Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
New Visions
Family, Parenting and Religion
You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

Last updated on: December 3, 2022 at 8:43 am by Karl J. Forehand

You Are Not Alone 2022-12-03T08:43:22-06:00 Karl J. Forehand

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Photo by Ron Lach‏

I live in a county that is 75% Republican. There are various, small Protestant churches and no Catholic or Episcopal churches in the area. The main line denominations are represented, but woke theology and progressivism is limited.

The sheriff’s vehicles have “In God We Trust” imprinted on them. So even though 60 to 80% of the population do not go to church regularly, it would be terribly unpopular to criticize organized religion publicly here.

Because religious organizations need new members, they tend to be very welcoming when new people cross their threshold, but they often shame and/or simply ignore those that leave.

So, when someone starts to question their faith, many of these factors combine to cause the person to feel like they are the only person in their zip code that feels the way they do. And sometimes, church members help them with this feeling by gaslighting them about their assumptions.

There is something deep inside that’s driving them to question and search for better answers, but everything around them tells them it’s dangerous and lonely. The PTSD they feel is real and the questions before them are monumental.

– Who am I ?
– What do I believe?
– What do I like to do?
– What do I do with my time?
– Is this okay?

It is easy to assume that no one else thinks like we do and often people dive back into different closed systems of Christianity that provide some temporary acceptance, but not necessarily the eternal answers they were looking for.

So what do we do about loneliness while we are still on the journey?

1. Be Patient

It took time to develop all of the beliefs and practices we have now, and it will take some time to deconstruct everything and to begin to evolve. Organic processes take time–they need time to germinate and grow into what they were supposed to be.

2. Get comfortable with solitude

During my Deconstruction, I met a pastor that couldn’t be still for 5 minutes. We later went to a quietness retreat, where we were encouraged to be still for 20 minutes at a time. It was so valuable to learn mindfulness and things like centering prayer that helped me be still and listen.

3. Get comfortable with uncertainty

In our former religions, certainty was valued and when we found it, we felt secure and safe. But creeds and belief systems that made us feel secure also imprisoned us. Once we solidified our beliefs, we stopped learning and growing.

Proceeding with uncertainty takes courage, but it is really the only way to move forward.

4. Join some conversations

Start a podcast. Join a group. You will quickly find safe places and people that share your interests. Learn to choose who deserves to hear your story, but be brave and find your people.

5. Become conscious of the universe

Once you begin to discover some things about nature and the collective unconscious, you will realize that it’s impossible to be alone. But it takes time to be aware of this reality. Once you feel it, you will never return to a cheap excuse for community again.

6. Being

We always say “Be where you are” (presence) and “Be who you are” (authenticity) as a way of describing being and becoming. It is also the path to peace that allows us to find bliss (anada) no matter the situation.

We were taught by organized religion to bypass and look for miraculous solutions when we felt things like loneliness or fear. But as we matured, we discovered that numbing or bypassing our fear never really solved the problem. The only way to progress through our fear is to lean into it.

This takes vulnerability and courage, but it is most definitely worth it. You will make it and you are not alone in this journey!

Be where you are,
Be who you are,

Karl Forehand

Photo by Ron Lach‍ : https://www.pexels.com/photo/sad-senior-man-with-white-beard-in-forest-10366896/

Progressive Christian

Family, Parenting and Religion

Education and Religion

Previous Post

December 2, 2022

The Wounded Pastor

Next Post

December 8, 2022 Anyone Else Ever Feel Down?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abuse Addiction Advent adventure Alpha Male Animals Answers Attachment Attitude authenticity Authenticty Authentiicity Awareness being Bible Black Community BLM body awarenss book Books Bravery Bullying Bypassing Certainty Certianty Chamge change children Christianity Christmas Church Comfort community Compaasion Compassion Complementarian Complementarianism Conditioning Consciousness Contemplation Control Conversation Converstations Covid-19 Creation Darkness Death Debate deconstruction demons depression desert Devil Disciples discussion Divine dreams Easter Eclipse Empathy Essence evolution evolve faith fatherhood Fear fiction Flood Focus Focusing Focussing Future Genesis Goals God Gratitude grief growth Guns Hate healing Health Heart Hell Holiday Hypnosis ignorance Improvement infallible Inner Child Integrity Intuition Jesus Jezebel Journey King LGBTQ+ Love MAGA Marriage meditation Men Mercy Message metaphysical Mindfulness Misogyny Mourning Music Mystic mystical Narcissism Nationalism Nature New Year Novel Nutrition Organization other Pain Pandemic parenting Pastors Patriarchy Patriotism Personal Growth Plan Poet poets Police politics Power practice praise Prayer presence pro-life Problem Solving Progress prolife Prophet prophets Purity Culture Purpose Queer Questions Racism Rape Rapture reconstruction Recovery Religion Resolutions Restoration Resurrection Retribution Reviews Root Cause Sanctuary Satan SBC Scripture Seeking Self-Care Self-esteem Seminary Sex Shadow shame social justice social media solitude Spirits Spirituality stillness Story Survivor Thanksgiving Theologians Theology Tradition Trauma travel Trump Uncategorized Unchurching Universe Violence Vision Voice Volunteer Vulnerability War Women Word worship Writing

Select a Month September 2026 August 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

"Let your ________ before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Select your answer to see how you score.

Conscience Be Clear Light So Shine Voice Be Raised Face Shine

Books by This Author Books by The Desert Sanctuary

See All Titles »