Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
New Visions
Stop Hitting Yourself

Stop Hitting Yourself

Last updated on: October 6, 2020 at 6:23 am by Karl J. Forehand

Stop Hitting Yourself 2020-10-06T06:23:59-06:00 Karl J. Forehand

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

I vaguely remember a game we used to play when I was young. It was a light, playful game you would play when you were sleepy. We would grab a sibling’s wrist while they were trying to sleep and cause them to lightly smack themselves all the while playfully exclaiming, “stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself.” I know, I know, it sounds like I grew up in Oklahoma – you are right!

2020 has been almost too much to bear for many of us. We are facing a pandemic that shows no signs of slowing down. The repercussions of this virus have touched everyone in the world in one way or another. As tensions rise, we cannot help noticing that our planet is more and more under stress and those problems just seem to get worse. Forest fires, global warming, and pollution are harder and harder to ignore. Racial tensions have reached epic proportions. In some situations, we see great progress, but on other fronts, people seem to be digging in, going backward and resisting progress at all cost.

In one way or another, all of us are moved to do something about the issues we face in our world. Moved by religious, political, and ideological angst, we speak up or step out or confront the perceived evil, injustice and ignorance we see in our world. Maybe we should do something! But notice in this statement the shaming aspect of “should” that can very quickly lead us down the wrong path.

When Laura and I were discussing this last night, we realized that we often come to an impasse. We are motived by concern, and that is a good thing; but then we end up feeling overwhelmed because there is so much to do and we are not doing enough – should leads us to shame, and because the problems get worse, we blame ourselves to one degree or another.

Laura teaches 2nd grade, so we thought about them when we were considering this shame dilemma. Our grandkids are not old enough yet to use as examples and our kids are already grown. We thought about those 2nd graders feeling concern for something and the adults in their life saying, “You should do something about that.” That might be appropriate depending on the situation, but what if the adults said, “It’s not getting better, you should do more.” Suppose we heard the children say, “I can’t” and the adults say, “Don’t give me your excuses, you have to do more—it’s a big problem.”

I said to Laura, “That’s cruel, right?”

She said, “It’s abusive!”

Believe it or not, this is remarkably like the internal dialog, most of us go through every day. We notice, we care, and then we are motivated to action. But it is never enough – the problems are so big – and then we shame ourselves because we placed the whole world on our own shoulders. It does not seem to be enough to do what we can – we strive toward some imaginary goal that we can’t quite define.

May I just encourage you today to stop hitting yourself.

Change the things you can in your personal life and try to notice how that has ripple effects beyond even what you can imagine. Take advantage of the opportunities you have, but don’t regret the opportunities you missed—because you always will—none of us are perfect and it doesn’t do any good to shame yourself about the mistakes you will make.

Try to celebrate and be grateful when you get the chance to have an impact, even if it is small. Change “should” language to “could.” Try to notice when others are down and help them back up.

We are all in this together. There is no other. There is only us!

Stop hitting yourself!

Karl

Support us on Patreon * The Desert Sanctuary Website

Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart and the soon-to-be released Tea Shop. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary and Too Many Podcasters podcasts. He is married to his wife Laura of 32 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply!

The Tea Shop is available – Order now!

Previous Post

October 5, 2020

My Evolution

Next Post

October 7, 2020 Poem - Last Night I Had a Dream

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abuse Addiction Advent adventure Alpha Male Animals Answers Attachment Attitude authenticity Authenticty Authentiicity Awareness being Bible Black Community BLM body awarenss book Books Bravery Bullying Bypassing Certainty Certianty Chamge change children Christianity Christmas Church Comfort community Compaasion Compassion Complementarian Complementarianism Conditioning Consciousness Contemplation Control Conversation Converstations Covid-19 Creation Darkness Death Debate deconstruction demons depression desert Devil Disciples discussion Divine dreams Easter Eclipse Empathy Essence evolution evolve faith fatherhood Fear fiction Flood Focus Focusing Focussing Future Genesis Goals God Gratitude grief growth Guns Hate healing Health Heart Hell Holiday Hypnosis ignorance Improvement infallible Inner Child Integrity Intuition Jesus Jezebel Journey King LGBTQ+ Love MAGA Marriage meditation Men Mercy Message metaphysical Mindfulness Misogyny Mourning Music Mystic mystical Narcissism Nationalism Nature New Year Novel Nutrition Organization other Pain Pandemic parenting Pastors Patriarchy Patriotism Personal Growth Plan Poet poets Police politics Power practice praise Prayer presence pro-life Problem Solving Progress prolife Prophet prophets Purity Culture Purpose Queer Questions Racism Rape Rapture reconstruction Recovery Religion Resolutions Restoration Resurrection Retribution Reviews Root Cause Sanctuary Satan SBC Scripture Seeking Self-Care Self-esteem Seminary Sex Shadow shame social justice social media solitude Spirits Spirituality stillness Story Survivor Thanksgiving Theologians Theology Tradition Trauma travel Trump Uncategorized Unchurching Universe Violence Vision Voice Volunteer Vulnerability War Women Word worship Writing

Select a Month September 2026 August 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which prophet's call included a vision of an almond branch and boiling pot?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Jeremiah Daniel Isaiah Ezekiel

Books by This Author Books by The Desert Sanctuary

See All Titles »