Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

The Anchoress

Home
Catholic
Why Good Children Go Bad

Why Good Children Go Bad

Last updated on: March 10, 2017 at 11:56 pm by Elizabeth Scalia

Why Good Children Go Bad 2017-03-10T23:56:28+00:00 Elizabeth Scalia

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Henrietta: Now, Eudora, you stand there and you just sing out – don’t you move a muscle – just sing out so that Baby Jesus can hear you!

Myrna: Myrna, Mama! I hate being called Eudora!

Henrietta: Your name is Eudora, and I don’t care what the Pastor’s wife says about letting you change your name. I’m only going along because Myrna is your middle name and it’s so pretty. It was my grandmother’s name and it’s respectable -not like if you were trying to call yourself Britney or Kimberly! If you ask me, that pastor’s wife has some pret-ty odd ideas, anyway! Whoever heard of a pastor’s wife wearing nail polish and running a computer thing called a blob!

Myrna: A blog, Mama; Mrs. Pastor runs a blog, and it’s about her family and church, and it’s nice.

Henrietta: Oh, I suppose next you’re going to tell me that Tweeters and Blueberries and all those sorts of devil-machines are “nice.” Althea down the street told me that those words are just code for dirtytalk. I better never find out her son’s tweeters are touching your blueberries!

Myrna: (Gasps) Mama! I don’t even know her son but to say hi to! And it’s Twitters, and Blackberries, and – oh, Mama, if I could have a Blackberry, I could always call and let you know where I am, and I could download things … for school.

Henrietta: Devil’s tool! You have a computer to use; that’s good enough!

Myrna: It’s 8 years old, Mama, and we only have dial-up! And you’ve put so many parental controls on it that I couldn’t even use it to do my report on Breast Cancer because it blocked all those stories from me.

Henrietta: And you don’t need to know about…bosom matters…until you are older. Anyways, right now all you have are blueberries and they get hidden proper with a vest and jacket.

Myrna: (sotto voce) I wish I were dead!

Henrietta: What was that?

Myrna: I wish my jacket were red!

Henrietta: (narrows her eyes) I just bet you do. You’re just like your Auntie Jezebel, always with her red shoes and her red hat!

Myrna: Jessica, Mama; her name is Jessica.

Henrietta: Jezebel, I call her! A ladylike rose hat wasn’t good enough, oh no! She decked herself out in red and walked about town like a big neon sign that said “Two Harvey Wallbangers and I’m yours!”

Myrna: Who’s Harvey Wallbanger?

Henrietta: Never you mind. That Jezebel got the Orange Juice from your daddy, and that’s why you and I have to make-do, like respectable people!

Myrna: Because Auntie Jessica borrowed Orange Juice from Daddy?

Henrietta: She got more than juice, but never you mind.

Myrna: Was that before Daddy died, when I was just born?

Henrietta: That’s enough, Eudora; you just stand at that microphone and sing, now, like I taught you! Let people hear how nice you sing!

Myrna: But Mama, I don’t want to sing on tv.

Henrietta: Oh,, but you didn’t mind singing that devil’s music down at the kari-okey, didja? I heard about you singing in that Youth Show, and wiggling your hips and moaning like that Lady Gag-me!

Myrna: Lady Gaga, Mama, and I wasn’t singing anything bad; it was “You Light Up My Life!” It was Debby Boone!

Henrietta: Swiveling your hips like that Madonna, that’s what I heard, and you were licking your lips, too!

Myrna: Just to make them pink, Mama.

Henrietta: Making a show for the boys, that’s what! Next you’ll want to bob your hair straight like those skinny women in the magazines! Now sing out for Baby Jesus!

Myrna: No, Mama, don’t make me!

Henrietta: You’ll stand there like a stone, and sing out or I’ll make you wish you did! Don’t you move those hips!

Myrna: (sotto voce) Die, you miserable cow!

Henrietta: What’s that?

Myrna: I said fine, I’ll sing it now!

Henrietta: Afterwards, we’ll go to the Dairy Queen and share a cone, won’t that be nice?

At this point, Myrna begins to dissociate. She is just barely mindful of the meat cleaver hidden beneath her jacket. Her fisted hands are pressed tight against her body, holding it there; and the steel feels cool to Myrna, who actually wishes her name was simply Anne, and who wonders if Mamas blood will be as red as Auntie Jezebel’s shoes and hat.

Via Deacon Greg

video faves

Previous Post

December 7, 2009

Cognitive Dissonance & Obama's Powergrab

Next Post

December 7, 2009 My apologies

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category "Remaking" Ourselves 'Remaking' America 9/10 Mindset 9/11 trials Abortion ACORN Adoration Advent Advent 2008 Advent 2009 Advent 2010 Alternative Energy Alternative Media America American Catholic Church American Church American Genius Ameridolatry ANCHORESS BOOKSHELF Anglican-Roman Reconciliation Answers & Questions Anti_Semitism Archbishop Hilarion Ayn Rand Bad Mass Barack Obama Baseball Benedict Benedict & Islam Benedict in UK Benedict XVI Benedictine Bill Whittle Birth Control Blogs and Blogging Blogs and Blogging Bloodless Coup Bobby Jindal Bookchat Breitbart Bride at every wedding... Bride at every wedding... Buckley Bullies Bush Bad? Bush Good Buster Capitalism Catholic Fiction Catholic Vocations Catholicism Celibacy Chaput Charitable Stuff Chesterton Chile Chris Christie Christians in Exile Christine O' Donnell Christmas Christmas Gift Ideas Church Hates Science? Church hates women Communion of Saints Compline Conclave 2013 Confession Constitutional Stuff Conversion Crisis & Opportunity Critical Thinking Crooks and Liars Crucible of Faith Cuba Culture of Life Culture of Life/Death Culture of Treason? Dancing Death Dialogue re Islam Dick Meyer Divorce and Remarriage DOJ Domestic Terrorism Dominican Order Don't try me too high Dowd Dumb Democrat moves Dumb GOP moves Economic woe Education Egregious Harry Reid Elder Son Elder Son's Sweet Girlfriend Elderly Election '10 Election '12 Election '16 Election 2004 Election 2006 Election 2008 Election 2010 Election 2016 Elena Kagan Elitism Embryonic Stem Cell Research End Times? English language Enhanced Interrogation Erosion of Rights Eucharist Euthanasia Exorcism Extraordinary Synod Facebook Faith Faith and Reason Faith Friday Faith Perspective Faithful Friday Fascism Again Fascism in America Fatima FCC Feminism Film First Things Forgiveness Fr. James Martin Francis and Islam Francis in America Frassati Fred Thompson Free Speech? Freedom of Worship FutureChurch Global Pandemic GOP Congress Haiti Head Covering Health Care Here and Queer Hermits Heroes Hitchens Holy Spirit Holy Week '09 Holy Week '10 Hoo-Hah & BS Hoo-Hah & BS Icons Illegal Immigration In The Arena Interviews Interwebz Iran Uprising Iraqi Christians ISIL ISIS Islamic State Islamification/Islamofascism Islamification/Islamofascism Isra-El It's all about me! Me! ME! James Burke Jerry Lewis Jesus Christ Joblessness John Boehner John McCain John Paul II John XXIII Juan Williams Just Words Katrina/Rita King is a Fink Latin Mass Leadership Lectio Divina Lent Lent '08 Lent '09 Lent 2010 Lent 2011 Limbaugh Listen to Lizzie Litigious Society Liturgy Liturgy of the Hours Mainstream Media Manliness Marriage Mary Media Excess Medical Merton Michelle Obama Mighty John O' Connor Misc. Miss Ella Missionaries Mitt Romney Monasticism My brother S My Irish Aunties Mystic Monks Nanny Statism Nature NEA Neri New Media Newman Noonan Notre Dame NPR Stuff Nun News Obama Bad? Obama Good? Obama White House Oil Spill Online Retreat '08 Online Retreat Days Oratory Orthodoxy Our Hillary! Parenting Passionists Patheos Patheos Book Club Patrons Paul Ryan Penance Penn Jillette Philosophy PJTV Podcasts Poetry Politics-free zone Pop Culture Pope Emeritus Pope Francis Prayer Predictions Priesthood Pro-Life Public Sector Unions Purgatory Questions about Catholicism Quotes of the Day Quoting the News Race in America rants Recipes Remarried Catholics Reposts by request Retreat thoughts Rome Rudy Giuliani Russia Saints Sarah Palin Scandal Scott Brown SCOTUS Scriptural stuff Secularism Send in the clowns Serving up hot links Sexuality Sherrod Shroud of Turin Sisters and Nuns Social Entrepreneurship Social Media Social Security Socialism doesn't work Sports and Faith Stem Cells Strange Gods Suffering Synod Tea Parties Tea Party Terri Schiavo The 9/11 Commission The Catholic Answer The Constitution The Desert The Fourth Estate The Pelosi The Perpetual Adolescents The Rosary Third Party? Timothy Dolan Touch of evil TSA Tsunami TV/Pop Culture/Music TV/Pop Culture/Music Twitter Uncategorized Unemployment Unintended Consequences US Military Vaginal Musings Vatican Vespers video faves Vile Joe Biden Voter Fraud War by Litigation War on Terror War, What it good for? Why can't weeee be ... World Youth Days Year of Faith Year of the Priest

Select a Month August 2016 July 2016 April 2016 March 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 August 2004

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

According to Romans, how does faith come?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Through prayer By hearing the word From the Holy Spirit By reading Scripture