksgiving Theologians Theology Tradition Trauma travel Trump Uncategorized Unchurching Universe Violence Vision Voice Volunteer Vulnerability War Women Word worship Writing

Select a Month September 2026 August 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What day did God rest during creation?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The seventh day The third day The first day The sixth day

Books by This Author Books by The Desert Sanctuary

See All Titles »