Tennesseans Iz Lernin

Last updated on: March 26, 2012 at 7:23 pm by Jeffrey L. Falick

Tennesseans Iz Lernin 2012-03-26T19:23:00-05:00 Jeffrey L. Falick

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I grew up in Miami, but I spent my junior and senior years of high school in Houston, Texas. My experiences in Jewish suburbia did not prepare me for the wacky Christianity that I would see there. One day in my social studies class we had a guest speaker who came to “testify” about Christ. The year after I graduated, students dedicated the yearbook to Jesus Christ. The place was just nuts.

Like Texas, Tennessee lags behind no one in its love of faith-based everything and there is a proposed law to prove it:

The legislation would require school districts to implement a policy to create a “limited public forum” before campus events such as the beginning of a school day or before a football game. Select students would be eligible to speak freely at these forums, including about religion, and the school district would issue a disclaimer before those speeches.

…Under the bill, school districts also would require teachers to treat a student’s faith-based answers to school assignments the same as secular answers. But while the bill allows faith-based answers, those responses must be justified like any other student’s.

The first part of the proposal is a blatant end-run around the prohibition on public prayers. But it’s the second part that intrigues me. I’m trying to imagine how this could go in various subjects:

Question: What is 2 + 1?

Answer: 5, because 1 = 3. Justification: Matthew 28:19 shows in its teaching of the trinity that one and three are the same.

Question: What are the basic parts of the human circulatory system?

Answer: All parts of the circulatory system are made of mud. Justification: Genesis 2:6-7, “And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground.”

Question: What were some of the reasons for the Holocaust?

Answer: The Jews killed Jesus. Justification: I Thessalonians 2:14-15 and Matthew 26:57-68.

Question: What is the process by which plants convert sunlight into energy?

Answer: Plants don’t need sunlight for anything. Justification: Plants were created by the Lord on the third day and there was no sun until the fourth day as it teaches us in Genesis 1:11-19.

Really, the possibilities are endless and they’ll all get straight A’s!

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