Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
New Visions
Family, Parenting and Religion
Going Inside & Trusting Myself – Part 2 of 2 – Laura

Going Inside & Trusting Myself – Part 2 of 2 – Laura

Last updated on: May 29, 2024 at 5:00 am by Karl J. Forehand

Going Inside & Trusting Myself – Part 2 of 2 – Laura 2024-05-25T08:31:42-06:00 Karl J. Forehand

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Going Inside & Trusting Myself

(From our new book, Evolving From Religious Trauma. June 4th))

Listen to Audio – AI-Generated

https://wp-media.patheos.com/blogs/sites/1333/2024/05/7b.-Going-Inside-Laura.pdf_pages_1_to_4-1.mp3

Laura

There are two reasons that my portion of this chapter may not be exceptionally long: 1) I said most of what I wanted to say on the topic of this chapter in the last chapter, and 2) Karl did a respectable job of explaining our approach to this part of the journey. I genuinely hope I conveyed the importance of going inside and trusting yourself. It is a concept that is easier said than done; it requires us to be incredibly intentional, and it requires us to find those practices that speak to us in a very personal way.

I wish I could give each reader ten effortless steps to trust yourself, but I can only share what works for me. This is by no means an exhaustive list, and I continue to look for ways to grow in this area of my life. Thank you for letting me share with you. I hope this can start a conversation of authenticity and sharing where we can each learn from the other.

So, how can we practically go inside? As a mom, the last thing I wanted my children to experience was emotional pain. For me, it was very triggering to think they were experiencing shame, or they were somehow not feeling like enough. I knew those feelings, and I wanted to be the one to save my children from those experiences. In all honesty, however, this is a fundamental part of growing up.

When my children came to me with issues of feeling less than, I sat with them and listened to their experiences. I would validate their feelings, even if they triggered me. I learned to do this same thing with my students. Sometimes, students come into my classroom with tremendous trauma. They believe things about themselves that are not true, but they have heard someone significant tell them they are stupid or not good enough. No amount of convincing on my part will change that very real message in their life. However, when those heart-wrenching situations come up, it is important to treat their feelings as precious. It is essential to give validation and believe them without judgment.

This is how we can also treat our inner child. If you are anything like me, you have learned very well how to stuff those feelings, to tell those emotions they are ridiculous, stupid, or better yet, that we need to get over it already! I do not know about you, but those coping strategies have never worked for me. Ignoring feelings adds to my shame and overall feelings of unworthiness. The very things we would never say to children, friends, or family members in our lives, we scream to our inner child to make them behave. If we know it will not work for others, why do we think it will work for us? Taking a better approach is essential; treating our feelings like precious children is essential. Just as we would sit and listen to those we love, we need to sit, listen, validate, and believe in our inner selves without judgment and fixing.

One thing that I have found to be incredibly important when listening to stories of people on our podcast, The Desert Sanctuary, is to believe them. That may sound simple, but it is amazingly easy to dismiss someone’s story when it does not match our reality. When we do not believe people and their stories just because it does not match ours, we halt conversation, create trauma, and project shame. Several times, as I started sharing my story, people in church would tell me, “I’m sorry that happened to you, but that wasn’t my experience.” Immediately, I stopped talking. That person in no way validated my trauma and, in a very condescending way, let me know that they did not believe me because their experience did not match mine.

This was a practice I had to learn not only to give to people sharing their sacred stories with me but also to believe and validate my own sacred story. When we are experiencing trauma or anxiety, even after we have left a traumatic situation, that is our body’s way of communicating with us. So many times, our anxiety is trying to warn us or tell us something. Let us sit quietly with those feelings, breathe, and listen. Just as we need to believe the stories of others, let us start believing the stories our body is telling us, even if it is anxiety. Be with it and have compassion for it to discover why it feels this way.

I like to think of these “steps” as a slow progression. First, I had to learn to sit with my anxious feelings without judgment. Next, I had to listen, validate, and learn. I still feel like I must intentionally do these things because my go-to is to stuff those feelings or shame them away with words like, “What is your deal? Why are you freaking out about this?” I am having this conversation with myself right now.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and it has become a tradition for me to have my granddaughters on my birthday. Since my birthday falls on New Year’s Eve, I see it as a beautiful way to bring in the new year! However, I start to feel incredibly anxious whenever I am going to have my granddaughters after not having them spend the night in a while. My first thought is, “What is wrong with me? This should be a happy moment! Why are you anxious?” This can shift my anxiety into a shame spiral if I do not purposefully speak to my anxiety, listen rather than judge, and see what it is trying to tell me.

Just doing that helps reduce those anxious feelings. However, my next step is to trust myself to interpret my intuition and understanding. This sometimes happens, but sometimes it does not. I am learning to be okay with the fact that sometimes it does not. I can still thank my body for feeling so deeply about this time I will spend with my granddaughters. I am learning to trust myself even when the answers do not come.

This is just a way for me to experience my inner knowing. My experience with church was to deny myself. I could not trust myself because I was wicked, and my heart could not be trusted. Instead, I was programmed to leave critical thinking behind and believe what others told me about myself, even if they did not know me.

Let us be real about who knows us the best. We do! However, we were told that we could not trust ourselves. I hope what I have shared on these pages encourages you to change the way you think about yourself. You are enough. You can trust who you are. You know!

In those moments when you feel like you do not, I hope you reach out to someone who has earned the right to hear your sacred story. I hope you find someone who will listen without judgment and believe you. For me, this has been the path to true healing. Laura Forehand

It’s Going to be Okay

The Jezebel Scapegoat Shuffle

My Top 10 Suggestions for Theologians

Was Jesus well-known in the 1st Century?

Colosseums and Cathedrals

https://thedesertsanctuary.org/leaning-forward-2023/

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image-1.png

Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward, Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart, The Tea Shop and Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community. He is married to his wife Laura of 35 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply! You can read more about the author here.

Progressive Christian

Family, Parenting and Religion

Religion

Trauma

Previous Post

May 27, 2024

Going Inside & Trusting Myself - Part 1 of 2 - Karl

Next Post

June 1, 2024 Why Trump is in our Deconstruction Stories

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abuse Addiction Advent adventure Alpha Male Animals Answers Attachment Attitude authenticity Authenticty Authentiicity Awareness being Bible Black Community BLM body awarenss book Books Bravery Bullying Bypassing Certainty Certianty Chamge change children Christianity Christmas Church Comfort community Compaasion Compassion Complementarian Complementarianism Conditioning Consciousness Contemplation Control Conversation Converstations Covid-19 Creation Darkness Death Debate deconstruction demons depression desert Devil Disciples discussion Divine dreams Easter Eclipse Empathy Essence evolution evolve faith fatherhood Fear fiction Flood Focus Focusing Focussing Future Genesis Goals God Gratitude grief growth Guns Hate healing Health Heart Hell Holiday Hypnosis ignorance Improvement infallible Inner Child Integrity Intuition Jesus Jezebel Journey King LGBTQ+ Love MAGA Marriage meditation Men Mercy Message metaphysical Mindfulness Misogyny Mourning Music Mystic mystical Narcissism Nationalism Nature New Year Novel Nutrition Organization other Pain Pandemic parenting Pastors Patriarchy Patriotism Personal Growth Plan Poet poets Police politics Power practice praise Prayer presence pro-life Problem Solving Progress prolife Prophet prophets Purity Culture Purpose Queer Questions Racism Rape Rapture reconstruction Recovery Religion Resolutions Restoration Resurrection Retribution Reviews Root Cause Sanctuary Satan SBC Scripture Seeking Self-Care Self-esteem Seminary Sex Shadow shame social justice social media solitude Spirits Spirituality stillness Story Survivor Thanksgiving Theologians Theology Tradition Trauma travel Trump Uncategorized Unchurching Universe Violence Vision Voice Volunteer Vulnerability War Women Word worship Writing

Select a Month September 2026 August 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does Hebrews say Jesus learned through what he suffered?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Mercy Obedience Compassion Humility

Books by This Author Books by The Desert Sanctuary

See All Titles »