Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
New Visions
It’s Okay to be Sad

It’s Okay to be Sad

Last updated on: January 29, 2022 at 12:27 pm by Karl J. Forehand

It’s Okay to be Sad 2022-01-29T12:27:08-06:00 Karl J. Forehand

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

(warning, voice typing)

Recently I had a stroke. I had health issues earlier in life and made some diet changes and fought as hard as I could, but all the pieces came together and I finally had a major issue. Last week I was experiencing a little dizziness and some tingling, eventually my foot was dragging a little and so we went to the ER.

To say that this is overwhelming is an understatement. I say it often, “this will be hard.” Not only is it going to change a lot of things about my life, it is going to be a very difficult, hard struggle just to get to a place where I can live normal to some extent.

A couple of times I just say to someone or to myself, “I am sad.” When I do that, I almost always start to cry a little, but then it makes me feel better that I didn’t push it down like I have with so many emotions in my life.

We learn a lot of things through deletions. By experiencing life and trying things that don’t work, we can learn what we should not do as we move forward. So I know a few things that will not work or help me.

Spiritual Platitudes

We like to be prepared for whatever life throws at us, therefore, we often have catch phrases that we automatically go to as defenses. When unusual things happen to us, we like to have a ready mantra. We do it in normal life and in spirituality.

Most of these expressions that we use in religion are weak theologically and they don’t stand up to the long test of time. Things like “God has a purpose” or “God is in control” usually don’t genuinely help us because they bypass the initial feeling so that we can feel better temporarily.

At some point I challenged myself to think deeply about those platitudes that I’ve been rattling off. I found that most of them weren’t really that credible, they didn’t make sense, and they didn’t stand a test of time.

Spiritual Bypassing

Spiritual bypassing is when we use things like those platitudes to avoid the hard work that is necessary or the pain that we initially feel. Again, it makes us feel better for a short time, but mostly causes more shadow issues later.

A lot of the memes we see online are examples of this bypassing. Where a cute statement seems to satisfy us momentarily, it might avoid the necessary steps to true healing.

Searching for Miracles

Even though miraculous things happen, and the universe is miraculous in and of itself, religious people often hope for the miraculous and avoid the work that may bring them the very same result.

The doctor in charge here is very nice but also very tough, and he said nothing will get me better except for me to decide to do the work. They have the best technology and the best therapists and a great method, but if I just sit in my room praying for a miracle, it’s likely I’m going to stay the same or get worse. The universe is geared toward progress and it is geared in our favor, so most times we just need to start taking steps.

So let me offer these humble suggestions:

Commit to the work

It is all about attitude. From the beginning. I keep telling nurses and doctors everyone here that we are 100%, then sometimes I tell them I’m sad and I start crying. But even though it’s hard, I’m committed to taking the necessary steps.

In a way religion has misguided us to the magic solution, where if you just do the right incantation or something then you can invoke higher powers and find a shortcut.

I’m going to keep saying it till I get out of this place: “I’m all in, I’m 100%, I’m ready.”

Feel What You Feel

Like I said before, we have to acknowledge what we are feeling, and talk about it with others. By the way, if someone tells you not to feel what you know you feel, you may want to get a new friend or just tell them, “I have a right to feel what I feel.”

Difficult emotions like sadness and vulnerability and all those other things make people uncomfortable and make us uneasy, but we need to feel them if we’re going to move forward.

Take Small Steps

Yesterday I probably walked about 90 steps. This is huge for me with a cane and help from the PT. I’m always focused on doing more and more, but something finally clicked yesterday when she told me to take smaller steps and focus, leaning on my weaker foot.

Sometimes smaller steps and focusing on doing it right pays big dividends later. I felt a lot better yesterday evening because my quads started to fire better when I slowed down and leaned into the thing that seemed painful and counter intuitive.

Yesterday I felt the emotion of fear, it was when I was learning how to get in the shower with the use of a transfer chair. It was once again hard and difficult to maneuver, but I can see how it would be extremely helpful.

I hope I don’t need it when I get out, but I felt the emotion and was able to process way better than trying to ignore it. If I can take the next steps in little small bunches, then it’s much easier to navigate.

Hope you never experience something like this, but I know that you have tough things in your life and I hope this will help.

If you’re looking for a way to help us, consider buying my latest book “Being” and giving one to a friend. I think it will transform your life and will help others. You can find it wherever you buy books or go to karlforehand.com.

Be where you are, be who you are.

Karl Forehand

Uncategorized

Previous Post

January 16, 2022

We Can Do Better

Next Post

February 1, 2022 Surviving My Stroke Recovery

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abuse Addiction Advent adventure Alpha Male Animals Answers Attachment Attitude authenticity Authenticty Authentiicity Awareness being Bible Black Community BLM body awarenss book Books Bravery Bullying Bypassing Certainty Certianty Chamge change children Christianity Christmas Church Comfort community Compaasion Compassion Complementarian Complementarianism Conditioning Consciousness Contemplation Control Conversation Converstations Covid-19 Creation Darkness Death Debate deconstruction demons depression desert Devil Disciples discussion Divine dreams Easter Eclipse Empathy Essence evolution evolve faith fatherhood Fear fiction Flood Focus Focusing Focussing Future Genesis Goals God Gratitude grief growth Guns Hate healing Health Heart Hell Holiday Hypnosis ignorance Improvement infallible Inner Child Integrity Intuition Jesus Jezebel Journey King LGBTQ+ Love MAGA Marriage meditation Men Mercy Message metaphysical Mindfulness Misogyny Mourning Music Mystic mystical Narcissism Nationalism Nature New Year Novel Nutrition Organization other Pain Pandemic parenting Pastors Patriarchy Patriotism Personal Growth Plan Poet poets Police politics Power practice praise Prayer presence pro-life Problem Solving Progress prolife Prophet prophets Purity Culture Purpose Queer Questions Racism Rape Rapture reconstruction Recovery Religion Resolutions Restoration Resurrection Retribution Reviews Root Cause Sanctuary Satan SBC Scripture Seeking Self-Care Self-esteem Seminary Sex Shadow shame social justice social media solitude Spirits Spirituality stillness Story Survivor Thanksgiving Theologians Theology Tradition Trauma travel Trump Uncategorized Unchurching Universe Violence Vision Voice Volunteer Vulnerability War Women Word worship Writing

Select a Month September 2026 August 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does the name "Jacob" mean?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Friend of God Justified Full of light Supplanter

Books by This Author Books by The Desert Sanctuary

See All Titles »