Mo Dowd needs to consider her uterus

Last updated on: March 13, 2015 at 8:48 pm by Elizabeth Scalia

Mo Dowd needs to consider her uterus 2015-03-13T20:48:22+00:00 Elizabeth Scalia

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I haven’t written much about Maureen Dowd lately, because I frankly haven’t been reading her – she is so much eye-rolling drivel these days, having, as she does, only two themes left. The first theme, of course is the Yosemite Sam Rootin Tootin, “that varmit Bush, aaaaahhhhhhh hates him! I hates him!”

The second theme is “boo-hoo, lookit me, I’m so good at my job but it’s cost me the love of men, and men mostly suck, anyway!”

Her most recent column is more on Theme #2. I should mention that since the Iraqi elections and the subsequent “Arab Spring,” Dowd has been writing on Theme 2 with more frequency, as it is safer for her. Her credibility re Bush is so shot that she simply should stay away from that topic for now.

As usual, we have to wade through two paragraphs of self-involved baby-boomer pop-culture fatuousness (I pretend I’m Emma Peel!) before Dowd even begins to make her point. And her point is, apparently, that her job is so very, very hard, and she’s just miserable because women, you know…they just want to be LOVED, but it’s hard to be loved when you have to give your opinion…and mean men can’t take it – they feel emasculated and accuse her of writing with a Ronco slicer and dicer… (sob…oomp)

Maureen, honey, you need to hear a few things.

First, as I tried to tell you twice in December and again in January…STOP THE WHINING. You’re making a spectacle of yourself and rather than gaining the respect of those men-in-media who hold all the cards, instead of being a sterling example of all that a female analyst or pundit can be, you come off like the neurotic, insecure editor of a high school newspaper who can’t understand why no one appreciates how HARD it all is being the clever one who can name all of Charlies Angels and still “dish out” the snarks by taking aim at the easiest and safest target in the school! The boys only want the stupid cheerleaders! WAHHHHHHH….

Now, here is some advice: BUCK IT UP. Being able to write for a living is so much better than actually having to go out and get a real job – it is a gift and a privilege. I suggest you take a big breath, gird up whatever is left of your loin and take the ups and downs that come with your incredibly privileged, powerful position like a professional, or – if you cannot do that – LEAVE the job to someone who has the stomach and the fortitude for it.

You want names of women who can occupy your deluxe piece of journo real estate and who can not only “dish it out,” (your gender stereo-typing, hon, not mine) but can do it substantively, without cutesy-poo pop references, without dissembling, without cranking up the woe-is-me’s and without curling into a fetal position with a bottle of Prozac between their knees when they are challenged, women who will stand by their analysis or opinions? Look around the internet! I can name a dozen women off the top of my head – any one of whom could fill your twice-weekly 700 word limit with provocative, intelligent and meaningful commentary, without subjecting her readers to this unending caterwauling.

If your job has left you this undone then fer cryin’ out loud, maybe you’re in the wrong job! Leave it to someone better able to deal with it and find a position that allows you to get all the coos and puppy licks you’ve been missing out on.

Just stop this bellyaching – you are an embarrassment to your uterus! That’s right, I said your uterus! Your uterus is a tough, muscle, expansive and flexible, which can take a beating for months and then get right back in fighting form, ready for another round. It draws in and it casts out, making no excuses, nor yelping about how hard it’s working. Your uterus does not make sobbing, hiccuping noises of complaint because it is underappreciated, and it doesn’t simply find something it hates and blow incessant raspberries through its cervix. Consider your uterus, Maureen, it is very near the core of your being, and it is strong and capable.

More importantly, it functions at its best when it is doing the job it is meant to do!

We all do our best when we’re doing the thing we are meant to do, the thing we are born to do, the thing for which we have been gifted at our creation. You know how to tell if you’re doing the thing you were BORN to do, Maureen? You LOVE doing it. When you are doing the thing you are meant to be doing, there is no complaining or whining, there is only satisfaction. And there is no regret for what you haven’t done, or the slipping away of time, because when you’re doing what you love, you are touching the Eternal, and time ceases to matter – there are no regrets.

Speaking for myself, I’m tired of reading about all the things your life is missing. Satisfaction in your work, the respect of your male associates, a loving relationship. You have never written about children, but maybe you wanted them. Maybe you were supposed to have them, maybe you weren’t – only you and God know that, but honey, you’ve made your choices. If they have not brought you happiness, then make appropriate changes while there is still time – before you are a 70 year old crone with even more regrets.

If I seem cruel, let me say, I am cruel only to be kind. Your op-ed pieces have become unreadable piffle, and I daresay there is not a single male op-ed writer at the Times who spends as much time writing about their personal foibles and frustrations as you. Your writing screams out, “I AM SAD. I AM UNHAPPY.” And it is very, very sad to read. Instead of inspiring admiration, your writing lately inspires only pity, and if someone wrote that to me, I wouldn’t be able to stand it.

So, DO something with yourself. Take a sabbatical – give some other women (plural) a chance to “dish it out,” for a while. Go to Rome and have a torrid affair with some guy named Marco, who pinches your bottom and annoys the crap out of you until your feminist hardware starts to fail and you begin to feel like a woman, again. Let him do all those degrading things, like calling you “cara” and asking you to wear a dress that shows a little cleavage. Try to cook linguine and when he complains that the pasta is too soggy, and not al dente, throw something at him and let him call you “strega” and then have terrific make-up sex on the kitchen floor, and then tell him he’s a real man – even if you can’t stop giggling when you say it – and let him tell you you’re a real woman. You might find that those words mean something.

Shed the velvateen rabbit skin and spend some time being real, without curtseying to all the rules of political correctness, partisan politics and feminist goose-stepping. Think for yourself. Discover if there is any, ANY little piece of your oh-so-modern-soul that has resisted becoming part of the automaton collective, and see if that tiny patch of freedom allows you a bit of room to breathe, a bit of open sky – room for thinking thoughts that don’t fall in with anyone’s line, and for feeling things that (in the twenty-first century) you’re simply no longer supposed to feel.

Go somewhere and get in touch with someone who is NOT Maureen-Dowd-of-the-New-York-Times-Stan
dard-Bearer of the pop-culture obsessed but increasingly bitter boomers. See if you can still find the Maureen Dowd who started to write because she LOVED writing, loved the glories of language, the girl who found that writing a punchy, well-turned phrase was more satisfying than dessert AND a make-out session!

See if she still exists, and then, LET HER OUT TO PLAY.

Then, maybe when you come back…you’ll be fit to write again. I wish it for you.

Dowd

Feminism

The Fourth Estate

Previous Post

March 7, 2005

No WMD? Hang on a second!

Next Post

March 14, 2005 Early roman women

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category "Remaking" Ourselves 'Remaking' America 9/10 Mindset 9/11 trials Abortion ACORN Adoration Advent Advent 2008 Advent 2009 Advent 2010 Alternative Energy Alternative Media America American Catholic Church American Church American Genius Ameridolatry ANCHORESS BOOKSHELF Anglican-Roman Reconciliation Answers & Questions Anti_Semitism Archbishop Hilarion Ayn Rand Bad Mass Barack Obama Baseball Benedict Benedict & Islam Benedict in UK Benedict XVI Benedictine Bill Whittle Birth Control Blogs and Blogging Blogs and Blogging Bloodless Coup Bobby Jindal Bookchat Breitbart Bride at every wedding... Bride at every wedding... Buckley Bullies Bush Bad? Bush Good Buster Capitalism Catholic Fiction Catholic Vocations Catholicism Celibacy Chaput Charitable Stuff Chesterton Chile Chris Christie Christians in Exile Christine O' Donnell Christmas Christmas Gift Ideas Church Hates Science? Church hates women Communion of Saints Compline Conclave 2013 Confession Constitutional Stuff Conversion Crisis & Opportunity Critical Thinking Crooks and Liars Crucible of Faith Cuba Culture of Life Culture of Life/Death Culture of Treason? Dancing Death Dialogue re Islam Dick Meyer Divorce and Remarriage DOJ Domestic Terrorism Dominican Order Don't try me too high Dowd Dumb Democrat moves Dumb GOP moves Economic woe Education Egregious Harry Reid Elder Son Elder Son's Sweet Girlfriend Elderly Election '10 Election '12 Election '16 Election 2004 Election 2006 Election 2008 Election 2010 Election 2016 Elena Kagan Elitism Embryonic Stem Cell Research End Times? English language Enhanced Interrogation Erosion of Rights Eucharist Euthanasia Exorcism Extraordinary Synod Facebook Faith Faith and Reason Faith Friday Faith Perspective Faithful Friday Fascism Again Fascism in America Fatima FCC Feminism Film First Things Forgiveness Fr. James Martin Francis and Islam Francis in America Frassati Fred Thompson Free Speech? Freedom of Worship FutureChurch Global Pandemic GOP Congress Haiti Head Covering Health Care Here and Queer Hermits Heroes Hitchens Holy Spirit Holy Week '09 Holy Week '10 Hoo-Hah & BS Hoo-Hah & BS Icons Illegal Immigration In The Arena Interviews Interwebz Iran Uprising Iraqi Christians ISIL ISIS Islamic State Islamification/Islamofascism Islamification/Islamofascism Isra-El It's all about me! Me! ME! James Burke Jerry Lewis Jesus Christ Joblessness John Boehner John McCain John Paul II John XXIII Juan Williams Just Words Katrina/Rita King is a Fink Latin Mass Leadership Lectio Divina Lent Lent '08 Lent '09 Lent 2010 Lent 2011 Limbaugh Listen to Lizzie Litigious Society Liturgy Liturgy of the Hours Mainstream Media Manliness Marriage Mary Media Excess Medical Merton Michelle Obama Mighty John O' Connor Misc. Miss Ella Missionaries Mitt Romney Monasticism My brother S My Irish Aunties Mystic Monks Nanny Statism Nature NEA Neri New Media Newman Noonan Notre Dame NPR Stuff Nun News Obama Bad? Obama Good? Obama White House Oil Spill Online Retreat '08 Online Retreat Days Oratory Orthodoxy Our Hillary! Parenting Passionists Patheos Patheos Book Club Patrons Paul Ryan Penance Penn Jillette Philosophy PJTV Podcasts Poetry Politics-free zone Pop Culture Pope Emeritus Pope Francis Prayer Predictions Priesthood Pro-Life Public Sector Unions Purgatory Questions about Catholicism Quotes of the Day Quoting the News Race in America rants Recipes Remarried Catholics Reposts by request Retreat thoughts Rome Rudy Giuliani Russia Saints Sarah Palin Scandal Scott Brown SCOTUS Scriptural stuff Secularism Send in the clowns Serving up hot links Sexuality Sherrod Shroud of Turin Sisters and Nuns Social Entrepreneurship Social Media Social Security Socialism doesn't work Sports and Faith Stem Cells Strange Gods Suffering Synod Tea Parties Tea Party Terri Schiavo The 9/11 Commission The Catholic Answer The Constitution The Desert The Fourth Estate The Pelosi The Perpetual Adolescents The Rosary Third Party? Timothy Dolan Touch of evil TSA Tsunami TV/Pop Culture/Music TV/Pop Culture/Music Twitter Uncategorized Unemployment Unintended Consequences US Military Vaginal Musings Vatican Vespers video faves Vile Joe Biden Voter Fraud War by Litigation War on Terror War, What it good for? Why can't weeee be ... World Youth Days Year of Faith Year of the Priest

Select a Month August 2016 July 2016 April 2016 March 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 August 2004

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What Christian group believes in "baptism by immersion only"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Presbyterians Lutherans Baptists Catholics