5 Ways to Cope When Your Partner Has an Anxiety Disorder

Last updated on: December 19, 2021 at 8:56 pm by Terry Gaspard

5 Ways to Cope When Your Partner Has an Anxiety Disorder 2021-12-19T20:56:57-05:00 Terry Gaspard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, anxiety disorders affect about 30% of adults in the US during their lifetime, making them the most common mental health disorder.

Typically, anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, panic, or fear that can manifest itself in physical symptoms such as trembling, breathlessness, sweating, numbness, or having hot and cold flashes. When someone is experiencing a panic attack, they may also feel like they can’t breathe and that they are going to die. All of these symptoms range in severity and can be a challenge for a person who is anxious.

While approximately 1 in 5 Americans suffer from some form of anxiety disorder, most people suffer silently. Statistically, women are more likely to suffer from anxiety than men. The internet is full of advice and articles for how to cope with anxiety, but not as much is written about how to aid the partners of anxious people.

Truth be told, an individual who is in an intimate relationship with someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder may feel helpless, isolated, and overwhelmed. Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder can also be frustrating. If you are the partner of an anxious person, you know that reassuring your significant other with words such as “everything will be okay” is often ineffective. You may find yourself annoyed and challenged by your partner’s inability to resolve his or her anxious feelings. As a result, you may find yourself feeling stressed and your own life may become impacted by your partner’s struggles.

If you’re reading this article because you want to help your partner, and you want your relationship to improve, you are already on the road to success. An interest and willingness to support your partner and find tools for recovery are essential to sustaining your relationship. If your partner’s anxiety has begun to affect his or her everyday life, a combination of therapy and medication may help. Keep in mind that even if your spouse has not sought treatment, these strategies will still help you.

5 Ways to Cope When Your Partner Has An Anxiety Disorder:

Express empathy. Empathy is a powerful antidote to most shameful emotions. Even if you don’t suffer from anxiety yourself, you’ve undoubtedly experienced other uncomfortable and difficult feelings. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and share in his or her struggles. Let them know you understand and can imagine the distress she or he feels. Saying something like “It must be scary to feel you can’t control your fears,” is a way to express empathy.
Focus on improving your communication skills. Improve your listening skills and try not to make assumptions about why your partner feels a certain way. If he or she is experiencing a flood of anxiety, ask them questions about why they feel the way they do. Do your best not to make judgments and ask questions about their triggers such as “Do you know why you felt so much panic? If not, let’s explore it together.”
Be direct and set boundaries. Make specific requests. For instance, your anxious spouse may call you frequently while you are work to get reassurance. When this behavior becomes disruptive you can ask him or her to stop calling you at work, or to wait for you to return their calls. Although it may be hard to set these boundaries at first, you will actually find it makes it easier for them to manage their anxiety and learn how to self soothe.
Encourage your partner to be resilient and develop coping skills. When your significant other is anxious, your instinct is probably to do whatever you can to reassure him. For instance, Chris, Deanna’s husband suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder . He checks to make sure the front door is locked at least ten times before leaving the house. After leaving the house, he will frequently ask to turn around to check the door again. After five years of marriage, Deanna is trying not to enable him by telling her husband: “Chris, I watched you check the door and I am certain it is locked. We will not be turning around and end up being late for a family event. I love you and we will get through this.”
Promote opportunities for your partner to maintain healthy sleep hygiene. Developing a regular sleep routine will lessen a person’s anxiety and poor sleep habits are linked to anxiety disorders. You can assist your partner in going to sleep at a regular time and sleeping more soundly by encouraging them to go to bed on time (turn off technology, lights, and stimulation) and not disturbing them when they are resting.

Although all of these strategies are important, deciding not to enable your partner’s anxiety might be the most important gift you can give them. Practicing empathy and improving your listening skills alone will not go far enough to help. But choosing to set boundaries and re-directing your partner away from anxiety helps immeasurably. In Deanna’s example, if she agreed to turn around and allow Chris to check the door again, she would end up perpetuating his anxiety. She may think she’s helping him, because once he sees the lock is off, he might feel better. But the goal is to get Chris to not check the door at all. Only by confronting his compulsions, offering gentle reassurance, and not giving into them, will they improve.

Finally, remember that asking for support is a sign of strength, not weakness, when you are dealing with someone who has an anxiety disorder. This is especially true if you are married or living together. So if you find that being in a relationship with someone who has an anxiety disorder is taking a toll on your own mental health, be sure to seek support. You do not need to be alone in your struggle. You can contact your personal or family doctor (or insurance company) for a referral for counseling. You need not suffer silently or needlessly.

Follow Terry Gaspard on Twitter, Facebook, and movingpastdivorce.com. Her book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website. Feel free to ask a question here.

Terry’s new book, The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around, was published by Sounds True in February of 2020.

Previous Post

December 12, 2021

Why Can't I Be Friends with My Ex After My Divorce?

Next Post

December 26, 2021 5 Ways to Let Go of a Toxic Relationship

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

True or False: Boaz was Ruth's brother-in-law who married her.

Select your answer to see how you score.

TRUE FALSE